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SD getting bullied, her VP is a bitch, and I'm home schoolingher

Smellissa's picture

About a month ago, Sd12 called me from the school bathroom, SOBBING! She said "You have to home-school me! Kids are picking on me, and talking about me behind my back!" Sd refused to tell me what the kids were saying (said she didn't know), but she was very upset.

I try not to be dramatic with the SDs. I try to force them to act for themselves, before acting for them. So, I was calm, when I told SD12 that I thought she should try to talk to the kids, and find out what they were saying, and if that didn't work, she needed to tell the teacher or the principal.

SD12 came home that day, flung herself down on the couch next to me, and sobbed in my arms. After she calmed down, I asked her what had happened. SD12 said that she had talked to the Vice Principal, and her choices were to switch classes, or switch "teams" at school.

At our local school, the sixth graders are on Team A or Team B. The kids in your team are the kids who have lunch the same period as you, and are the only kids that can be in the same classes as you. SD said that she wanted to switch classes - one of the worst offenders was in three of her classes.

The next day (February 5th) was a calamity day, but the VP still called me. She told me the same thing that SD had said, but said that SD couldn't give her the names of the students. I asked her to switch SD's classes, and she said she would.

Since then, SD has come home from school 2 or 3 times a week, crying. She can no longer handle stress of any kind, and a sideways look at her, at home, will bring her to tears. It's been horrible to see her like this! Sad

SD came home a week later, and told me that the VP hadn't switched her classes yet, but a few of the kids (remember that VP said that SD refused to give her names!) had apologized!. I emailed the VP, who emailed me that she would look into it. I asked Sd about a week later, and she said that the VP was taking her down to her office during some lunch periods, but she still hadn't gotten new classes. and one of the kids had called her a bitch, as he pushed her into a pole.

VP told me during our next conversation that she was going to have some of SD's teachers pair the kids up in groups, so SD could build a bigger base of friends. What really happened, is SD was put in a group with her tormentor in class. SD said that he yelled at her during the reading assignment, but that nothing had happened to him. The next time we talked about it, this kid was THROWING TRASH AT MY KID!!!

SD12 and I went to her therapist in the meantime. The therapist gave SD some hints on handling bullies, and told me that it might be best to home school SD.

I was in total agreement, so I emailed the VP, to ask what my home schooling options were. From that point on, VP never returned an email, was not available when I called, and never returned a phone call.

My next step was to call the office and set up a face to face meeting. I finally got in, this last Tuesday.

Hubby took the day off work, and he and I went to the meeting together. We got there early, and I asked the receptionist to call SD down to the office at the scheduled time. I thought it was weird that the receptionist asked me if I wanted SD there for the entire meeting. but I'd find out why, later!

Hubby, SD and I waited about ten minutes, so that meant that the VP was about 10 minutes late. Fine. I didn't have much to say.

The VP invited the School Councilor (SC for the rest of this blog!) to join us. We went into the room, and the five of us sat down around the table.

The VP started the meeting by talking. She talked for a few minutes about how unfortunate it that this one kid was still picking on SD and that he was one of their "problem children". (However, this kid never got in any kind of trouble, other then a "talking to" from the VP) I finally interrupted the VP, and asked what my options were to home-school SD. VP looked very surprised, she told me that our school system doesn't offer that option, then she turned to SD.

VP and SC said told SD that she will be picked on her whole life. They said that people will always talk about her behind her back.. Then they told SD that she needed to stand up and face it. I bit my tongue.

Once again, they offered to change SD's classes. I interrupted, and mentioned that we'd been hearing this for a while now. VP turned and looked at SD, and told SD if that didn't work, they would just change her whole team (this is something that SD has told me and VP already, she did not want to do!) and she would have to leave behind all of the friends that she had made so far this year.

Then, they dismissed SD, and talked to me and Hubby. The kids that VP had talked to, THREE WEEKS AGO? Apparently one of them said that my SD has body odor.

Is it possible that SD has body odor? Very! She is 12 years old, her body is changing, and yeah, body odor is very possible. I haven't noticed it, but I have a very bad nose.

Hubby has mentioned it to me, once, when SD spent the day at work with him, on the weekend. I assumed that she had BO because she'd gotten up at 6 on a Saturday to spend the day with her dad, and didn't have time to shower!

SD showers daily, puts on deodorant, and brushes her teeth.

Anyway, how could you watch a kid come to your office in tears, day after day, know what the problem is, and not tell her? How could you talk to their parent, email with their parent, etc, and NEVER FUCKING MENTION THE PROBLEM? Basically, VP just let my SD get picked on, because ???? she didn't want to embarrass her??

I know that my SD's personal hygiene is not her VP's job. It is mine and Hubby's. I am still very angry, that she never ever mentioned it to me or SD!

Wednesday, SD went to school, and nothing was changed. Thursday, SD went to school, and nothing changed. Today (Friday), SD had a doctor's appointment, so I kept her out of school. Around noon, I called the school to find out what had been done about SD's class.

Guess which VP wasn't available? I talked to SC, who said that she thought I and SD had been notified, but that they couldn't change SD's classes! I asked about switching SD's team, and I was told that it was too late in the year to switch teams! (Hallow threat to my kid, three days earlier!! BITCH!)

I got off the phone, looked at my SD, explained what was said, and said "What now?" SD teared up and begged me "PLease home-school me!"

So, I started making phone calls. The first place I called, couldn't do digital academy this late in the year. They said that they could send me out the text books to home school, but that 1) I'd have to do it myself, 2) I would have to pay $40-60 per class 3) I'd have to pay $20/month for any online assistance.

The second place I called was (local school district) online academy. I called the number listed online, and it was Local School District main office. They gave me a number to call, which was teacher-who-taught-me-18years-ago-at-local-school-district.. it starts adding up here, right? Anyway, I had to leave a message.

Third place I called said that they would enroll SD, they would provide her with a cell phone and laptop to connect her to the internet, but that it would take about 3 weeks for SD to be enrolled. Sad SD told me that she wished that I had called sooner, but that she was proud of me for trying to take care of her problem.

So, while we are sitting at the Doctor's office, teacher-who-taught-me called. He said he could enroll SD (free) but she would have to start one day next week. I told him that I would try to get the paperwork he needed to his office this weekend or Monday. He said he would drive by my house this evening and pick it up!!!

I came home, filled out paperwork, and he came by. One day next week, SD and I have to find a ride to his office for intake. (His office is in the same parking lot as SD's school, by the way! BITCHES!) Then, SD will home school on her personal laptop until the school procures her one of theirs to use.

Comments

moeilijk's picture

Good for you.

I think it is important for kids to learn how to get along. But NOT how to get along with bullies. I was bullied for a long time - the only time I EVER felt taken seriously was when some of the bullies at my school got their friends from a neighbouring Catholic school to join in. The Catholic school principal talked to me and my friend and absolutely made it clear that being a target is ALWAYS undeserved.

It won't be easy to keep emotional SD12 focussed on school and SD14 might be jealous of the extra time with you. You might have to push yourself very hard to do things out of the house - like homeschooling activities with other homeschooled kids, or field trips to bring lessons to life. I have no doubt you can do it.

I am also very proud of Hubby for being a good support for you and SD at the meeting with VP and SC.

moeilijk's picture

GAK, reply-hog now. But I was thinking, removing the bullying from SD's daily life will be a relief at first. But one of the reasons it bothers her so much is that she really wants to belong. So you'll have to work with her on her self-esteem so that she is happy because SHE likes herself, and also help her with socialising more because that's something she really values.

You sure jumped in the deep end with these two SDs!!

moeilijk's picture

dupe.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Good for you for helping your SD and finding a solution.

The VP and SC are idiots and not doing their job that you as a taxpayer are paying them to do. I would have gone over their heads when they told your SD that she will always be bullied and have them removed from their jobs. The boy who harassed and physically pushed your SD needs to be the one removed from the school. I would have called the police on him if the school did not.
Schools should have a zero tolerance for bullying.

Home school her for now and go to counseling so she learns how to stand up for herself and improve her self esteem. Take steps to fix your schools lack of concern with this. If it is happening to your SD, it is happening to others. I am sure the boy who harassed her does not always smell like roses. The problem is not anyone's body odor....it is the targeting of a child by a group of bullies.
It is good some of them apologized when she would not reveal their names. Hopefully they stopped that behavior. The school could have addressed the student body as a whole to let them know it would not be tolerated. And any physical harassment warrants a suspension.
But the VP and SC did nothing. Very sad.

Good luck.
Be the change you want to see in the world. Gandhi

simifan's picture

While I think you did your best for SD, I urge you to call the superintendent. What about the next kid who's parent takes their word for it.