Is it really over..?
So I just had a talk with my fiance about how I feel about him filing for full custody of his two kids without my consent.. pretty simple actually. He's giving me two choices: I stay with him, his two kids and our daughter even though it's not what I want or I just leave.
I told him that taking care of two more children would be an even harder task for me and he said "So? Thats what I expect from you and that's what SMs are supposed to do."
I don't think I'm being selfish in saying that I can't deal with my child, school, work, house chores AND two more children without going completely crazy. Unfortunately, he didn't really ask me how I felt about the whole situation. I either like it and put up with it or head out the door.
Is it wrong to think that if they 're around things are gonna he 100 times harder?? He expects me to take on so much that I don't think I'm ready for. I don't wanna get married and resent him later. It's unhealthy and both me and my daughter will be unhappy 
This is so hard..
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LEAVE NOW CHICK! he doesn't
LEAVE NOW CHICK! he doesn't care what you think, sounds to me he thinks of you as a maid... get out! It will be hard you wont have them same patients with them like your own kids, and you don't know how they were raised or how he'll expect you to raise them or the difference he'll put between kids! save time go be free find a man without kids! or one who already knows what sort of custody arrangement he'll have so you'll know how he acts as a parent.
hahahaha! he's a douche.
hahahaha! he's a douche. honey, he doesn't want a wife, he wants a slave. be glad you found this out before you married him. tell him to kiss your ass and go file child support. i'd have left the minute I found out he filed without talking it over with me.
Yup, the OP is just
Yup, the OP is just convenient child care!
Why are you even THINKING about marrying a man who would bring two children into the home without so much as ASKING you? My DH wouldn't even spend $500 without speaking with me about it to make sure it's OK.
He doesn't respect you. At all.
Yep yep! Take it from he and
Yep yep! Take it from he and leave that's all I am is the maid and baby setter it is fucking hell! After he got rights to his kid back everything changed and he wouldn't even look toward the new born.
I mean, I understand that the
I mean, I understand that the possibility of them coming to live with us was always there. However, it's not something that should be taken as lightly as he's taking it. He just tells me that it's no big deal and that they're good kids. It doesn't change the fact that I'm 20, expecting my first child, going to school, picking up after his ass, AND working soon. He says I'm ok with just doing the bare minimum!!!
Those kids have their BM. He just tginks they'd be better off with him. Actually, with "us". As one big, happy family. I doubt that's possible. Totally unrealistic of him
and probably unrealistic
and probably unrealistic unless he can throw thousands of $ and prove bm unfit. probably not what you're looking for as you will soon have a baby to provide for.
How does the BM feel about
How does the BM feel about it? Him filing doesn't mean he'll win. Hopefully mom will fight for custody and the court will not uproot kids just because daddy wants to play house and force new wife to be mom. I feel bad for you and the bm here and the kids. Not thinking about you or the kiyou it seems.
Sounds like life is his way or highway. Better to know where you are now than after birth and marriage! He didnt even discuss it with you!! Of course its one of those things where no one can say no to the spouse bringinv their kids to the house but he should have talked to you and heard your concerns and recognized its not your job to raise them.
I would NOT do it. No way.
He's 30 and his kids are 13
He's 30 and his kids are 13 and 8. NOW do you see why I'm so concerned about this? This is sometging that could very well ruin my future. Like I said, I rushed into starting a family with an older man who already had kids but now I'm reluctant to start a marriage and be tied down to someone who doesn't give me my place in the relationship
Oh and BM hasn't heard about
Oh and BM hasn't heard about this. She will not accept it though and she'll fight to keep them with her sad thing is, she's probably only doing it for the benefits. Kids are not being abused or anytging but my SO feels that I would be a hetter mother to them than BM. Only because I'm nicer! I feel like I'm gonna be a live in babysitter
Have you posed to him that
Have you posed to him that you dont have a problem with him getting the kids full time. However, you will not be a live in babysitter since you intend on enjoying your time with your first child. That you would support his decision 100% but under the understanding that hw find childcare for them? Maybe if he understoof this is not about you refusjng his kids but more you feeling you are not fit to replace their mother he would understand.
He didn't agree to that. He
He didn't agree to that. He says that I'm their SM so the responsibility of caring for them falls on me once they move in. They is no compromise or meeting in the middle with him.. that's what's upsetting
Interesting. I wonder
Interesting. I wonder when/who he'll pick to be the 'better mommy' for your daughter. He'll be getting visitation rights to your soon to be born child after you leave and she's born. He'll be paying you and the current BM CS and off running to look for 'better mommy' #3.
And then he'll leave YOUR
And then he'll leave YOUR daughter with wife/gf # 3 and go golfing.
The thought of that makes me
The thought of that makes me cringe...
It would me too. But, maybe
It would me too. But, maybe perfect stepmom that he's found will just love love love his kids. Or at least pretend to for his sake. . . When he's looking.
I feel for you hon.. And he
I feel for you hon.. And he says that BM wasn't a crappy mother until right before they ended their marriage. Just excuses! He is expecting too much from me after I was clear what he should/shouldn't expect from me.
What? Tell me, tell me!! Lol
What? Tell me, tell me!! Lol
He says it's not about the
He says it's not about the CS, it's about their kids having a better life with is. However, he's gonna be working away and won't be home for weeks at a time. So I'm stuck with all the responsibilities 70% of the time! I just don't know if I'm ready for that. He wants me to put up with his children only hecause it's what SMs do. They have their mother!!!!
But it's the very idea that
But it's the very idea that he would make such a huge decision without consulting her. Maybe the courts will save the day, but what else does this guy have in store for her. He expects the traditional step mom role and it's clear she's not that kind.
Well I'm not gonna lie, I
Well I'm not gonna lie, I don't have many girlfriends lol I came on this site to getbsome advice and find people that might he going through the same thing I am. I think we would get along just fine haha We have so much in common already!
While it does sounds unlikely
While it does sounds unlikely a judge would award your fdh custody aqnd therefore this point is likely mooot, you are in for a world of pain if you do not count in this relationship. The way fdh is behaving towards you is disrespectful to say the least and heis demonstrating that you are not in a relationship, he heads as the dictor and you as his minion. You count, your dd counts.
Does he think you will not leave hence his ridiculous ultimatum and blackmail tactics? Either do what I say or leave? The fact he will not consider providing childcare while he is unavailable is disgraceful, you do not tell your partner they are effectively adopting a further 2 children, like it or lump it! Who does he think he is? Let me add, the statistics are high for domestic violence towards pregnant females. They are more vulnerable and easier to bully. Funny that.
Be warned, he will continue to pull these stunts and they may get worse.
That is not the point if it
That is not the point if it finally happens or not.That guy (your husband) is a worry the way he treats you!!!!I would not stay!!
That's what I say.
That's what I say. Apparently the guy did not get the memo on the modern stepmother.
Not only that, but I was very
Not only that, but I was very clear before we started a family together that I was too young to become a FT mommy to his kids because I planned to finish school and work and I told him what he should expect from me as a SM. He was clear on what MY plans were. So I deserved the same from him but he completely ignored mt opinion here and that's the worse part
This guy has no respect for
This guy has no respect for anyone. He just unilaterally decides to take the kids away from their mother because he thinks it would be better for the kids. His ex, his partner and his kids can all go and get stuffed. It's nothing to do with them, it's all about what this selfish prick wants.
How in God's name can taking two kids away from their mother, placing them with a woman who clearly doesn't want them, and has told him so, , a woman who is 20 years old, has no parenting experience whatsoever, and is expecting her first child, and then after disrupting everybody's lives, he's going to piss off for weeks on end leaving these kids with a woman not much older than one of these kids is, how is that in the best interest of anyone, except him. He gets to shove it up the ex.
MJ, you got pregnant way too early in this relationship. Possibly it wasn't planned. But he is going to make the best of it. You've trapped so he's going to use you as the babysitter and to get back at his ex. Nice guy huh.
Go while your pregnant and he's not interested in the baby. He's told you to leave, your staying in,y encourages him to believe you'll mind his kids. If he sees you won't, if you leave, he may just re think his big plans. These kds of his he loves do much, these kids he believes would be better with him. No way in hell will he take them in alone. If your smart, you will pack your stuff and go. If he thinks he has to look after them himself. All of a sudden the ex won't be such a bad mother after all.
OK, this will be tough but
OK, this will be tough but get out. This week. Would they allow a fiancee/girlfriend to be considered in the mix in court as a good home for the kids? I doubt it.
And I would let the BM know what he is planning and what he asked you to do. She deserves to know.
Go home to your family and never ever go near him again.
If you decide not to go now,
If you decide not to go now, or are waffling in your decision (bc this is a very hard decision), then there's no harm in starting an "emergency fund" that your DH knows nothing about. That way, if you decide to stay, but your nightmare becomes reality, you've got the funds to get up and GO.
Have you ever wondered WHY
Have you ever wondered WHY this guy chooses such a young girl for a relationship? He is a control freak and figures the younger women are, the easier they are for him to control.
What modern guy thinks that a woman automatically does all the cleaning, cooking, child raising...oh, AND work to bring money in as well!...!??? Only a clueless or stupid one. Or a misogynist.
"stepmoms are supposed to do"
"stepmoms are supposed to do" WTH??? What about you as a parent, what are you supposed to do? Take them away from their biomom and pawn them off on someone else, just becuase you think that it's better for them. Especially a young woman who is about to have her FIRST child. If the biomom isn't "unfit" in the courts eyes they will not take them away. Can he afford all the court costs this will bring, plus support you and pay his child support?? This guy seems to want his cake and eat it too. Your only responsibility is to you and your child. Please go stay with your parents.
I am so angry for you right
I am so angry for you right now!! That is disgusting and ridiculous!