Urgent advice from Non-Res Bio Dad's re Discipline.
Hi
I am looking for some advice from the non-res dad's out there as to how the deal with discipline...... So in the case of a hostile ex relationship which involves a great deal of parental alienation, the children have no respect for my partner. None. They are rude to him, scream and shout at him, it absolutely breaks my heart as he does everything right for them and the financial support is there in abundance for the ex. But he is painted as the useless parent. (They have been divorced nearly 4 years by mutual decision). To quote the kids 'I hate it here', 'I want to go to Mum's', 'You can't do anything right' and the behaviour between the kids deteriorates as a result. There is no substance to any of their comments screamed in anger, they cannot back them up with anything, but they are coached to hate us and that is a strong influence to overcome. I don't get involved in any of this and the kids don't involve me but it is not nice to watch.
My partner is anything but useless, he is confident, strong, assertive, successful and when I see how the kids run rings around him, it is like seeing a different person. He is becoming very anxious and is desperate to regain control of his household.
My question is really, what parenting style works? What punishments/consequences for a 13 year old? Time out doesn't work. Phone priviledges maybe, grounding? How do you enforce these when your kid will just say, I'm going back to Mum's. Last week we challenged that and just said 'go, call Mum' and guess what she didn't go.
Really need some help. Thanks.
Dad has to man up ( something
Dad has to man up ( something she should have done as soon as this started) and let his kids know he doesn't give a damn what their mother says/allows them to do. They will behave in his home or he will tie fire to their asses.
Regardless of what mom is doing in her home, they lack respect for their father because he didn't/doesn't demand it.
Dad needs to put a hand
Dad needs to put a hand between his legs, grab a big handful of man sack and give it a firm squeeze. If I or my brothers had ever lipped off to our father the way your Skids lip off to their father he would have lit our asses up with a belt in a hurry. The same applied to my Step Son. We would not tolerate this from him either in our home or in his Sperm Idiot's home.
Your DH needs to jack his kids up and light up some kid ass to a stinging cherry red level and let them know that Dad is in charge PERIOD and they can either behave respectfully towards him or they will feel the consequences of your actions. My grandmother used the phrase "if you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel".
Time for dad to bring the "feeling" and apply the consequence to his toxic vitriolic crotch droppings IMHO.
BM is the one at fault but the kids are the ones that will either fix this issue for themselves or bear the consequences for their toxic behavior towards their dad. They refuse to listen so they will have to feel.
NOW!
OMG That will really make
OMG
That will really make those kids think their dad is a big wuss. He goes from not being able to get his kids under control to needing his wife to step up and protect him. Not a good look at all.
True, I don't like to watch
True, I don't like to watch and one day pretty soon I will have to step in or walk out. They have alot of alone 'family' time and to be honest, it seems that it is making their behaviour worse, not better. I am already disengaged and it helps me to cope. I am just trying to find strategies or 'punishments' that will work for this age group and help my bf to cope. I Agree he doesn't demand respect, every time they turn up, he is greeted with open hostility by one, it puts him on the back foot immediately. Agree also that he has to man up, be tough and show them that he is in control, but the fear of 'losing' his kids to their equally depressed, hostile mother is very real. Obviously we are not going to start beating them...! Thanks anyway for your comments.