My 2 cents about ST

Forums:

I haven’t been on ST in a while but I just felt like I needed to log in because I think what I have to say may help some of you.

I joined ST 4 years ago when my (now) husband and I moved in together and were having issues with SD at bedtime (DH had been co-sleeping with her). I got some good advice and was able to break her from the habit and now we have a peaceful bedtime.
Over the years, I have posted about many issues my family has had and I have gotten some great advice from people who I believe are sincere and genuine; however, I have also gotten “advice” that has been downright mean and nasty.

I would come to ST with a relatively small issue or something related to MIL or BM and people would say I need to get a divorce, not have any kids with my DH, go find a man without kids, etc.

Would my life have been easier if I had been with a childless man from the beginning? Probably. But everyone has issues. If he didn’t have kids, there would just be a different issue. No one is perfect. If you have someone in your life who works hard and really, really tries to make you happy, you better think long and hard before you walk away from that because it is HARD to find!

To me, divorce was never an option, unless there was cheating involved or something along those lines, but I would never divorce over something we both accepted at the time we married. It takes a LOT of work to be a “blended” family, and I don’t think we will ever fully blend. SD still annoys the crap out of me and sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to be with someone else or if she just didn’t exist. But at the end of the day, I love my husband and I can’t imagine my life without him and, like it or not, SD is not going anywhere.

I guess what I am trying to say is take the advice you get on ST with a grain of salt. Some is really helpful but I think some people are not who they claim to be and are just trying to cause trouble because they have nothing better to do.

You should not feel WORSE after reading the responses to your post.

To the ones who are here truly trying to help, THANK YOU!

I agree. I come here seeking

I agree. I come here seeking validation for my feelings and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I also come here to vent, mainly about BM, sometimes about Ss12.

I do read a lot of bloggers telling other bloggers to leave thier husband or to disengage. I did not marry my husband intending to divorce him everytime there is an issue with ss or Bm. I married him because I knew he was my life partner. I've read a few blogs that causely use the divorce word when giving advice or when telling a story about there situation. I would be devastated if dh ever said the word divorce when we argue and I know the feeling is mutual. I also will not disengage from ss when he is at my house. My house, my rules. I will not let a kid control the house and leave it all the dh to discipline. When ss is not here, okay then I don't care as much.

I think every blogger to remember there are always two sides to every story out there. There are also good advice and bad advice - take what you need and feel best and apply it your family.

My experience is very much

My experience is very much like yours Christinen.I signed up here about two years ago and really enjoyed having a space to vent....for a while.

Then the comments on just about every post (not just mine) seemed so negative that I just couldn't take it anymore. It was just "If you don't leave you're an idiot" "Your SO is an idiot" "What are you staying for?" As well as just flat out attacking certain posters, basically following them around the forum just to talk shit.Give me a break.
It was no longer helpful and uplifting, it was just irritating and judgmental.This is the first time I've been on in almost a year so we'll see how it goes this time around.

My situation has greatly improved from where it was before, and it was in many ways dysfunctional. But I didn't just give up and its working. No one knows how good things can be when we come here to vent about only the negative.

I see things all the time that I may feel like being judgmental about but would it help? Probably not. My best advice is to just ignore the posters that get off on stirring the pot and apply what you can to your situation.

Thanks Fearless. I guess my

Thanks Fearless. I guess my way of looking at the forum is this: our lives are usually full of drama and BS. Whether its caused by kids,skids,DH,MIL,BM,or just overwhelming amounts of laundry doesn't matter,I just want a peaceful and drama free zone to vent and share.

What people need to keep in

What people need to keep in mind is if they decide to post in a public forum, then they need to prepare themselves to receive several different points of view and a few whack jobs.

Ignore the whackos and glean what you can from the real advice.

I remember two of the OP'S

I remember two of the OP'S post getting heated because she didn't like people saying she was wrong for doing things to hurt her SD. In one blog she admitted doing things to hurt SD in order to get back at or get a reaction out of her husband.
Most people will call posters if they are deliberately hurting a child.

I never hurt my SD, Disney.

^^^^THIS^^^^ It's one thing

^^^^THIS^^^^
It's one thing to need a place to vent every once in a while, but if you are on here all the time complaining about things and you're given good advice, but you never take it, it gets old after a while. It's like sh$t or get off the pot.

Women stay in unhappy relationships expecting their man to change but in my experience, MEN DO NOT CHANGE. Sure, some things are not worth breaking up over, but if you're unhappy in a relationship more than you're happy, that relationship should not exist.

And it seems a lot of posters on here complain about bullies and people being disrespectful, but most of the time what happens is the poster is told something they just don't want to hear.

Disagreeing with someone is NOT the same thing as being rude and disrespectful.

Thanks, I'm stepping off the

Thanks, I'm stepping off the soap box now.

I feel like it's the same on

I feel like it's the same on pretty much any Internet forum. I mean, every forum is going to have some negative posters with shitty advice. But IMO, the majority of posters are being genuine and offering their true perspective, experience and advice. Like someone above ( tog?) said, take what you need, ignore the rest...or something like that.

I have to say that I have

I have to say that I have posted a few times and think I would have left my partner a while back if I hadn't been kept sane by not being the only one having gone through these things.

Life is never going to be easy in a completely dysfunctional family, but my partner has actually pulled his damn socks up, started sorting his son out - physically and mentally - and we had our first good day out in a long time last week. It'll probably go back to the usual on Sunday but I keep hoping!

I have been told to leave him a few times/asked why I got pregnant to this man. Well no point questioning what's already happened, the situation is that I do have a daughter with this man and I'm no quitter - despite his crazy ex, despite his crazy mother, despite his sons rotten behaviour and despite his reluctance to show his boy how to grow up to be a man and not a whiny little girl. I'm still fighting and until the day where I see absolutely no glimmer of hope, then I'll keep fighting. As long as loves his daughter and continues to bring her up correctly and take time out with her, I'll keep fighting and as long as we still have a relationship worth saving, I'll keep fighting.

I appreciate every comment I have had on my posts, some more so than others though!

Exactly. Just because we vent

Exactly. Just because we vent our frustrations about being pissed as hell about our situations doesn't mean we are ready to throw in the towel.

Things can change, it doesn't happen very often but it can happen and there's no shame in fighting for the relationship we want for the man we love. No matter how flawed he may be. Although when there's any kind of abuse it's a whole different ball game.

I come here to let it out -

I come here to let it out - sometimes several times a day, as evidenced by this week's blog entries. Since I work from home and the kids are on spring break, that means I am surrounded by childish insanity - both by my own kids and SS... I just have a bit more patience for my own children.

If I wasn't venting on here and letting it out, my poor husband would have to hear my nitpick his child constantly. And trust me, he gets it enough as it is

Ditto Fearless ^^ Askholes

Ditto Fearless

Askholes drive me insane (my definition: ask for help over and over again for the same problem but never making an attempt to apply any of the solid advice)

But because some here can't stand my posts, just as I smh and skip some posters too, I don't take anything here too personally and try to be respectful in my responses. Because I'm a grown up and even my "anonymous" side reflects who I am.

I'm sorry you feel like you

I'm sorry you feel like you weren't getting the support you wanted. But remember this is a free forum, and you know what they say, right? You get what you pay for. So take everything with a grain of salt. I also agree with the poster above who said that sometimes we read posts and whatever the issue is would be a deal breaker FOR US, even if it's not for the OP. But all we can do is write how we would feel, what we would (or did) do. It's up to the OP to sort through that and figure out what's relevant to him or her. That being said, I also agree that while certainly offering your own experience or perspective has merit, there's no need to be mean or condescending about it. Honest, yes, and sometimes people just don't like to hear what you're saying. But there's a HUGE difference in my mind between saying, "It sounds to me like your DH doesn't respect you, if my DH ever told me to fuck off he'd be looking for a new place to live" and "You unbelievable moron, how the hell can you allow him to talk to you like that". While they (attempt) to make the same basic point, one is an honest opinion and the other is an excuse to be nasty.

Thank you all for the

Thank you all for the support! I'm glad to see I am not alone in the way I was feeling. I have gotten a lot of good advice on ST like disengaging.

In the beginning, I was very involved with SD and I didn't really see how disengaging would work since we have her full time. I eventually got to the point where that was the only thing I had not tried, so I went for it and I'm so glad I did!

I do think it's sad that I am not very involved in her life anymore but ya know what, I was not being appreciated or listened to and I gave them sooo many chances!

I no longer care what she eats, what she wears, what time she goes to sleep (although she does have to go into her room at a certain time so DH and I can have alone time) and I have never felt better! I leave ALL the parenting to DH. I am so much more happy and relaxed. So again, thank you for all those who do care and who give helpful advice!

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