Step Kids have Control
Been with my wife For 5 years. I have 2 step daughters and 1 son of ours. I cannot do or say anything in my own home. I try to correct them and i get my wife jumping me saying i didnt have to do that or that was uncalled for or i reacted wrong. When I show my son attention I get crap for that too like oh showing your son all the love. I try to do things with the girls but they dont want to unless they are getting something out of it. Also I have another problem. My wifes ex husbands grandfather passed. She told me they are all going to his funeral together like one big happy family. I know its a death and it shouldnt bother me but she got out of his life why not just him and the girls go. Am i wrong? Shes still in his life alot texting and calling just to BS about life. I always get my past thrown in my face and i dont even have any contact with my past. I am drained.
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She pretty much said what I
She pretty much said what I was going to say.
Your wife sounds like she is petty and immature.
Also, as your wife, she has no business going with your ex to the funeral.
Sorry you are going through this.
My SD's are 9 and 11 and my
My SD's are 9 and 11 and my bio son is a year and a half. I feel sometimes like i am just a chump. I pay for everything and I get treated like crap. Her ex pays her child support some times when he has a good month and can afford alittle. I try and talk to her about it and she blows up. She says she has 2 kids with him and i need to get over the fact they are friends. but,we live in a small town and if we run into a ex girlfriend of mine I get hell for a few days questions after questions about my past. When her and i met i was living in my 2br 1 bath house. I have added they rooms on and a extra bath for us. I know its material but i have tried to show them I care. And another thing. I tried to make our bedroom a kids free zone. I believe parents need this. Nope, she blew up and said my kids will go and are free to use our bathroom anytime. I feel i have no say.
#1--There is a difference
#1--There is a difference between being cordial and polite to your ex and being friends. She needs to step back and realize that she is sabotaging your relationship by hanging on to her 1st marriage.
#2-- You are the adult and they are the kids. You have the right as an adult in the home to correct bad behavior. AND for G-DSakes, if you want your bedroom to be kidfree, your wife needs to respect that! We have a kid free bedroom and it was the best joint decision we have ever made.
#3-- Of course you are going to "favor" your son, HE IS YOURS! It's not that you don't adore your steps but there is a bond that cannot compete between you and your bio child.
I agree with the posters above. Your wife is being an asshole here and needs to pull her head out of her butt and be aware of what you are going through. Have you considered counseling for these issues. Sometimes that 3rd party really does help!
She's taking a 9 and 11 year
She's taking a 9 and 11 year old to a funeral? She is nuts.
MikeinSC - I think it's time you and your DW go and get marriage counseling. Clearly she has no boundaries and clearly she has no respect for you. However her expectation is you showed up a virgin with no past and she showed up with past that you should freely accept.
You have been allowing your DW to mistreat you for far too long. If she won't get marriage counseling, then I suggest you go alone and learn to effectively deal with your situation.
Regarding the bedroom, I am the same. No kids in the parents bedroom or bathroom. Because honestly, a lot of us told our husbands "Don't expect me to have sex anywhere that is not private and a child free zone."
She is unresponsive to your needs. I would start making you and your bio-son your priorities. Ignore her comments about spending time with her kids. Get some counseling for yourself and lay down the law to your spouse. Marriage counseling so you can make changes to the household together or you will make changes on your own.
AMEN to that! Our marriage
AMEN to that! Our marriage counselor even stresses how important this is. Kids should never be allowed in your bedroom!
My OSS used to go through all of my drawers when I left the house. It would make me FURIOUS. I could tell he had done it because he would really mess up the drawers and then leave them open. He would also help himself to whatever he wanted. I'm somewhat of a neat freak and I would never leave my draws open or mess up the clothes. I would talk to my DH about it and he always said "what's the big deal? It's not hurting anything." YES IT IS dumbass! It's violating my privacy. His sons (or BM for that matter) have NO BOUNDARIES.
Then one time a few years ago OSS stole $20 and a measuring tape out of my underwear drawer. I could prove it and YSS said he did. I demanded DH have a talk with OSS and punish him as well as give me my money back. Listen to what Mr.BallessWonder said! He said "I can't, I don't want to hurt his feelings". Can you believe it!?? I brought it up to our MC and he told my DH to put a lock on the door and tell the boys they are not allowed in there. Parents bedrooms should be strictly off limits. This is a very big deal!
Your wife sounds like a self-absorbed, immature ingrate and I'm sure her kids are just like her. I would get out ASAP as it only gets worse as the kids get older. Believe me.
I've lived through hell and back and I wish I would have left when they were little. This whole stepparent thing has damaged my heart and soul.
Thanks for all the comments.
Thanks for all the comments. I really believe Im at my end with all of this. Im not happy anymore. I just want to raise my son and get my life back. To many things that are one sided and im made to be the bad guy cause i finally have enough and blow up.
Your wife's contact with her
Your wife's contact with her ex should be limited to information about their daughters. Have you tried counseling? How about disengaging from the skids or conversation about skids? Focus on yourself for awhile and your son. Just a thought :?
They talk and text on a daily
They talk and text on a daily basis. It gets real old. He will call her and whine about life and his problems and she listens. I told her i didnt like it and she said no man will ever get between hers and his friendship so i need to get over it. I told her and i was probably wrong she needs to make a choice between me and him because i not around for left over when i pay for everything and make his life easy cause i take care of his kids. I believe she would walk away
This... When you are married
This... When you are married you are supposed for "forsake all others"-- remember that part of your vows? She really needs to get a grip on life. There is no relationship- not with a parent, friend or even child that should come above that of you and your spouse. The minister that married DH and I said that marriage is the next closest relationship to God. Only He comes before your spouse.
You can say that again!
You can say that again!
{{{{Hugs}}}} Hoping you
{{{{Hugs}}}}
Hoping you decide to put yourself & your sons needs first. Best of Luck.
Time to walk. Unless she is
Time to walk. Unless she is open so counseling, you're going to blow and it won't be pretty. You and son need to kick her and the skids out. Sounds like she got you to take care of everything while still attached to eh.