HELP! How do I deal with narcissistic SS and DH who sees nothing he and his other kids do wrong?
My SS moved in with us with no notice, things I dislike the most, he is loud, he sucks up to my bio-kids and anyone else he can to get what he wants, he is messy, he lies, he losses his things and then just takes my bio-kids stuff and these are just some. I in turn am resentful that he is living with us because when I married his father the bio-mother would not even allow for them to sleep over because she was mad her ex moved on so I thought I was home free with the skids not having to spend too much time with us. Turns out in the last several years we have gone through a court battle for one of the SD which after a year of court and drama the SD decided after the court awarded her dad to just move back with bio-mom. Now the SS moved in with no notice. This kid does nothing constant, in the 7 years I have been with his dad he has switched to 4 schools, never sticks with any one activity and always finds an excuse for everything he is involved in and ends up switching. He leaves in 5 days to university across the country with a completely different climate and I am already in fear that he will not make it and come back.
I know I treat him bad because I am resentful, everything he does bothers me especially when I see how he gets away with manipulating his father. So I am rude by not addressing him unless his dad is present and I know my body language gives out the message that I don't like him at our home.
I love his father and want out marriage to work. DH does not see any of SS behavior and when I point it out he says I need to let off and be nice that those are his kids and not to mess with them. I know I can be a b**** and I want to be the better person and let the SS hang himself with his in ability to live a productive life.
How can I change my behavior in order to cope?
- Dublin472's blog
- Log in to post comments
Comments
I just cannot stand my ssons
I just cannot stand my ssons either, though it's getting better with ss19 out finally after moving back in again twice, and ss16 is back in school after a very long summer of being bored at home. I cannot bring myself to like ss16, and he is not all that bad for a kid compared to some stories on here but I still cannot like him. When he walks into the room my anxiety levels rise, like I will actually break out into a sweat or get shaky when he walks into the kitchen if I am cooking. We have had him for 4.5 years so I should be used to him but I am not. DH always says to "just be nice" and so since I cannot be nice I totally and completely ignore him as though he does not exist. Unfortunately he senses this (of course, who wouldn't) and avoids me and now his avoidance bothers me and makes me feel guilty. I am able to hold myself together for most of the time except when I am having PMS, then at times all hell breaks lose, then I find something that I absolutely cannot keep my mouth shut over. Like yesterday DH was gone but asked ss16 to mow when he got home from school. I had specifically told DH that all the fallen fruit had to get picked up first so it would get chopped and sent all over the yard. DH asked me if bs15 could pick the fruit up. I called bs15 about 15 minutes after he got home from school (I was at work of course) and he said the lawn was mowed already. So I called DH and he said he asked ss16 to mow as soon as he got home. It was miscommunication on dh and my part but still could ss16 not see that mowing fruit was going to attract bees and other insects and also gum up the mower? Anyhow I over reacted and yelled when I got home and DH had ss16 spray the mower. DH blamed bs15 for not doing his chore and I blamed ss16 for being a lame brain. UHG. I hate days like that but it makes me not like ss b/c he's a kid I never wanted to raise.