Dear Carolyn: My ex-husband is divorcing his second wife ....
Dear Carolyn:
My ex-husband is divorcing his second wife and moving on to his new girlfriend. This year, our son graduates from high school and a graduation party will be held at my house. I planned to invite my son’s stepmom, who is really the one who took care of my son during the court-ordered time he was away from home.
However, my son has asked to only invite his father, as the divorce is pretty nasty and he does not want this toxic environment in our home during his special time. I plan to do what my son requests, as this is his graduation.
She and my son keep in touch and she wants to be at the graduation. What should I do, not send an invitation or call her to discuss?
Graduation Clash
What happened to: C. Tell your son he needs to talk to his stepmom about this? Or D. Ask him to reconsider excluding the woman who gave him so much?
He’s not 10, he’s an adult now. Snubbing his stepmother is the injury; letting Mommy do the excluding for him is the insult. He needs to call his stepmother himself.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-dont-let-a-rel...
From the comments:
Wow, that last letter is exactly like an event involving my niece. Around the time of her sweet 16, she and her step mom were on the outs. Niece says to her mother, I don't want to invite step mom. Do I really have to? Mom, instead of explaining why it would only make matters worse to invite Dad but not step mom, just said "you can invite whomever you want." As you can imagine, the result wasn't pretty. It's sad when children have parents who act like children. Or, at least, don't provide proper guidance in turbulent situations.
Wow, an actual considerate BM
Wow, an actual considerate BM who recognizes that the SM played a role in her son's life. And who understands that the family dynamics might make people uncomfortable.
Although, I do agree with the OP that BM needs to tell her son that he need to grow up & explain this to his father/SM himself. But her awareness of the situation is something that most BM's don't seem capable of.
If someone is going to be
If someone is going to be belligerent they shouldn't be invited. If Daddy can't promise to be belligerent then he should not be invited. If he comes and gets out of hand out he goes. Same with Step. If they both promise to act like adults I'd invite both of them but be prepared to act quickly as soon as one or both start to look out of sorts.
I disagree. The to be ex-SM
I disagree. The to be ex-SM contributed a lot to this young man's upbringing. She deserves some respect and acknowledgement. Agree with Orange, if the Dad can't behave properly, he should be left out.
HRNYC, are you monitoring
HRNYC, are you monitoring this post to make sure no views that are not sanctioned by you personally sneak by?
Thank you! It's a relief to know everyone who dared utter an opinion that's different from yours has been put in her place.
You would make a WONDERFUL gatekeeper for the wedding in question! Do not forget to bring your broom to beat off those pesky step-mothers who would expect their SKs to show them some gratitude. !No pasaran!
Ya, it DOES make you wonder
Ya, it DOES make you wonder what the motive is ----. This whole scenario is wacky.
This actually happened a few
This actually happened a few years ago with my son's graduation. My ex husband bought his ex fiancée and her daughter. I was not consulted, nor did I feel I should have any say in it. I never was friendly with the woman, but I am friendly with her dsughter, and she actually came out to dinner with all,of us, not her mother.
I think it is really up to the person graduating. However, if the person graduating says to a parent not to bring their spouse, that is unacceptable. As my ex likes to say to our kids, as long as you are still on my payroll...........
Very true.