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I wonder what I was thinking....

allume's picture

Submitted by allume on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 8:18pm

My stepkids are nice. And decent people. And have no trouble entertaining themselves. And they are making me insane. We moved from Southern California to the Pacific Northwest about 2 years ago. Prior to that, the kids visited on an every-other-weekend basis. To make a VERY long story short, all 3 of them (ages 18, 20, and 22) moved up with us in to an 1100 sq ft 3BR-2BA what was supposed to be a temporary home. For the most part, they clean up after themselves and don't eat much. As a matter of fact, ALL they do is sit either in front of the computer or in front of the TV. They do not do chores, they do not pay rent, only one of them has a job and it's part time - 2 short days a week. The rest of their lives they schlep around the house, moaning and groaning about aching necks and backs, I would imagine due to the endless hours in front of the PC playing games.
My husband admittedly spoiled them as they were growing up - he protects his daughters

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allume's picture

Submitted by allume on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 8:33pm

Thank you! I completely agree - unfortunately I didn't finish the above posting and I'm unsure how to go back and finish it - but that exactly is the heart of my frustration. I was on my own when I was 18, lived alone and had a full time job. NONE OF THESE KIDS EVEN HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE! My husband does not like to pressure them, especially the girls - it's my feeling it's his way of keeping his worry for them under control. We've talked about it often and he keeps assuring me they will be on their own soon - he blames the employers for not giving them full time jobs Smile but they do nothing around the house to pitch in, and that is the straw that is breaking the camel's back! I do not like to give ultimatums, but I am at a point where I can't even stand to be in the same room with them, the situation makes me so angry. I see no other way to get any action out of my husband rather than threatening to leave.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 8:57pm

Wow. Can I move in & do nothing too? Why in the world would these leave, get jobs, get driver's licenses? Someone else expressed it perfectly in another post - men need actions not words - if they won't leave or help out. Take action - strike, take a few days @ moms, etc. Make sure DH knows you've had enough & won't support adult babies anymore.

allume's picture

Submitted by allume on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 10:35pm

I love you guys! Thanks for letting me vent and letting me know my feelings are justified!

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Mon, 02/10/2014 - 8:43am

If you've grown up having everything done for you and not being expected to contribute, then you're going to carry on doing that. I know because I did that - I was spoiled by my mum and didn't realise how much effort went into running the house until I moved out and went to university. But as a stepmum I now know that the only thing more annoying than having children laying around doing nothing is having adults doing it! What needs to happen is for DH to sit down with them, tell them they are adults and need to do their fair share of the housework, agree jobs with them, and check they do them. And also to give them a push in the job hunting department, start asking them what they've applied for, sit down and work on their CVs with them. But can he do it?