In the house we have my BD 7yr SO and SS 15yr. We have all been living together for about 2.5yrs. Skid has high functioning aspergers and is the first close contact I have had with anyone on the spectrum. My parents and SO do not see eye to eye. SO parents and extended family all overseas and have no contact. Both exes not really on the scene much.

My parents and SO and ss got on pretty well in the beginning. We dated for around 2yrs, both of us coming out of married life with a bump. We had the usual spats before and after moving in. And it was around moving time SO and my parents starting having trouble. I can see my parents feeling unsure about how much/little to get involved due to an event with my past wife which ended with me not talking to them for 2 yrs. I feel the base of the problem is an escalated misunderstanding. "She hates us even when we are polite to her" "I am polite to them but they ignore me and think Im not good enough"

Progressively SO makes it clear to me through more intense spats that she is very uncomfortable with them and SS is also. I have a hard time taking sides. I put it down to being a time of getting to know each other and let it slide a lot over family get togethers and holidays as such SO is feeling more and more unsupported. I figure with time and familiarity all will work out.

Yesterday I sent a text to my dad about how I felt sorry for him from when I was a teenager. He replied with "you were nothing like >insert name of SS<" At that time my SO happened to be sitting next to my phone and saw the message. She says that this was an attack on SS and is terribly hurt and angry. I feel like I understand how she could see that but I honestly dont think it was intended this way. We have some heated discussion on it and after a breather I sit down and she tells me she has sent an email to my dad about how SS is coping the best he can with the limited amount of support that he receives from his ONLY parent.

Meanwhile I sent a text back to dad asking 'what do you mean?' he replies with 'what did you do? Is there something you want to tell me?' and I said 'I was talking about not cleaning up mess and grumbling etc' after that he changes the subject and not long after this is when SO sends her email.

My parents rang me directly the next day on the problem (which unsure was a good thing or not) and they confirm it had nothing to do with SS disability and was meant in a literal sense. They are very upset and feel attacked and unsupported by me. SO still believes they meant what they said to drive a wedge between us like they have 'always tried to do'.

I am very angry at SO for taking a few words and running with them the way she has. Am I wrong?

Sorry for the long winded approach

I am lost as to where to go now. I have sent an email to my parents asking them to makeup and begin talking about the whole thing once people calm down. I feel I've left it too long already.

Is SO right? Does this seem like an attempt to drive us apart or is SO so affected by her experiences from SS that she is over-reacting.

I have been trying to read up about aspergers and the challenges they face/present. I will never be able to fully understand how it was for SO to bring up SS and the challenges she faced with her uncooperative ex. moving overseas when he was just a babe and raising him almost alone.

I love her I admire her, but I am truly torn