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Rant- My evening with FDH ruined

Anne Boleyn's picture

First, I have to say that FDH has been wonderful and so supportive since I've been home from rehab. He's even attended two AA meetings with me. Tonight he even asked me if he could go. He's thrilled to have "his old Anne back" and has been really great about dealing with his kids and ex better and including me in decisions. So, great!

This is the first weekend in memory that haven't had a drink. On Saturday nights, FDH and I would sit out on the porch or by the outside fire pit and drink and he's smoke a cigar, I'd smoke some cigs (normally chew nicotine gum), and listen the music. It was always our peaceful time together. Tonight after the AA meeting, we decided to do the same thing without the booze. We were sitting on the porch having a great time, talking about how we felt about missing the drinks, but how good it feels to get up in the morning now, etc... GREAT NIGHT. Special night. We are trying to learn to keep what's good (enjoying evening outdoors) while excluding the bad. And we really just needed some solid uninterrupted time together as we are rebuilding this relationship-- both fixing our wrongs.

Then SD15 calls. She was babysitting for a semi-friend of ours who lives about 15-20 minutes from here. (SD lives 45 minutes from here). The mother of the kids was supposed to be home super late so SD15 was supposed to spend the night there and the mom would take her home tomorrow. Well, the mom got home at 11, the kids were in bed and SD15 wanted to go home. And guess who is sitting alone at home on StepTalk right now? It's definitely not BM, whose weekend this is. I am just so disappointed that instead of telling his daughter we need to go with the pre-determined plan or telling her that BM needed to get her, it was our night that was ruined. He will be gone for at least another hour. Happy Sober Saturday Night to Me!

Comments

Justme54's picture

That sucks. Like it would kill her to stay the night. If she was sick and wanted to go home...that would be different. My MIL is like that...wants us to jump at her every...I want. Makes me want to throw UP.

Starla's picture

You are doing awesome with being sober and coming here when your feeling upset instead of grabbing a drink. Smile I'm sorry though that DH didn't stick to his plan. I do understand your frustration and finding tools to overcome one urge at a time will be of great help for you. Steptalk is one of my greatest tools or turning on some good music often helps.

Hanny's picture

Anne, your doing great! Yea, he should have told SD that she needed to call BM for a ride or spend the night, that he was busy and couldn't get her...or don't answer the phone and let her leave a message, then text back and tell her he wasn't available. Agree with poster above, that this would have been the perfect opportunity to show you that he is trying to make changes.

Keep up the good work Anne.

Anne Boleyn's picture

I decided not to make a big deal out of it. Now, had I had some wine in me, the shit would've hit the fan. Smile

When he got home I simply said "Next time this friend asks for SD to babysit, tell her she's not available if it isn't our weekend". He totally agreed. Yes, he should have handled it better but this solves this issue once and for all. And we were able to resume our weekend without a lot of stress.