Dh puts his foot down with bm and suddenly it's my fault???
So today Dh sees he has 2 missed calls from Bm about 5 minutes after she calls. Dh texts her and asks her what she wanted. Bm texts him back and says she was calling because she was going to pick up Ss from our house. This was around 1pm. On Friday Bm told Dh she needed to meet Dh early at 3 to do the exchange because she had plans. Anyway, Bm then tells Dh that because he didn't answer that he has to take Ss back to her house in another city which is like 45 minutes away. Dh tells her no, that he will meet her half way because we have plans and that in the future she needs to let him know earlier if she wants to get Ss because she cannot expect him to drop everything he's doing because she calls 5 minutes before asking to pick up Ss. This then turns into her telling Dh that he BETTER take Ss to her house and tells him that it's his fault because his wife, Me, doesn't let him answer the phone. LOL. Wtf do I even have to do with this?? Dh doesn't answer her calls and only responds to text because HE doesn't want to deal with her on the phone because she loves to threaten everything under the sun when he doesn't do what she wants. Then she tells him that HE better start texting her, not his wife. Again, wtf? I wasn't involved in this at all. Dh occasionally asked me what he should say but I kept telling him that I didn't want to be involved. It's funny that now that he is putting his foot down it's all my fault. Bm then started saying she was going to call the cops if Dh didn't take him to her house. Dh went ahead and called the cops and explained to them what was going on and they basically said what he was doing was right by offering to meet her and didn't need to take him home. So Dh text her and told her that he'd meet her again at the half way point and that he took the liberty of calling the cops for her, and they told him he didn't need to give drive Ss all the way to her house but that they'd gladly go over to the exchange and talk with her if she liked. Bm then text that she'd meet him there. lol. It was Dh's very first victory in dealing with her controlling ass. And of course Bm told Dh at exchange that he couldn't have SS next weekend. Oh boo hoo, so we get a free weekend because God knows that she won't withhold 2 weekends in a row because then she doesn't get her party time.
Anyway, is this common, I mean as far as Bm's blaming you, the Sm, because your Dh's start to enforce boundaries??? I'm so proud of Dh and how he handled things but I am slightly bothered by her throwing my name in there and saying it's me text and me not "letting" my Dh answer his phone... I know I shouldn't care but c'mon.
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Oh yeah we're def saving all
Oh yeah we're def saving all the texts. I think when dh text her that he called the cops for her she realized how stupid she sounded. It was pretty funny. It's irritating though because she started texting him stuff like "bring him to my house now, end of discussion" like she's his mother or something. She really has some nerve. It's insane.
I know, I was so happy he did
I know, I was so happy he did that!
needless to say she was pretty upset. He doesn't yet hav a structured order, just child support established but no parenting plan. Pisses me off but hey I can't force him to do anything. I've just gotten to the point where I'm like "that's all you, I'll support you but I'm not stressing over this anymore."
I just think its so stupid that she thinks its my fault.
That makes sense of her
That makes sense of her trying to push it onto me instead of acting like an adult and conducting herself like one. I wish she were rational but most of the BMs we deal with here are not. It's ridiculous.
BM here did the same when DH
BM here did the same when DH started enforcing boundaries. She was a pain in the a$$ for a while. After she realized she wasn't getting anywhere, she laid off. Good luck! Definitely have DH save the texts, though, just in case.
I'm sure she will be an
I'm sure she will be an asshat for a while so that bothers me some. Hopefully she'll finally get it though. I hate the fact that she thinks my husband is to cater to her.
Oh this is definately Bm, she
Oh this is definately Bm, she loves to talk to Dh like he's her servant or something. The things she will text him when he's doesn't give into her are ridiculous. Stuff like, "you BETTER do xyz NOW!!!" lol. it's almost like a child throwing a fit.
Bm also tries to call Dh from different numbers to try to get him to answer and maybe that's why she's trying to throw out the whole "it's her fault" card.
I am trying so hard not to let it bother me and it's tough. I feel like how dare she even think I would WANT to text her for my Dh. I don't like being involved, esp now that I'm pregnant. It all stresses me out.
yeah, it's very common. and
yeah, it's very common. and it's true. they would never have stood up to bm if it weren't for us, they would still be dancing to her tune. but, this is what happens when a divorced man begins a new relationship/marriage. it's normal and bms SHOULD have expected when she divorced the man. of course, they believe they will always have control of these men because they are the "mother of his children". they believe this allows them to be boundary free where our dh's are concerned. yeah, right. and, in actuality, these men should have ALREADY had these boundaries in place BEFORE they began dating...so it's our dh's fault.
Oooooh yeah, this is
Oooooh yeah, this is definately Dh's fault and I remind him of it every.single.time he has issues with her. He's the one eforcing boundaries though, however not because I'm "making" him per say, but because when things started getting out of hand I simply let him know he could either enforce boundaries or I was walking because I wasn't going to play second fiddle to another woman.
I just don't see how she could even think that he would cater to her and not his wife. lol.
well, I didn't really mean
well, I didn't really mean you're FORCING him to instill boundaries, but that we have had to force our dh's to choose...a relationship with us or to continue being bm's puppet/support network. so, we ARE the reason they are doing it. and i'm pretty proud of that. my dh is a MUCH better husband to me than he ever was to her.
no no I knew what you meant
no no I knew what you meant
I need to not let it bother me so much. I feel like I've had anxiety all day over this crap and it's killing me. I guess I am afraid of my Dh maybe getting resentment toward me because she's blaming me... I dont know if that makes sense but yeah... Also I'm worried about her starting a PAS'ing campaign against me with Ss and I'd hate that because I have a great relationship with my ss. I'm so proud that he stood his ground with her but at the same I know she is an evil vengeful person and who knows what she'll do. I just want him to get his damn CO in order so he has that to rely on and not just the fact that based on history that she's never really withheld visitation because she likes her free weekends. I hate my Dh has been too lazy to establish everything so that he can shove it in her face when she tries throwing out baseless threats.
oh hells yes Tog. That's what
oh hells yes Tog. That's what I'm saying. Dh asked me last night, "do you really think she's going to keep ss from me for more than a week?" and I told him that if she does he needs to get his CO in order, and most importantly establish a meeting place to do the exchange. She actually text him last night that it wasn't her responsibility to get Ss from him, that HE wants to see Ss so it's his resonsibility to pick him up and drop him off wherever she was. Her rationality it cracked.
Sounds like we have the same
Sounds like we have the same DSO and BM.
BM used to really upset DSO by throwing out the cops thing. I'm not incredibly dumb, so I started explaining to DSO that she is just scaring you into doing what she wants and that you are not doing anything illegal (thanks to steptalk and another step board).
BM did try this last month. BM claimed SD on her welfare this summer when SD was living with her including Medicaid. When SD came back to start 7th grade, DSO filed the papers to put him back on Medicaid thru him. BM had also put SD as living with her when she did her welfare review. BM told DSO he was committing fraud even though he has 100% custody. Didn't scare him off though and she had to remove SD from her welfare claim.
We may have the same pyscho!!
We may have the same pyscho!! haha.
Same here with the cop thing. I do admit when she started going off about the cops I asked Dh, "what is she going to do? call the cops to tell them she is refusing to pick up her own child? what is illegal about that?" and he was like "well, I don't have my CO" and I told him "you have multiple text messages telling her that you will meet her somehwere, there is nothing saying you're withholding him, and she's refusing, the cops are going to think she's foolish if she calls them and tries to cry kidnapping. All that will happen is she will direct them to the spot you said you'd meet her at what time you said you'd meet them, she'll still have to be there to talk to cops, they'll tell her it's a domestic issue and to talk to famiily court, either way, she'll be at the meeting spot at the time you said... call the cops and ask them" so he called the cops and that's pretty much what they said. I love Steptalk because without this site I probaby would have been nervous about it too.
Any knowledge that you give
Any knowledge that you give to your DH (about father's rights, etc.) and any backbone you encourage him to grow is ALL YOUR FAULT. Just wait until she pulls out that great old chestnut, "Since you met SM, I don't even KNOW you anymore!"
BM still thinks of me as Satan's daughter even though she's never technically met me and I get along with a LOT more people than I DON'T.
yesss.... I LOVE it when bm
yesss.... I LOVE it when bm tells him how different he is now. that would be due to me, too! I've done nothing but make him a much better man and husband.
omg I could totally see Bm
omg I could totally see Bm doing this. lol. I'm hoping that she doesn't though because I've known Dh since i was about 14/15, which is way before they met and she knows this. I know she's tried talking crap to him about how he's changed so much now that were together and tries to compare their relationship to ours and how he treats me better than he did her, which he admits to doing. He said that after being with her for a few months he knew he didn't want to be with her but didn't want to be alone so he just stuck around and then she accidently got pregnant.
"BM still thinks of me as Satan's daughter even though she's never technically met me and I get along with a LOT more people than I DON'T."
I'm pretty sure Bm thinks this ^^^ of me too.