So after reading some of the horror stories here, I am starting to realize it could be much, much worse. My fiance and I have been together for over 2 years.....I have two SSs.....10 and 6. They are not horrid little monsters, but they are not terribly likable, either. I have never been a "kid" person.....and my biological clock never ticked-- sometimes it twinged here and there, but I was okay if I didn't have any of my own. Now we are expecting, and I am super excited! I am not, however, excited about the siblings my little one will have.
The 10 year old is a very bright child. The problem with this is that he has been treated like an adult, and thinks that he should get to have an opinion about adult matters. He is also a know-it-all-- loves to repeat things he's heard and act as if it's his own idea. He was upset that we planned to have a baby and didn't tell him, as if he should get to weigh in on the decision. He has also gone to extremes to get attention....pooping his pants on a regular basis, lying, refusing to do his homework, etc. The 6 year old is a little more tolerable, but he is basically spoiled............does not ask for things, demands them. And I am pretty sure they are allergic to any kind of physical labor. Their BM does not seem to make them do any chores, so when asked to pitch in at our house, they think it's a punishment.
My fiance is a good dad-- he corrects bad behavior and tries to be the best parent he can be. There are three major issues: 1) I resent spending MY money to take care of his kids. He pays so much CS that he literally does not have enough to live on. I understand that loving him means accepting the whole package, but it's not fair that I have bought baseball equipment, Christmas gifts, Easter baskets, and COUNTLESS groceries-- all for children that are not mine. Bringing this up usually leads to a fight. 2)Being pregnant, my hormones are all over the place, and just having them in my house this past weekend almost sent me over the edge. 3) I WAS NOT RAISED LIKE THIS!!! I did not argue with my parents (at least not until my teen years), I was told to do something TWICE at the most,and God help me if I had to be told three times. These kids are told over and over again to do something, or stop doing something. Either way, it takes about 15 times to get any results. And the worst is just the TONE they use-- especially the SS10. There is a complete lack of respect for either one of us as adults, and I seriously think there are times I could strike the boy.
The biggest problem is that I just do not like the oldest SS. I have tried to be kind, but it's forced and insincere. I think he left a bad first impression, and it has not gotten better. I literally cringe at being in the same room with him. I have tried to remember that they are victims of divorce, but my patience is stretched to the max. And I have tried to see them as an extension of my fiance, whom I love very much. But the truth is- blended families are hard. Everyone talks about the Wicked Stepmother, no one mentions the Wicked Stepchildren. And believe me, they can be wicked. The Brady Bunch was a horrid lie of a tv show-- throwing people together and calling them a "family" does not equal peace and happiness. I'm not sure what will happen once my own is born.....hoping it will bring me some understanding that I don't have now. Good luck to all of the step parents out there.....it's a tough job-- no matter how much or how little you are involved. And let's face it-- being a SP means you do all the work, but get none of the credit- and sometimes most of the blame.