So Frustrated - Just a venting I guess
After last night, I shared all this information that I received on here and some other research that your information lead me to. During the day I asked if he had been able to c
contact his dd's (because you know they are giving him the silent treatment) and he said he was going to try after work (he travels weekly) and then after that, would cut off the college money and the phone if they didn't reply.
Well he talked with his bff (who doesn't have children, never went through a divorce, and has never been married) and she said that they would come around when they are older. So now he is just saying it is all so confusing and he thinks maybe he should just keep reaching out to them and hope for the best.
This totally means he is going to just sit back and do nothing and our money is once again going to just keep going to this girls that are so rude and awful. I said that he needed to remember that his decisions can't impact our relationship (thinking that he would get the fact that it is a huge issue for me and he would need to address it.) All I got from him is "I'm trying not to let it effect our relationship"....
I am sooooo frustrated. I don't know what to do with this man because he almost gets there, and then he just talks himself out of it and I am expected to just sit quietly.
I just don't know what to do or what to say. where are the boundaries in this? How can I say to him that since this event the money issue is even a bigger issue?
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Comments
You need to remember that the
You need to remember that the situation didn't come about overnight, and nothing will magically get better overnight. But you should tell him you need to see some real benchmark progress, set some kind of goal together-- not a huge "this will fix everything" goal, but something that will make you feel better and that will be a step in the right direction. Keep talking to your counsellor, too.
Finances are a huge problem in almost everyone's relationship.... With Skids and CS and just everyday bills, no matter how well off anyone is money leads to stress. It might be best if you decide on some kind of financial changes, like, have a separate checking account for Skid emergency, and do not go over that allowance, or something. I hope it works out for you! Hugs!
Thanks! You are right, it
Thanks! You are right, it isn't going to magically change over night. I wish I had your propensity for calm and rational thought.
Haha, i wish I could always
Haha, i wish I could always be calm, i just truly want to help folks when I can, and I know that getting super upset and frustrated just brings everything to such a screeching halt. I get plenty upset. In the heat of the moment I will get into fights with my DH's Ex (or I did, now I refuse to speak to her under any circumstances). Trying to step back is the only thing you can do sometimes. I have to say "let go, let go, let go" as my mantra, as my reminder to let go of the shit I just can't control. Listen to some music, watch your favorite show, read a book. Let go and step back. It's not easy by any means!
I am so not that calm and
I am so not that calm and rational person in this situation. I can't see the forest for the tree right now ... so to speak...lol
We can never see the calm
We can never see the calm rational side in our own stuff (well rarely)
Because we are emotionally invesed.
Try and think though - no matter what they will always be his babies, and what he was talking about doing is huge. That must be really difficult for him to even contemplate. So i would take a gently approach and acknowledge his feelings first up. Let him know that you understand how hard it is for him to be in this position, and again work on baby steps approach in what you both need.
I get you on the wavering thing though, so frustrating and hurtful.