BM pissed, braces drama and wedding oh my! Vent
I pissed off BM by taking SS10 to the dentist because she refused for over 2 years. He has six cavities. And the dentist mentioned we should take him for an ortho consult because according to xrays, it looks like some of his adult teeth are coming in wonky.
BM freaked out that I took him and after that died down, has decided SS10 needs braces right now. This week. Even though he hasn't been to the ortho yet. And since their CO says FDH pays for all medical and dental expenses, she wants him to have the money right now. Which he doesn't. BM got bitchy saying take the money out of the wedding fund (we're getting married in May), which is stupid.
I have the money and will probably wind up paying for the braces at the end of the day, but BM is bugging the shit out of me. Yes SS10 will need braces, however he doesn't need to have them this week. Also, I am not entirely sure if braces are considered a dental expense or an extraordinary expense since technically they are cosmetic. Extras are to be split 50/5o.
I know BM can't afford it, but she's being such a bitch I almost feel like telling her she has to pay half just to shut her up for awhile. The closer we get to this wedding, the crazier BM gets. Uggg.
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We will definietly get him
We will definietly get him whatever he needs. I am just annoyed with BM for flat out refusing to take him to the dentist, threatening to cause a scene with the dentist if we did since she has medical decision making and then all of sudden being so concerned that everything has to happen right now. She's ridiculous.
That's awful! I'm sorry she
That's awful! I'm sorry she put you in the middle like that.
In our state, it is
In our state, it is considered an expense that is dental/health. BUT, it is none of her business HOW your SO pays for the braces. They all offer financing. You don't need to come up with the full amount right now and he certainly doesn't have to give it to her. If he's responsible for it, he can pay it directly to the ortho.
Poor kid hasn't been to the
Poor kid hasn't been to the dentist in over 2 years? I hope the dentist says something to her, at least. I don't know if that is big enough for cps to be involved but I hope something can be done.
I was just thinking, could
I was just thinking, could this be neglect?
Nope. And I have brought it
Nope. And I have brought it up to both FDH and BM many times. BM has medical decision making and she threatened to cause a scene with the dentist if I took SS10 to the dentist. BM said she would take him when he needed to go.
I finally just took him after he developed a visible cavity and BM still didn't take him. I felt like that was crossing the line to neglect. I asked our family dentist what I should do in the situation where BM has medical decision making but refuses to allow us to take him to the dentist. My dentist said technically I should call CPS on her. However, I really didn't want to do that as she is a good mother in all other things. And I didn't want the drama.
So the dentist said to just bring SS10 in and if BM makes any trouble about SS10 being seen without a parent then the dentist will just call CPS on her. So that's what I did. FDH was a little upset I didn't consult with him first, but in the past he has said there's nothing he can do because BM has medical decision making. I didn't want to hear that this time so I just took him. I decided I can handle whatever drama happens. Besides, it's a good thing I did cause the kid has six cavities and needs braces.
BUT not braces by this week. BM is just being dramatic with that.
BM smells money. Beast.
BM smells money. Beast.
And definately neglect.
Tell her if and when the braces go on the kids teeth, you guys will pay the dentist directly. That should sufficiently send her off the deep end!
Wouldn't SS need to get the
Wouldn't SS need to get the cavities taken care of before any braces go on? Also, braces are in most cases, "extras" so YES BM would need to pay half and your DH should insist on that and not be a wimp about standing up to her on this.
Yes he will have to get the
Yes he will have to get the cavities taken care of. There is no way SS10 can get braces this week period. But BM is just causing drama. She is trying to stress FDH out about money because she is unhappy we are getting married.
BM works a low paying job and won't be able to afford to contribute anything towards the braces whether they fall under dental expenses or extras. So I know we are paying period. Quite frankly it's more like I will be the one paying.
I just feel like telling her she has to pay half to shut her up for a little bit so FDH doesn't feel so stressed about it. He doesn't want me to pay for them but he doesn't have the money at the moment, so he's going to have to take my money and he will feel bad about it.
I already scheduled another appt to start taking care of the cavities and I will talk to BS14's ortho at his next appt to set up a consult because I think we get a discount if we use him. If BM gives me any crap I may have to call CPS about this whole mess but I really would rather not.
I agree FDH should have taken
I agree FDH should have taken him. He just kept saying BM has the medical decision making so he couldn't. I admittedly overstepped because someone had to do something about it. The kid had developed a visible cavity and it still wasn't getting handled.
I have been with FDH 6 years, I love the skid and I could not stand by any longer on this issue. Most of the time I let them do their thing but they were WRONG this time. I supposed I could have called CPS but it seemed like that would be even more drama than just taking him to the dentist.
Look, I totally understand
Look, I totally understand you. I made & took SD7 to the eye doctor this past summer. She has a wandering eye & needs to go every 6 months, BM hadn't taken her in 14 months! I talked to DH & got the ok, SD7 is on my insurance so I made her appt the same time as mine & we both went. I couldn't stand seeing ehr eye go crazy anymore!
Thank you....I love my skids
Thank you....I love my skids but I definitely let their mom be their mom. However this was getting ridiculous and I couldn't stand it anymore.
I don't think you overstepped
I don't think you overstepped or should be beating yourself up for this in any way. It's downright disturbing that neither of his bioparents took him.
Yes it is crazy. I think FDH
Yes it is crazy. I think FDH was depressed at the time of the divorce. BM cheated on him and wanted a divorce to be with her affair partner. He just asked for joint custody with 50% parenting time and did not contest anything else. He pays more CS than I think he should given the 50% time split, there is ROFR, he has to pay 100% of any child care costs, 50% of any extras, he is responsible to carry insurance and pay 100% of anything not covered by insurance but BM has final authority to decide medical and educational decisions in the event of a disagreement. That is what she kept bringing up in regards to the dentist. BM said she didn't think SS10 needed to go to the dentist and she would take him when he did. But even after I pointed out the visible cavity to her, she still wouldn't take him!
FDH doesn't want to go back to court because he thinks it will be too hard on the skids so he just puts up with her crap. I mostly stay out of it but felt I had to intervene in this case.
I don't think I will because
I don't think I will because I understand that he's trying to put his kid before himself. We have separate finances for the most part, although I outearn him and sometimes have to pick up the financial slack.
We also tend to treat each others children kind of like beloved nieces or nephews vs. getting all possessive of them. We spend time and love them, but let the bioparent make the decisions. Usually. Can't say there hasn't been drama along the way. FDH does have a personality conflict with my BD19 and I sometimes step in when I feel strongly about something, like the dentist. However, I am pretty sure I would have taken my niece/nephew to the dentist if their parents didn't do it.
It's really horrible when a
It's really horrible when a step-parent steps UP because the bios don't or won't and then the SP gets accused of overstepping.
We noticed once that SD was squinting to see. We asked her if she'd ask her mom to go to the eye doctor. Next time, SD said that her mom yelled and said that if WE thought she needed an eye appointment than WE could take her to it!
Okay, fine. Even though we lived 45 minutes away from the nearest place that was even OPEN on the weekends (in skids town), we drove BACK again on a Saturday so SD could have an exam (making it three days of being in a car for a long trip for the skids). SD was so excited that she got to pick her own frames.
Not only did BM have a fit that we took "HER" daughter to get an eye exam and glasses she NEEDED, she proceeded to hate on the frames that SD picked out and went BACK to the store and got DIFFERENT GLASSES made up. Of course, our insurance only paid one pair a year AND the place had our information so guess who got the bill for that?? WE DID
Luckily, the judge, after reviewing all the evidence, decided that BM was responsible for that $150 bill NOT US.
I have some sympathy for BMs
I have some sympathy for BMs because I am a BM as well as an SM. I know it would be hard not to be around my kid all the time much less have a third party involved. However, this kind of nonsense is just uncalled for. Power trip, much?