ss does not beleive in step parents or respect
just arrrrghhhhhhhhh, having been a part of this boys life for over 12 years now, he has started being very disrespectful to me and my own 2 boys,he moved in with us when he was 16 (not his choice)and we, yes we being me and his father,have pushed him into education and work which even the ss says he is grateful for,i have never pushed the mum thing always just been there and for a long time we were close,but then he turned 16 and it disappeared vitually overnight, I didn't like this cos I do love him to bits but accepted it was an age thing and left him to it,my problem behind this rant is that just after mothers day (for which there was no recognition at all) he declares that he does not agree with the principle of step parents,he has only one mum only one dad and that in his eyes I have not played a mothers role at all,,,it broke my heart and made me mad all in one go,having made his declaration his disrespect is building with his age,combine this with a lazy attitude,the inability to do any job right and the fact he does not seem to care about any of us in the house and also the fact that he is glued to his phone,sulks in his room,makes sarcastic and often rude comments he is driving me mad and I am starting to resent him big time,which in turn makes me feel bad cos I am supposed to be the grown up here,,but he is 19 and should know better by now surely????? I cant moan openly at home cos it makes his dad feel stuck in the middle and that's not fair cos he is being annoyed by all the same things and will tell his son off regular but noting ever changes..i want to kick him out but don't want to see him go back to wasting his life but nor d I want him influencing my 2 boys any more.help!
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making reference to his
making reference to his comments, I asked the ss if he was emptying the dishwasher for me (he was supposed to say yes and I would have said thankyou) instead I got back that yes he was emptying it but he didn't know who for.. not quite sure how to take that,and he has a knack of making comments that can be taken more than one way.
Maybe one response could be
Maybe one response could be just a standard response like ... for the benefit of mankind/ because your father expects it of you.
Who pays for his phone? Who holds the contract? And how long is the manchild going to be living with you?
He isn't your son and for that be grateful. He occupies space in your home and your DH should be encouraging him to gain the skills to make a life on his own. This is what your role is. Your job is to be a good wife. And when your s/son says he can't see the point in step parents just tell him it is only label and you can't see the point either. Your job is to be his father's wife and not his son's mother. He already has a mother. And if she is AWOL or off radar this will give him something to think about.
19 yr old boys think they have all the answers but they don't. They are full of big opinions based on their insulated view of the world.
I have never tried to be his
I have never tried to be his mother but I have always cooked cleaned etc for him as part of the family can any one define the difference between a mother and a person who just does the manual chores oh and buys them birthday gifts ect
You are supposed to be the
You are supposed to be the adult? Guess what the 19 year old is also an adult. It's time he steps up to adulthood.
I'd tell him that I'm don't believe in stepmom's for adult skids and that he was just some stranger to me. So get the hell out of my house and life.
I actually stopped his dad
I actually stopped his dad from kicking him out a few months ago,purely because that would give ss the perfect excuse to undo all his and our hard work getting him to go to college and to hold down a job, and I will not have risked my marriage and my sanity for him to end up god knows where, as for him being an adult well he may be physically 19 now but I would bet on his mental age being a lot less just wish I could say the same for his attitude
I wish I could disengage from
I wish I could disengage from him I am trying to, trouble is I care too much which is why I find this all so dam hard, I only want thebest for him and I know he a good kid deep down and he still seems to need help with every thing as he is own worst enemy when it comes to decisions forms etc the trouble is that he is just permantly annoying and its wearing me and his dad out and we have had many arguments and disscusions about it and with the ss to sort ir out but we always seem to end up where we started
You aren't "loving him" by
You aren't "loving him" by letting him talk to superiors this way and get away with it. This testing of attitude is about more than just you... he's posturing how he can behave in the adult world right now.
Call him on the attitude... don't want to help around the house? Then get out, because in a family everyone contributes something. Don't want rules? Then get out and on your own. Wanna talk back? Then find your own space. DO something half ass? Do it again 4 more times until it's done to perfection.
THAT would be loving him. Give him some accountability, some self respect, and some discipline. Not warm fuzzies.
I agree-you and your dh are
I agree-you and your dh are both harming by allowing him to be a disrespectful shit.
He doesn't see you as any type of mother figure? Well, fine-he can start by doing his own damn laundry, cooking his meals, etc. Stop babying him. He's a grown man. You are doing no favors by coddling him.
Why is it so hard for some parents-and evidently stepparents to give these kids (or adults) any accountability? And why do people not realize how badly it effs these kids up?
Trust me he is not molly
Trust me he is not molly coddled he has his set jobs he pays rent and has a curfew and gets plenty of telling offs and I would make him do his own cooking and laundry if I thought it would be less hassle for me but he would just make more work or be in my way , its his general air and attitude, he will do what hhe is told most of the time but when he is not busy he is justmoping about .we pull him on his attitude things get better for a little while then it starts again.if we kick him out he will stop his studies and go back to his home town and start drinking and smoking and being a waster which would make the last 2/3 years a waste of time and energy. My problem is that he has annoyed and upset me with I dont beleive in step mums thing so much I cant get over it and now everything he says and does I take the worst way and not every thing he says is meant that way, I am not one to stamp amd shout and am a big believer in being the bigger person but ss makes me want to behave like a toddler and shout and lash out and I dont like this feeling he is well aware he hs peed me off I just dont think he gives a dam