I'm curious to see how many of you out there have a bio with some of these characteristics...
All of the following is from the book, "Children of the Self Absorbed" by Nina Brown. It's actually a workbook for adults to help them get over being the child of a narcissist. I bought it to see if it could help me figure out what is going on with SD and BM. There are 4 types of Narcissistic Parents .... I'm going to do this in 4 blogs... ! This is the first. It also has what the child's response is to each type of parent. These "classifications" and the child's responses are what really convinced DH and I about BM. This is also the book I read to SD's therapist and she agreed that BM fits 2 of these types.
THE NEEDY PARENT (BM over here fits this one)
"The needy self-absorbed parent can come across to others as very caring and concerned. This parent is usually attentive, tries to anticipate every need, and is very anxious about getting recognition for her efforts. This need for recognition, specifically, is very suggestive of self-absorption. This parent has to receive attention, appreciation, and approval for almost every parental act, both from the child, and from others. The child is not cared for altruistically - the child is expected to "pay" for the care with emotional coin. Any suggestion that the parent's efforts are not wanted or appreciated, such as a toddler's exerting her burgeoning independence, can result in the parent's displeasure or in her taking control and managing the child; for example, by overprotecting. This parent makes sure others know how hard she works, sacrifices and cares, to the extent that no one can ever overlook for forget about it.
Behaviors and attitudes
clingy
overly nurturing
overprotective
makes a bid deal of out of perceived sacrficies
complaining
gets anxious when alone
wants to know your every thought, feeling and so on
feelings are easily hurt
never forgets an offense, such as a slight, or a critical remark
never empathic but can seem very sympathetic
uses soothing behavior to keep you from experiencing your feelings"
- Stick's blog
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Peace - that is part of the
Peace - that is part of the reason why I bought the book as well... SD over here does show some NPD tendencies from time to time and I want to make sure that we can nip that in the bud. It's is somewhat nature, somewhat nurture. So whatever DH and I can do to re-route that learned behavior...we are trying to do - including therapy for SD!!
I wonder if your SD is such a nurturer because BM wasn't a true nurturer...?
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Hi Peace... this all came
Hi Peace... this all came about because we have had SD in counseling for the past year +.
When you ask SD why she has such issues with her mom, she will tell you that "it's not one thing... it's a combination of a lot of little things."
DH and I wish we had gotten SD sooner.... gotten her into therapy sooner. Personally, I do feel that I see a change in SD. But it definitely has been work. I'll let you know how it goes.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
That would be our BM in a
That would be our BM in a nutcase...I mean, nutshell.
I'll have to get that book and show this to DH....he'll laugh. BM is so self-absorbed. She plays the role of caring, suzy homemaker mommy if anyone is around, but when no one is looking she's a screaming demonic lazy mess. Her relationship with GG is super unhealthy, overprotective and overly nurturing, and the skids are used to get herself attention. In fact, I was just telling DH that I would not be surprised in the slightest if we found out one day she had Munchausen Syndrome.
She has to shove it in everyone's faces what a great parent she is, yada yada. Sacrifices her whole life for her kids (but sits on her ass on the computer all day and collects welfare). Always has to put her family down and say she's better and has done something with her life (Umm..you're on welfare and refuse to work. That's just like everyone in your family, sweetheart.). If someone is sick, she is right there with her "I'll do anything to help you" but when it comes down to needing her help, it's a complain fest on her part....but then uses it to "prove" to anyone who will listen what an upstanding human she is because she sacrificed her time to help someone in need. She also has a super attitude problem and behaves like a nutcase (when no one important is watching). She has her current BF snowed into thinking she's the bestest person ever, but yet talks really bad about him and his children when he's not around and I've even heard her swearing at them. I hope someday he realizes what she is. Not that he's a winner either, but his kids do not deserve that treatment.
Totally her. Every single thing. No one seems to see it either, but I did notice that she only chooses friends that she feels better than and that she can push around and manipulate. Kind of sad, really.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
I read this book too and
I read this book too and UberSkank qualifies under all four catagories!!!
IMHO - UberSkank is a sociopath. And our counselor has already told us that step-demon has a very unnatural attachment to her mother. Go figure!
Excellent book. And when I paired it with Emotional Blackmail it really brings a new understanding to our particlar situation.
Though DH just simplifies it by saying UberSkank is Bat S**t Crazy.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine