I desperately need some advice from other step moms that are out there. Because I don't know what to do or turn too. Please help me and give me some advice on what to do with this situation.
I will give you a little history before I get to the issue. My husband and I have been married for five years and every year we get family pictures done. Well every year my step daughter who is now 16 years old has some kind of fit about it and doesn't want to corporate nor wants to be in the pictures. This time around was no different, I told all of the kids two months ago that we are getting pictures done again and that I want everyone to wear white blouse and jeans for it. At the time she seemed to be okay with it all. I even mentioned to her which shirt I think would be best that she already has and she was ok with it. The weekend of pictures came and we reminded her to bring that shirt with her. Well she gets here and says there is a stain on it and now needs a new shirt. Well my husband took her out that Friday night to get her a shirt but they couldn't find anything. So then on Saturday, I told her that we would go out again to the mall to see if we can find a shirt and she said we already looked and there isn't anything, so I mentioned well I did not go with you, but this time I will be there I am sure we can find something. Before we even left the house I can tell she had this attitude going on. Then we get to the mall and she is walking behind all of us texting. We go into the store and she is not even around me, so I pick out a few shirts and give them to my husband to show her and of course she says no and has this attitude with him and I saw it from the distance and started getting angry. I pull him off to the side away from her and remind him that he needs to tell her it's just for a picture and if she doesn't like the shirt she doesn't ever have to wear it again. So then we go to the next store, she almost wouldn't even go into the store, she hung around the front of it. I was looking at stuff and showing it to my husband to show to her and she kept saying no and then finally she tells my husband that she doesn't want to shop with us anymore and that she wants her mom to take her shopping for the blouse. He tells me this and I just about loose I in the store and storm out and then on the way home she calls her mom asking her to take her and thank god her mom says no, rightfully so why would she want to go shopping for a white blouse for our family pictures. So then we get home and I go into the bedroom all mad and I tell my husband if she doesn't wear a white blouse she isn't going to be in the pictures you should just take her home. He does take her home and drops her off and before he even gets home she calls him to have him turn around and come back to talk to her. He goes over there and talks and then she finally agrees to corporate and go get something but by then the stores are closed. So then they go out the very next morning (the day of pictures) and find a blouse. They get home two hours before pictures and she spends that whole time in the room avoiding me. Then when I say we leave in ten minutes to everyone in the house. She starts her crap all over again this time saying she doesn't like the way her hair looks and that she has to wash it and my husband is arguing with her telling her she should have been getting ready awhile ago and then she yells out saying "I don't even want to do these dumb pictures anyways" and "this is the last family picture I will take". I heard it and then I was angry all over again and told my husband to take her home and that I don't want her in the pictures if she doesn't want to be. He tells me to go ahead and that he will meet me at the place separately. When he gets there I was secretly hoping she wouldn't be in the truck, but she was. She immediately has this bad attitude right when he gets there. She does eventually corporates and has the family pictures taken anyways. Later on after she gets dropped off back at her mom's house and I have a talk with my husband saying she needs to disciplined for her behavior and that we need to have a talk with her. I share my feelings about how hurt I felt saying that it feels like when she rejected being in the family picture, it felt like she doesn't want to be in the family. Meaning she hates me and my kids and what a family picture means over all. I put this all together because of the past times we have done this and how difficult she is every year about it. I told him we need to get down to the bottom of this and find out what is really going on and why she doesn't want to take them.
So then the next weekend comes and we have a talk with her and it goes bad, very bad. She starts to get mad saying why are we bringing this up again I thought everything was ok and that we were good with things. Now you’re saying you’re not, you lied to me then on Saturday night, you should have told the truth if you were still upset and hurt. My husband then says if I did you wouldn't have come to take the picture. Then she says, you didn't even go and buy me something after you promised if I took the picture you would go buy me something. Turns out my husband bribed her to come back on Saturday by saying if she would agree to take the pictures he would buy her something. He never told me that, so I got very angry and said "oh really you did that after her behavior and wow great parenting skills there" I know I shouldn't have said that right in front of her but I did because I was so angry. So then I get angry and then she starts texting her mom right in the middle of our discussion because as usual she has to get her mom involved in any of our arguments which makes me very angry. He tries to get her to stop texting her and she just has this smirk on her face saying no wait until I am done telling her what's going on. Then she says she is done with this conversation and doesn't understand why we are bringing all of this up again. Then she goes to say and you lied to me, it's not good to lie to your daughter, didn't Grandma raise you up right. I am sitting here listening to her being disrespectful and not saying anything but at the same time want to say something to her since she is schooling him on lying. Then she storms out of our room. Then he and I start arguing because of him bribing her. Then he goes to get her so we can try to come to some kind of resolution. I explain to her how hurt it made me feel that for one you didn't want to shop with us anymore and that you wanted your mom to help you and asked her why she didn't want to be in the pictures and how come you have a hard time every year with this. All she said is that she doesn't like pictures and getting her picture taken. Then I ask her do you have an issue with me, if so tell me now so we can work on it. She just has this smirk on her face and says no even though I felt like it was a yes. Then her Dad tries to explain to her that she hurt my feelings and she says I don't understand why we are talking about all of this all over again I thought everything was ok. He tries to explain again to her hoping she would understand and tell us more but she then says "I hate coming here because this is what happens every time I come here" I correct her and said no it doesn't. Tell me when was the last time we go into an argument, and she didn't say anything only because we haven't gotten into anything in 8 months or longer. So she proceeds to say she is done talking and that she doesn't care about the stupid picture and that she took the pictures and doesn't see why we have to talk about all of this again. So she leaves the room again and this time he says he has to leave and storms out and goes for a walk. Then he comes back and goes to the family room all night and watches TV while she is on the phone with her mom telling her everything that went on in her own version. I try not to listen because it will only get me angrier. So I go into my room. I try to text my husband to get him to come talk to me, finally he does and I tell him I am so hurt and angry that he didn't handle things well and that he wasn't honest with me. Then he says he and his kids are leaving and I start crying asking him lets work on this and he says it's his entire fault that he isn't a good father and husband. He leaves with his kids and spends the night at his moms. This has never happened before, meaning him leaving for the night. I am so torn up I don't know what to do and now it's the second night and it looks like he is staying another night there too. I feel like she won and is all happy that we are apart. But at the same time I don't want to see her because I am so angry at her now for what she caused. I miss my husband terribly and I want him back where he belongs but I don't know how we can deal with my step daughter and how we can get her mom from interfering in our family issues.
Please any advice... I would really appreciate it. I have been crying and praying on and off all day today. I hate this and what's going on but I don't know how to fix it.