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Chores, responsibilities when to give up...

Orange_Canyon's picture

After dinner ss9 clears/wipes down table. SS12 puts away clean dishes from the previous day. SS17 wipes down counters and stoves. 75 percent of the time it is not done correctly. No big deal ill get on whoever it is that did not do there chore correctly. Most of the time it is ss12 or ss17. A couple weeks ago I had a conversation with bm, apparently ss12 does not want to come over anymore because he feels like all I do is yell at him and nothing he does is right. We have the boys 50/50. I cried for two days over this. First off I do not yell, I tell him or whoever it was that did not do it correctly to come fix it and they know what is expected. That's it! Make them fix it. I don't freak out, scream, throw things which trust me sometimes I want to do. I just don't understand what is so freaking hard about it! If you don't want me to get on you about something why not do it correctly? And why am I the bad guy because I want them to do there chores correctly? When I was there age I had a lot more chores to do everyday! Anyway now EVERY time it is not done right I really want to freak out. Just out of pure frustration. Should I just give up? I told dh that him and bm not having the kids do any type of chores growing up is the reason why ss17 still cant wipe down a counter correctly, and he agreed with me. Ive tried just having dh check the chores he will do it for 2 days and then stop. Ugh should I just give up? Their laughable chores take me all of 10 minutes to do and would save me a lot of heartache. But I feel like giving up on this makes them win, I want them to have responsibility. I want them to help. Even if it is only a little bit.

onthefence2's picture

It sounds like you are a perfectionist. But the thing is, how hard is it to do it correctly? Do the kids have cell phones? What I have done with my kids to keep from griping at them, is simply take a picture and send it to them. If they left dishes on the counter or a mess somewhere, I snap a picture and send. About the kid whining about coming over there, I would let that roll of your back. This is what kids do. They make it worse when they tell the other parent. Don't let him manipulate you.

Somuchdrama's picture

Every time the skids are asked to do ANYTHING at our house they don't want to come over anymore. Skids learn early to manipulate situations to fit their needs. So if telling BM gets you "in trouble" so you will quit making them do stuff, they win. I say hold your ground on this one. They will keep doing this if they see it works for them.

Orange County Ca's picture

"Yelling" is relative. Your reasonable request repeated daily is interpreted by a child as "yelling". It can be a term not a literal statement of fact. Getting in trouble and corrected by an adult is "Getting yelled at".

Then again maybe you are yelling. Pay attention to yourself. Just sayin.... I'm not there.

Of course you're right about chores. These are simple requests and I wouldn't back off. I'd also tell the kid straight up that as long as he lives in your home he'll help "I'm not the maid you don't like it here go somewhere else". Then let them.

Listen stop the crying. First the kid is using the classic threat. Wah wah I'm living with mom/dad. Good now I don't have to clean up after you anymore. More TV time for me. You're taking this personally. Step-mothers are rarely appreciated. No matter what you ask it'll be too much for most teenagers.

AmIWicked's picture

When my husband and I implemented chores, BM went all crazy about how "amiwicked is making my children her slaves!"

memyselfandi's picture

Good lord..it's amazing at what kids thing "yelling" is.

I don't even raise my voice and the step kiddos think it's yelling. I may ASK them to do something, without even raising my voice, but since it's not what they want to hear, and "unpleasant" as asking them to do something, they'll consider it yelling.

Either that or they call it, "bitching". "Yeah..she was 'bitching' at me to pick up my room"

Bottom line, it was asking nicely the first time..and the second time was "telling" them to pick of their rooms or the stuff would go in the garbage.

Not sure if that's called "yelling" or "bitching" as I never raised my voice. I guess asking them to do something "unappealing" to them was called "bitching"??

I have to laugh!!