sweetthing's picture

What is child support supposed to cover?

Just curious. Does anyone know? Is it supposed to include activities that the parent recieving child support signs the children up?

Just having a moment of financial anxiety of worrying about paying for half the ortho, the huge increase in our health insurance premium ( we went with better plan) and new baby on the way and all the extras that seem to pop up.

Oldest is getting bigger & per BM is now wearing size 10 ( is that a hint that we need to buy more clothes, his 8's seem to fit fine) She is supposed to provide clothing for visits, but sent too small crap last summer for both boys so I just started buying our own and she knows this. I made him try on every pair of pants at our house and there are 4 pairs of jeans that looked & fit just fine.

She just signed SS up for baseball & registration was $100.00. I am sure the $50.00 will appear on our tab with daycare this month.

I feel like I am being miserly, but I just want to know what child support is supposed to cover? BTW the decree does not say we have to pay for activities, but DH doesn't want the kids to think he doesn't care about them.

Neverknow's picture

I agree with you. I dated my

I agree with you. I dated my husband for 5 years before we got married. I became part of my SD's life when she was just 8 years old. Once we got married, we were immediately slapped with a law suit because BM (custodial parent) wanted more CS. She is remarried for a 3rd time and has been married since 1 year after I met my husband. He was paying $450.00 a month in child support, 100% of all insurance premiums, 50% of all medical bills and traveled to see his daughter 2 hours each way every week. He is a good father but is very much abused by the BM. She dragged us through a 2 year law suit because she wanted more money. His child support was increased to $800 per month, 100% of all insurance premiums and now he has to work more and see his daughter less because he can't afford it. We found out the BM has an Aflac plan and has been sending us a bill for 50% of the medical bills. In the divorce papers, it states both parties are to share "uncovered medical expenses equally" however, in order to receive benefits from Aflac, you must submit a medical bill. If a person submits a medical bill and receives money because of it, the dollars received go toward the medical bill in which it is now considered a "covered medical expense." BM took us to court and the judge told us because my husband is a "third party" he had no rights to the benefits of the additional coverage on the childs medical bills. Where does the system step back and realize that both parents need to live. Both parents deserve quality time with their children. He accumulated more than $15,000.00 in lawyer fees in one year because of this lawsuit. I'll be honest, if someone can fork out that much money for a lawyer, they are not in dyer need for more child support. The BM gets angry because she can't tear my husband and I apart. She has put the child through many hard times making her cry and in the past told her to tell her dad to not come see her because if he did, she was going to call the police and have him arrested. Yeah, the court system didn't care. She was still awarded the money. BM complains that she is the one who takes her to school, dr. appointments, helps her with her homework, etc. Maybe she thinks child support is for her and not the child. I love my SD and my husband and I hope one day she may want to live with us. Despite the hostility that the BM causes, I managed to build a trusting relationship with my SD. Because of the crazed BM, my SD didn't call my on my birthday (which did hurt) however, when I saw her, she told me happy birthday and gave me a birthday card she made for me. BM is too jealous to let her get a card. It's sad everything revolves around money. I am a firm believer in the fact that children are a gift from God. They are not a paycheck. If my SD came to live with us, I would raise her as my own and never ask for a penny of child support from the BM. It makes me sick that children are stuck in the middle of hate and greed. They are a gift. I must admit, meeting my SD's mother, has made me appreciate my mother more than I ever have.

?'s picture

Ok, Look

Some of these people are in a real situation here. I am as well and I'm the "2nd wife" who has to sit back get e-mails from the 1st wife about activities and our part of them. We have 2 children together and can NOT afford 250 dollars for an activity for our OWN, let alone the other boy. Especially when I see the house the woman lives in, the nice new car she drives etc, it is kindof hard not to get a little upset about it!

Yvonne35's picture

Amazing isn't it? I wonder

Amazing isn't it? I wonder if they would be cooperative if their kids had stepmoms like they are.

How dad treats the X and the already existing children, will be the same way they treat them.

So I really don't react when they treat the kids the way they do, because I know if their children were treated that way by a controlling SM they would be screaming from the roof tops too.

I know many want to say, Oh I would welcome another woman that I don't know to love my children, to control how I parent my children, determining what "OUR" money will go to. Yup they will definitely just move out of their home and let the other woman move right on in, sure I will take ALL the responsibility in the way the kids turned out, my X was perfect and I'm the one that messed up, oh sure I understand you want the money all to yourself because after all you're preggo surprise surprise. Go ahead take my home, my DH, my life, my kids call me a bad mother because my wonderful X convinced you of such.

anna's picture

Ok anonymous....

This site is for Stepparents not first wives, you need to find another website to vent! Because you are obviously just a BM and not a stepparent!

mckenzie0806's picture


just think taxes support this woman. Don't get me wrong, I am a SAHM myself but my BD's dad pays his support, and from time to time sends a check for lunch moeny or buys her clothes. He can see her anytime he wants and we communicate. This woman is just evil. You should trade names with her...lol. My SD has actually told my DH and i that her mother tells her that she doesnt have to listen to anything that we say. And the ex has her calling her man Daddy.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln

frustratedinMA's picture

My DH ex uses her cs as HER

My DH ex uses her cs as HER income. She gets $850/mth for the twins. She is remarried and doesnt work. Although, rumor has it she took a pt job 2 days a week for $$ to put toward her sewing habit.. She once said to me.. Originally, the support was $500 cash and the remainder was paying for her car loan. When that was happening, she said to me and I quote "Do you know how hard it is to feed a family of 5 on $500/mth?" Ummmmm.. that $500 is for 2 people... skids.. not skids, bm, bm's new husband, and bm & new hubby's baby. YEP!! that is how she was using it.

We often end up buying the kids the basics that they need because she doesnt.. we get them clothes, put them in camp, and take them on vacations.. We have paid 1/2 of sports (on the rare occassion she signs them up.. then we find out they went less then 1/2 the time).

Its honestly ridiculous... and yes.. they should be made to provide a detail on how the $$ is spent on the skids.

OH!!! and too boot.. if that $850/mth isnt enough for this lazy cow, she took the skids bday & xmas $$ they got from the bm's family and bm's new hubby's family $90/ea. and put it in the "family checking account" because as my sd said "we are all a part of the family and need to chip in" UMMMMMM!!!! They do chip in.. its $850/mth.. WHAT DO YOU CONTRIBUTE!!

This whole subject just makes me mad, sorry!

smurfy1smile's picture

pretty sad

I would never take my kids birthday or christmas cash. That's just plain wrong. Kids contribute to the household by doing chores, getting good grades and learning to be responsible human beings that can go out into the world and be good adults and take care of themselves.

What does taking your kids gifts teach them? Stealing is okay? They have to help pay bills?

lcooper's picture

Anonymous, a lot, if not most of us, are BMs too....

Many, many of the women on here have kids of their own and exes to deal with. I for one, have a BD, and an ex myself. I have never made the ridiculous demands, monetarily or otherwise, that my DH's BM makes on us. Even though my DH and I struggle financially, and DH's BM, and my ex, both have a LOT of money. I was a stay at home mom when my ex and I separated, I immediately had to go back into the workforce full time, after 6 years home, to support my daughter. I moved out of a huge house into a small apartment, so that my ex and I could sell the house and both have a shot at a decent life after divorce. Did I b**** and moan about having to get a job, oh poor me, my ex should take care of me forever, GAG ME, never. Life is about taking responsibility for yourself and those that depend on you, like your children. When you get divorced, WHATEVER the circumstances, it is NOT your exe's responsibility to keep you in a lifestyle where you don't have to do your part to support yourself and your kids. I realize that every situation is different,but in any case, when a divorce occurs, it is BOTH parents' responsibility to pick up the pieces and make survival a priority for their kids.

xnot there's picture

What exactly is child

What exactly is child support supposed to cover?If we took the child support we get from my husbands ex wife and only spent that on the child it would come far from raising her.She is a 15 year old and has many educational needs as well as academic needs.I would like to have a copy of what child support is supposed to used for to give his ex so the child will see it and not be pressured to believe her mom that she pays for everything by paying child support and will not contribute anything else.Shes right there she does not even contribute her time or inconvenience herself for ANYTHING!!

need an opinion's picture

does child support cover routine dental check ups??

My husband has 3 boys from his previous marriage. He pays his ex $2,000.00 per week, yes, roughly $8,000.00 per month. In my opinion that should cover everything. We also provide health insurance.. Recently the ex called to say we owe her 500.00 for there visit to the dentist. I told my husband, ya right, child support should cover that. Why should we cover the dental bill? Like I said what she gets per week should cover everything. This women gets more money a week then people see in a month. Anyway just need someone's opinion.. thanks

Frances1056's picture

Child Support

My Stepson's mother just sued us for more child support and to reduce his Father's time. It was a great victory yesterday when we won and she realized she was going to get less money. WOOHOO, then guess what? She decides she doesn't want to discuss that anymore! LOL. Well, then she tried to get part of my business which once again was DENIED. Listen Mom's Dad's and Stepparents, build your case, keep a paper trail that is airtight and these money hungry witches will LOSE everytime. They are driven by money and money alone. Lets face it women, if you lie down and have a child you need to be able to support that child 100% yourself there is never a guarantee that he won't leave you, die, or have something else happen. You Mothers need to stop demanding money from these men. You make us women look weak. I am a 2nd wife, but I will tell you one thing I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD MY SON IF I COULD NOT SUPPORT HIM MYSELF, I DON'T NEED HIS MONEY NOR WOULD I WANT IT. Don't you women have enough willpower to make it on your own? Why does a man have to support you? Its not supporting the child. If so, you could just submit a "within reason" receipt and he pay HALF! Not 80% of 90% but half. You laid down, spread your legs, now deal with your issues. I am a strong women and I don't need a man to support my son, I can do it on my own. If you can't? Then that child needs to live elsewhere and not with you.

Coxe's picture

I have been on both sides of

I have been on both sides of this fence. My husband dose pay child support to his ex and I and he have no problem with that. The problem is she dose not work and hasn't for years. A man should not have to pay for the ex not to work. I can't afford to go to a tanning bed or get my nails done ect,ect... but she can without working. Gee I wounder where that money comes from. I never got child support for my two children it was easy for a man not to pay years ago. But I made it with my to children. I sometimes work two and three jobs but I did it. But being married now to a man that pays child support and never misses a payment I can't stand how the system works. Women how get the money always want more for this and that. I don't think a man should have to pay for the housing or the electric and gas bills. The women would have to pay that any way. The women is supposed to help in the support. That can be her part. Since I know she isn't using anymore of her money on the children. Don't give me any BS back. Been there done that with any child support. I know how much it cost to raise children and it dosen't cost as much as women want everyone to think it dose. My children didn't go without with just me working. Even though I worked alot to make sure of that. I did without and that is what it boils down to the women don't want to do without. I also found quality time with my children. The children should have the same life style not the mother.

jsmc0315's picture

CS Coverage

I am a SM to a wonderful 3 yr old boy. He lives 4 hours away with his mother. My husband and BM were never married (one night stand). But my husband has been involved since day 1. He has paid BM $300 per month and has met BM and or SD every month to get SS for a week visit here. Since SS lives in MO and we live in KY are the child support laws different? Recently SS has been signed up for preschool and daycare. BM decided to file for CS which my husband agreed to do for the benefit of the child. My question is since they have no court papers for child support (yet) nor custody can we still be invovled in his school, receive his "grades" etc without ALWAYS going thru BM. We have a good relationship with BM but here lately we think we are not being told everything. SO what does CS cover? We understand food, home and clothing but BM says that is it we still have to pay on top of that for school, daycare, insurance, etc. Which we were not aware of. BM had a medical card on SS which we thought he still had until she told us in April 08 that he hasn't had it since Aug 07 when she took a full time job. So we were unaware of her paying for any type of medical coverage. My husband has asked about school tuition and daycare but BM never seems to have all the answers. And today my husband called the school and they wouldn't tell him anything! We assume the court will say he is responsible for half of his tuition/education and medical or have coverage on his insurance for the child. Is that right? Or do we need to request our case worker have that all plainly stated. Can we do that? And please how do I get my husband to agree to file custody papers now to save ANY problems with him coming to KY, or us being able to contact school teachers, etc. Sorry i know that was alot - just glad I found this site.

dazed and confused's picture

child support

okay, i have some questions and comments..i would like to know why my child's father thinks that our daughter is supposed to have a new outfit everyweek when he pays child support? he thinks that when he pays child support its not to go the upbringing of the child-he thinks that she's supposed to have baby phat and apple bottom clothes and air max tennis shoes and he only pays 62.00 bucks a wk. why does he not understand that there are other things that need to be done like rent, utilities, gas, food,etc....of course i'm still gonna get the things that she needs-i dont use the money for drugs or alcohol or nails and a hairdo, can anyone explain to me why he thinks this?




Anonalabama's picture


This subject sucks - my sons father pays child support; has never missed a payment and when I have asked they have paid half his medical - but I never asked for much of that -

They don't help me pay for activities - but if he ask's they will -

As much as I thought I hated it over the years - I have to tell you the step mom was very proactive and reduced the interaction his dad and I had and you know now that I look back at it - it was the right thing - it would have been worse if we would have had more contact.

I also have been the new girlfriend of men who are overpaying their ex-spouses. Their requests have been horrible from please buy my dad (his ex1) a new dryer it broke - to I want your first class upgrades.

The second wants him to pay for part of the fencing at her new house because its for the "good of the kids" he pays 1100.00 a month and the first guy paid over 1800.00 a month in cs -

I say these types of women are looking to keep their nail & pedicure money for themselves and be kept women to continue to have a "man" pay their way

I think its disruptive and controlling, creates adversity in your relationship with the kids and full of hostility.

My experience being with a Man who is still pussy whipped like this is a no win situation -

RUN LIKE HELL unless he absolutely shows that he is NOT paying her way and cooperates with you and makes sure your life is alright you are in a world of shit -

They are still talking, f*&#ing or thinking about f*&#ing...

bewitched's picture

Strange view-my H should be paying more c/s

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Strange comment? Yes, I know. BUT-H recieved no child support for the 14 yrs he was raising his kids. He gets upset about that, but he had every opportunity to pursue it and chose not to.

So, H justifies paying his ex very little. And he makes a good income. She makes very little. And has been cowed by him into not going to court to increase it. They merely agreed on the small sum he pays. Of course, I'm sure she has no real idea of just what his income really is.

We provide the health insurance (paid for my H's employer). We pay the deductible (very small). We pay for glasses and any dental not covered by the insurance.

But. H loves being "Daddy Bucks" and throwing money to SD17 for "status" purchases. In the meantime, there have been times when the skids have called and said there is no food in the house, could he please give some grocery money.

I would much rather see him pay a few more dollars to the BM, to feed the kids, and pay their necessities, rather than wasting it on extravagant purchases for SD17.

Just my observation.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

TinaKay's picture

you can google this info

of what child support covers. Thats is the best info your going to get on the matter.

Kelly Aldridge's picture

Try this on for extra support

I've been quietly lurking for a few days and am really grateful to have finally found this site! My DH has two grown children who are the epitamy of spoiled, obnoxious brats. My SD has been in college 5 yrs (it should have only taken her 4 to complete her degree) and SS never graduated high school is now almost 20 still lives with BM doesn't work and now doesn't have a vehicle (he went thru 4 of them in one year) and wants dad to buy him another one! DH was paying over 600 dollars a month just in car insurance alone (for his ex of over 14 yrs as well) not to mention SD cell phone bill and car payment. You can only imagine what a strain that can put on your finances:( Not to mention a marriage. BM has no qualms about calling DH on a regular basis to let him know what other expences he needs to pay. Now SD has decided to not look for a job immediately upon graduation from college but to have one final summer blow-out, all the while knowing that her student loan payments will begin 6 months after graduation! DH has promised her that he will continue to make car payments, insurance payments and had the audacity to want to buy her a $500 cell phone and add her to my cell plan! We are not made of this kind of money, our washer and dryer are kaput and I now have to go to the laundry mat to do laundry. The laws in our state do not require any more support for these kids but I can't get DH to stop. SS wants to move in with us because BM is sick of his crap, my DH works out of state every other week and I have put my foot down and said no way in Hell will he live here period! Now I look like the jerk! When his kids do come around they are disrepectful, rude, and always have a hand out wanting something! I can't stand to even hear their names anymore! Sorry for so long of a rant, just finally on last nerve. Thanks

lb's picture

so mad just reading these comments

from malicious mothers who want a free ride on the CS train!

Latjec's picture

BM lives better than we do

So my DH pays 1000/month for one child. When we met he barely was able to support him self while BM went on yearly over sees vacations. She makes about the same as DH.
She also borrowed 10,000 dollars from him ( his share if the divorce agreement and then rented so that she could buy a house for SS.
She promised to bak it back and then when she sold the house several years after the divorce and after we were married she told him him I am not paying you not one bit. So DH took her to court and lost because it was a verbal agreement not a contract. I now carry insurance for SS and we have to pay an extra Life insurance policy for me and SS both becuase BM gets all his life insurance per court order. She used to bill us fo everything, Bus rides, co pays, school fees .... We have stopped that since when we looked at it he wl have paid her 90,000 cash tax free by the time SS is 18 which is in 2 years.
My own children see SS and BM going on a international tours each year and DH and I struggle to send our kids for school trips. the kids notice it when SS is wearing high end designer clothes and they cannot. so we stopped paying anything extra and she ranted and raved about what bad people we were but because her only choice was to take us to court she shut up finally.

I can't wait till he turns 18 !!!!!!! we still have to pay 50% of college but that will be cheaper than the 12,000 a year we pay now

TDuall25's picture

What should I do?

I will say I am trying to decide if I should take my BD dad back to court because I had child support figured ten years ago before both of us finish college. I work full-time and cover the insurance premiums for medical, dental, and vision. He is suppose to cover the insurance, but only got it one time and he said, "It would only cover doctor visits in state of Washington." But child support was taken out in Missouri and we live in Missouri. He will never send us a insurance card (nothing). He has only seen her twice after not seeing her 10 years. He gets mad because she doesn't call him but when she does he talks for one minute that is it and if his conversation longer is that he brags to her how rich he is and how he buys his girlfriends kids all this stuff and how perfect they are and it hurts her because he doesn't make any effort to see her. I have always had a open door policy even though I have full custody. I asked him since cost of living has gone up greatly and he makes so much more money if he could send a little bit more money and he said, "It should be equal and he will buy her anything she wants and he doesn't think he should support my life style because he worked hard for his money and life style(I raised her with no child support payment for six years and I have always worked full time while putting myself through college, so I could support our family)." So she asked and he said, "You only talk to me when you want something and gives her a hard time." We both only made 8 something a hour when child support was figured. I wasn't telling him a certain amount to send, but thought since the cost of living went up and he does not cover the insurance or pay any other expensive, that he could help a little bit more. I agreed at first for her just to ask for what she needs, but he gives her a hard time. He says since she won't open up to him, "He will just send his child support and not be part of her life. I have told him many times to give her sometime and be part of her life." I am not going to keep telling him that. Should I have child suppor refigured? What do you think?

Rags's picture

Nail the BioDad's ass to the CS wall. You can amend CS

every two years or when there is a major change in the situation including changes on both sides of the parental equation.

I would not contact BioDad at all in this process. Get an attorney and file directly with the Jurisdictional Court. You mention that the original Court Order is in MO. If you and your daughter live in MO, file in MO. As for the health insurance only covering doctors in Washington???????????? That is a complete load of crap and he is totally playing you and your child.

Get the CS order ammended NOW and hold his nuts to the fire to comply with the new order. And, since he is such a manipulative dirt bag, nail his ass to the wall for extended CS through college graduation for your daughter and get the court to throw in that he covers 100% of college costs. Since he is so rich and all.


Sorry for the rant but nail his giggle berrys to the wall don't let him off the hook for anything.

It is interesting that you have an "open door policy" that he never walks through. It is his responsibility to support his daughter. It is not a favor to you or to your daughter.

We have dealt with the poor BioDad crap for 15yrs. He has never paid above a pittance in CS but we have always made sure he paid. My Son (SS) will never have to hear that his Father did not care enough about him not to support him.

I believe your daughter deserves the same message.

Get a Court Order for increased CS and hold him to it. Every time he tries to weasle out of it, roll it up and beat him about the head and shoulders with it. (figuratively of course).

People like your SpermDonor just piss me off.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy. Parenting is not a popularity contest. -Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or

frustrated454's picture

child support

child support as I have always understood it was figured out and to be used for everything not including health ins.
if the bm wants more money she would have to go ask for an increase in her cs. I am a bm and a sm. My ex doesnot pay on time and knows his way around the system, howevever my dh always always pays on time and pays a big amount. anything else needed should be included in child support or it could never end the requests for extra money etc.

Rags's picture

How about this? CS covers everything unless otherwise ....

stipulated in the Judgement. In our case CS covers everything but half of uncovered medical expenses (Co-Pays, med procedures, etc...).

The CS level includes BioDad's share of the Day Care $'s and Med Insurance premiums. Half of Med Premiums were included in the original Court Order 15yrs ago and CS was amended 8yrs ago to include half of Day Care costs. We receive CS each month and have yet to see any reimbursement for uncovered Med expenses in 15+ years. BioDad will get a bit slap in the face next Aug when I sue him for unpaid Med expenses, penalties and interest. Ha! I can't wait to see the look on the Toothless Moron's face when he gets that bill. He owes us about $4K based on the receipts we regularly send him, that he declines. Even the Judge has warned him that failure to pay his share will result in penalties and interest being tacked on to what he owes. My SWAG on what he will end up owing, based on conversations with the Judge and our Attorney is, ~$9500.00 including actual charges, penalties and interest.

So, in our case the Judgement is very clear. CS covers everything but what Med insurance does not cover.

I for one am good with this. CS is income that the CP can spend at their discretion. When a CP says that part of the CS money goes to a car payment that is only the CP's mental alignment on where the money is being spent. CS covers expenses for the Skids and only the Skids. The problem arises when the CPs use it as general income to augment their lifestyles or cover household expenses that people other than the Skids benefit from.

I think that many NCPs get wrapped around the axle on where the CP says the money is spent Vs what it is intended by the courts to cover. Since CS is discretionary income to CPs they do not have to justify where it is spent. The Courts only care that the NCP is participating in supporting their children the Courts don't give a Shit how the CP spends the money.

In our case the money is irrelevant but it bugs the crap out of BioDad and the SpermClan that CS is required at all. Stupid people miss the point. CS has nothing to do with ability to pay it has to do with actively supporting the kids. Those of us who have Skids as (nearly) full time residents in our homes spend far more supporting the kids than CS provides. At leas in most cases. Those who are dealing with CS levels in the $500.00/Mo per kid or greater range are for the most part getting screwed.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy. Parenting is not a popularity contest. -Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or

StepAside's picture

BM didn't work. Ours went

BM didn't work. Ours went to pay BM's live-in nanny, pay all of her expenses, pay for all of the children's expenses, help support BM's mother, fly BM wherever we flew the kids, for BM's hotel and all her expenses, pay to ship all her stuff back that she bought while visiting us (DH paid for CS while we had the kids and while she was in the hotel). Amounts above the CS were often uses to barter for more time with the kids. Well, I wrote that wrong. Sounds like my DH was bartering. Actually, BM used to tell him he'd never see his kids again if he didn't pay her. So let's call it blackmail.

Basically, the CS was used not so much as child support, but as leverage. Now my darling stepdivas employ a tactic they learned well. Daddyyyyyy, I'll love you but it'll cost you $$$$$$$$.


StepMadre's picture

CS is for

clothes and jewelry for the BM. Everyone knows this! Your ex owes it to you because he is married to someone else, not you and you deserve it because you exist.

KIDDING. CS is called CHILD support and is for the support of the children. There is a thing called "Alimony" that is meant to be used for the ex. If you are receiving CS, then you should only use the money for childcare related expenses. Like any BMs follow this, but it is what it is intended for.

"The truth shall set you free." ~John 8:32

" You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them." ~Sue Sylvester, on Glee.

ang1234's picture

I am a CP and married to a

I am a CP and married to a NCP.... I get child support for the one child that I have full custody of, the other child we share 50/50 I do not get nor ask for child support from her father as I believe that he needs to cover his expenses at his home and I cover my expenses at my home and that we split anything extra like Child Care, Medical bills, etc. Now.... on the other hand my hubbys ex is getting 410.00 per month in child support when they share the child 50/50, I dont understand why it is my hubbys responsibility to cover expenses at her home when we have her 1/2 the time here and take care of our own.... Then she has the nerve to take him to court to try and get an increase in child support and lie to the court that the time share is 60% with mother and 40% with father!! Child is 13 years old and mother insists that child needs PAID child care when dad is home all day and can watch her if need be on mothers days (dad works nights) He has always paid, and paid on time she is just so bitter and wants more, more, more. Why should Dad pay to feed child at Moms when they both have the child 50% of the time?????? btw... mother has a degree and potential to have a really good job but choses not to.

beingmanipulated's picture

I am sooo frustrated right

I am sooo frustrated right now. I am both a bm and sm at this time. My husband of 15 years left for another woman, we have 4 children. I have full custody, majority of visitation and full decision making. He pays his cs every month and I usually have no complaints other than the way he treats our children (cursing at our teenage daughter, choosing his new wife over his kids, etc.) However, I have never even known of anyone to have a case like my current spouse with his x. His x left hime for his supposed best friend (whom she worked for). I have heard from some of her former friends that she cheated with different men the entire time they were married to the point one friend had questioned the paternity of her children. SHe had also told others she was staying with spouse long enough to be able to claim his social sec. and then planned to marry someone for money. Well, she did just that. She filed for divorce after 12 years, went to a lower income job to establish a low income for child support, then went back to work for her boyfriend making double the income. She continued to ask for extra money (claiming that since the kids wore shoes that she paid for to their dad's, he should have to reimburse for 1/2). She was so distraught when my husband and I started dating that she began countless strategies to come between us, telling her kids she hated me, trying to convince her x I wouldn't want him, accusing her x of choosing me over his kids and telling the kids so if he refused to come get them when she called asking him to take them while we were out on a date. She then put herself in a pysch facility conveniently one day before we had planned an out of town trip. Of course we stayed to care for the kids. After, she asked to go to mediation to allow dad equal time with his kids. She said she knew this would reduce her child support, but was willing and of course dad was elated. She refused to show proof of her income and insisted on using the original (lower) income as stated on the cs worksheet. Every 3 months they went back to the mediator, my husband expecting the trial period to be over and the agreement to go before a judge to become permanent, but each time she refused and gave another reason to "keep trying". The first change came as a result of bm complaining that their oldest son got off the bus everyday at her house (original agreement since dad lives out of zone) and she should be compensated for the extra food, electricity, ect. he used in the 1-2 hours he spent there until dad could get off work. dad agreed to an extra $50/mo. After one year of this bm changes her mind, refuses to go permanent and claims she wants her original full support and visitation, but if we agree to pay her an extra $220/mo she will leave the visitation as is. We filed a lawsuit. We spent 2 1/2 years trying to negotiate. We found out that she had been making $20,000- $30,000 more than dad the entire time and had lied at mediation. We also found that she should have to pay dad instead, but we didn't even want it if she would just leave us alone and keep equal visitation. She led us to believe that we had an agreement for another 8 months, then refused and asked for a court date. She also filed a suit with he state claiming dad was delinquent on cs even though we had agreements through attorney's made. My husband paid everything our attorney instructed us to and on time. Unfortunately, she is way better at manipulation than I could have imagined. She had her now spouse/boss decrease her income, stalled the court date to establish this income for one year, and knew that my husband recieved a raise during this past year (a raise that would have just made their incomes equal had she not intentionally reduced hers). Even though the judge could tell that bm and her spouse were hiding money (even their combined quoted incomes could not come close to paying their extravagant mortage, designer clothing, cars, etc.) Since they own and work for their own company, they showed it all on paper and without having the IRS audit them we can't prove otherwise (even if common logic proves it). The judge did everything he could to rule in our favor and bm was very angry, but I am frustrated at the fact we have to pay her anything and then she cotinues to make my husband feel guilty and obligated to pay extra for school trips, sports and extracurriculars. I dont think he should give her anything other than what was ordered, but feel guilty that I am asking him to tell his kids no. I would do anything for those kids and have sacrificed thousands to fight to keep them, but my children are sacrificing finacially too everytime we have to give more to Mrs.Greed! My husband gets angry becuase he wants to be able to feel like he gives to his kids too. Bm very often buys luxury itmes, expensive dinners out, etc. and causes dad to feel guilty that we can't afford the same. Now less than a month after the court hearing where they testified that they were broke and living on credit, they are putting in a pool, installing a new gazebo and just bought the kids desinger summer clothing. Am I wrong to not want to write her a check for half of an FFA summer trip for my ss?

herewegoagain's picture

No parent spends more than

No parent spends more than 20% of their income on ONE child as far as I am concerned. I definitely know we do NOT under any circumstances spend 20% of our income on our SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD even with therapies, thus although my idiot DH many times gave crazy extra money, I put a stop to it quickly. Once he realized how much we spent on our child every month vs. how much crazy and idiot get, he stopped feeling guilty. You need to start tracking your own kid's expenses so that he can see how little they actually cost vs. how much the cs plus extras are...that should take care of it.

My DH does not get a raise and neither do I because we CHOOSE to put our kiddo in an extra-curricular activity...neither should crazy.