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This post might seem a bit morbid, but......

LaMareOssa's picture

Submitted by LaMareOssa on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 1:58pm

What would you do if something happened to your DH? My DH has full sole custody of SD12 and I know for a fact that I would NOT continue to raise her. I would have to let her live with her grandparents (they have custody of SD's older bro and sis from diff man)

I know it's not a happy subject, but would like other Steppers opinions.
I just couldn't do it. I would not be able to raise her. If that makes me a terrible person then so be it.

Comments

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 2:03pm

DH and BM have joint custody. If something were to happen to him, BM would never allow skids to see me again (or at least as long as they're minors).

It would be tough for them and for me, but I would hope that one day, when they come of age, that they'd reach out to me.

BadFairyII's picture

Submitted by BadFairyII on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 3:35pm

It is sad. Selfish people justify whatever they need reality to be. If it suits them, then that's what is best.

I can't even sleep at night if I don't know exactly where my dog is, and if she's warm, has enough water in case she's thirsty in the middle of the night, etc. I can't imagine how much more intense those concerns would be over my child, if it was apart from me for a day, let alone, months at a time. Some of the women mentioned on this board have gone years without seeing their kids.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 2:15pm

I would never see DH's kids again. 3/4 are adults and I have no relationship with them anyways. So it wouldnt be any loss for them in never seeing me again.

But I do worry about it the other way- for my BS and who would take care of him. His home is with me and DH but he has a Dad. But his dad lives in another city, doesnt have a car, liscence, doesn't pay his bills, is a drunk, etc. I dont think he could properly raise BS with his current condition. My son's quality of life would change. I think about that a lot! and it makes me sad.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 2:18pm

I think this way about my nephews. Their bio dad is a drunk, unemployed loser who's never taken an ounce of interest in their lives. They don't even know who he is.

If something were to happen to my sister, I dread what would happen to them ..

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 2:36pm

Oh HELL no.

That is all.

The kid would be far better off with me than his Borderline POS "mother," but no. He's damaged beyond repair, unfortunately. I can't trust a liar and a sneak in my home.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 2:41pm

If SD was a minor & DH had custody, she would have to go back to BM. If BM was not in the picture, she would have to go to her grandmother or to her aunt.

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 2:43pm

If BM thought for a second that I would pay DH's CS she might keep visitation the same.

In all seriousness, I would hope that she would at least let them have a relationship with their half sibling and my bios, along with DH's side of the family. I'm sure week on/week off would go away but I would really hope to still see them, maybe facilitate a relationship more like a cool aunt than a SM since it would be here and there rather than week on week off.

Mercury's picture

Submitted by Mercury on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 3:12pm

No. Not even if their mother was dead too.

askYOURdad, you were joking when you said BM might want CS from you. I really do think BM would actually try that with me. She has told DH several times (and he has corrected her every single time) that my income should count when considering how much CS he should pay. If she thought there would be an insurance check involved, I'm sure she would try to sue me for it.

stepinhell617's picture

Submitted by stepinhell617 on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 3:21pm

SS would go to BM full time and the girls and I would move back to the city (partly because that is where I belong and where my friends/doctors are but also I am sick and no longer drive so suburbia is a Really Bad Plan) so the 50/50 would be long gone. I would want him to have a relationship with his sisters but he is 12 and wouldn't be on the commuter rail by himself and expecting BM to drive both ways (2-4 hours total)is a bit unrealistic.

AnnaT's picture

Submitted by AnnaT on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 3:24pm

Skanky baby daddy is in prison and has never met SD, but if, gd forbid, anything happened to SO, grandma would just have to step in.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 04/15/2014 - 3:57pm

I don't know. Is it rude to text a grown person telling them their father died? I am tempted to do just that, using DH's phone, then immediately block SD and go about my life. She's grown, she's treated me like crap and my BDs (her half sisters) not much better. DH's death would cut that final tie to her, and I could FLY FREE! Except for the will part Sad

sasha101's picture

Submitted by sasha101 on Wed, 04/16/2014 - 6:36am

This is a relevant question for us, seeing as though my dh has heart trouble and full custody of ss's age 10, 11 & 17. Unless the younger ss's were much older, they'd have to go back to BM. BM would be screaming for them back anyway, she's desperate for them to live with her so she can get more money and a bigger house provided by the state so would be delighted to have them and I don't think I'd have any rights anyway as I don't have any legal responsibility for them. Don't get me wrong, I do care about them but I couldn't cope with raising them myself, not to mention the fact that I would have to carry on working to support myself and childcare costs out of my salary are out of the question as they're astromonical in the UK. I would want to let SS17 make up his own mind. He would not want to go to his BM, hasn't the means at the moment to get his own place and he's thinking of going in the forces next year anyway so would be better off staying with me and finishing college. If something were to happen when the younger ss's were much older, I would probably want to give them the same choice but while they're still children rather than young adults, I would have to let them go to BM and hope they'd keep in touch.

not.the.crazy.one's picture

Submitted by not.the.crazy.one on Wed, 04/16/2014 - 6:51am

If something happened to my DH, skids would be raised by their mother and I would have nothing to do with them ever again. Neither would I ever, under any circumstances, adopt skids. For the moment, I am DH's wife and that's it. I may have the 'title' of step mom because I married him, but I have no legal responsibilities towards skids and I want none, neither do I want any legal rights over them either!

tabby yabba do's picture

Submitted by tabby yabba do on Wed, 04/16/2014 - 7:15am

I'm the legal guardian of my SD12 and SD8 per my DHs will. I would keep them and do my best to raise them. In some ways I think it might be easier (for me) to raise skids not having DH around giggling at their antics or in other ways positively reinforcing their stupid behaviors - there'd be better consistency. But I surely hope I never get the chance to find out.

There's no BM and only one surviving grandma, who is slowing down and getting on in years. DHs two siblings (sisters) visibly recoil a little when skids are around so I'm pretty sure they wouldn't fight me for custody.