SC are never happy!!
Please help!!! 21 Year old sc calls because he wants to know why we aren't interested for helping BM pay for apartment for him regarding college. We did last year. We helped pay apartment and utilities for 12 months. He was basically there for six months and went home to his bm's house every weekend out of the 6 months. BM lives 30 minutes away from college. BF and SM live 5 minutes away from college. We offered him a room here, he isnt interested. HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A PART TIME JOB. Basically SC wants what he wants. BF pays child support to live at home and shares college tuition and many extras. Now SC wants him to share expenses with BM because she wants him to live out!! He is angry and treated BF and SM soooo disrespectfully because we aren't willing to pay for his apartment. WE dont feel it is a neccessity and his behavior is horendous.
Please any advise will be greatly appreciated!!!
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Let him be angry. It won't be
Let him be angry. It won't be the first time a kid is mad at a parent.
Thanks....I always want to
Thanks....I always want to validate im being fair....
Are you kidding me? No I
Are you kidding me? No I would not shell out $$ for an apartment when you guys are 5 minutes away.
^^ exactly. I'd tell him
I'd tell him until he can prove himself mature enough to be practical--which is that he realizes that it's best for everyone if he lives at the place closest to college, your side will not shell out anything.
This is what's wrong with entitled kids these days. They're given things without learning how to be responsible for them.
Until you guys know he has a good head on his shoulders (which is proven by how he thinks--and evidently he does not yet have said good head on shoulders), you will give diddly squat.
Thanks so much
Thanks so much not2sureimsanea!! I always feel bad for bf kids. BF left mom due to drinking and extra curricular activities. BM has made it a goal to have SC think their BF is an awful person and love equates money. The more BM gets BF to shell out means he cares for the kids. BM constantly blames anything that goes wrong with SC on the BF leaving. She's extremely manipulative and has trained the SC in the same fashion. The SC always have a problem with any money being spent on my BC. I think its a never ending battle. BF has to stop enabling SC with their continued selfish and entitled behavior or the problems will just escalate!! Thanks for you support!!!
I was not given anything
I was not given anything until I could prove I knew what the responsibilities were. Part of getting gifts and things included that they knew I would do what was best with it--especially money.
Some parents are so backwards these days, they think if they give their kids something, they will LEARN to be responsible with it. No, you learn to be responsible first before you get something.
Obviously for new things, it has to be based on something old. I would not give money for an apartment unless when I asked my child if they would like one, they chose a better route (no mom, it's okay, we live so close and it's more practical for me just to commute--maybe I coukd move into the basement apartment or something instead so I get more privacy?) It shows they have a great head on their shoulders and can be trusted. To not take everything that's offered.
In that case I'd be throwing an apartment at them because I know I raised an awesome child.
I totally agree...your
I totally agree...your philosophy is right on!!! I will in turn use this for my BC as well!!! Thanks again :
BSS lives with his BM. With
BSS lives with his BM. With his behavior being disrespectful...SS son told me last night "he doesn't respect me" I really don't want him here. He wants to always be home with his mom. Not sure why he feels he needs an apartment. He is never there!! He should have a part time job anyway....BF pays support to mom. She pays for his car gas insurance etc..... SS is very entitled!!
I totally agree....our offer
I totally agree....our offer to allow him to stay with us if he so desired is OFF the table...because of his disrespectful behavior. I appreciate your thoughts and comments, they are making a very uncomfortable situation easier to handle!!!
Can you change CS so that it
Can you change CS so that it is paid to him directly? Many states allow that after 18.
It would not cost you anymore but would piss of BM. And you could rebuff any more demands from him with the 'You get xxxxx per month."
That would be awesome!!!
That would be awesome!!! I'll check that out!!! Thanks