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stepdaughter mom in jail

ruby_04's picture

Submitted by ruby_04 on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 11:01am

I have a step daughter that is 11. I have been with her dad, my husband, for 10 years. We also have 2 other children together. we had joint custody with her mom till last year when her mom was put in jail. Her mom has always been a problem. Has a drinking problem and according to the police a substance abuse problem to. That is a long story. The problem i face today is i am not sure what to do. my stepdaughter wants to go and see her mom. yeah i know it is her mom. But she is in jail for murdering her baby she had last year. thank god that night sd was with us. She had already been with us for months prior to that happening. it is not like her mom (x)is helping anything out. she is against every rule and moral we have.. believe me she always has something to say about everything we do. she calls like a crazy person if we don't answer and know she is calling my personal cell. we have told her not to do this. she provides no support what so ever to sd. x has not gone to trial but i think it is a clean cut case. her lawyer just keeps post poning the ct dates. anyways just a few days ago my sd tells us she don't want to talk to her mom on holidays or even on reg days, it just depends on what she is doing that day. that her mom puts her in a bad mood and she says stuff that she can't get out of her head. feeds her with false hope. by ct order she has telephone vist. till outcome of trial. we already go to a psych. a matter fact we were just there monday when she called my cell 15 times while i was in to talk to him about things that were going on. i am just to the piont to turn off my phones and not accept her calls at all. i don't want my sd to go. but i am not sure if it is the right thing... so any advice

Comments

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 11:07am

My goodness!!! What a horrible situation. I think you need to put your stepdaughter in therapy as soon as possible. I personally do not think it's in the best interest for your SD to see her Mother.

stepmomforfirsttime's picture

Submitted by stepmomforfirsttime on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 11:21am

Wow, doesn't it amaze you how some mothers can be this way. Then there are us mothers who just want to protect our children to the fullest. I agree that in the best interest of your SD that she shouldn't go see her in jail...

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 11:21am

I agree with csong! There comes a point when you have to protect your children from people like her...even if it is her mother! I dont see any good coming out of her having a relationship with her. If she is cleared of charges then it is her job to reestabilsh a relationship with her children but the children should not be burdened by her horrible choices!

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 12:36pm

wow ruby...you have a full plate.

I'd consult with SD's doctor ASAP and see if he/she thinks it's in SD's best interest to see BM, and ask them for a referral to a good child psychologist. Ask the psychologist how to talk about this with SD. SD might have questions like, when will BM get out, what is a sentence, how long will BM be in prison, etc.

Do you know how much time BM is facing, or if she's facing the death penalty? Once BM has received her punishment from the court, SD will probably have questions about the sentence. As far as her actually seeing BM, some prisons may have places where kids can visit with their parents outside of a normal visitation room.

I feel so badly for SD. No child should have to go through this. She really needs all the love and support she can get right now.

ruby_04's picture

Submitted by ruby_04 on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 2:58pm

we are already go to a psychologist. no he does not think that she should go and see her mom. I think she is very confused. We have already been through all of those questions. SD talks to me about all of this. She brought this up last night about maybe going to see her, I talked to her about it and her feelings and all that other stuff. Me and my SD are close. We have been for years. By the end of the conversation sd said she wasn't ready. of course it doesn't help that every time x talks to her she lays a guilt trip on her about coming to see her. I feel like I am drowning and I need some air.