overworkedmom's picture

Can't think of a good title

So, after everything that happened when DH called me at work and said he wanted to stay together and work it out I posted and EVERYONE told me he was full of it and I still need to leave. I really took all of your advice to heart and was thinking how strong I need to be when I got home last night.

That was until I walked in to a spotless house. I had not done a single thing to clean or dishes or anything in 5 days. I was refusing. After we had talked he left work and went home and cleaned the house from top to bottom for me AND did all the laundry. This is a man who has not done a dish or load of laundry in over 2 years. He wont even clear is own plate after dinner. Then he took SS to football instead of putting it off on me like he always does. After HE put SS in bed (once again I was off the hook) he invited me to sit out on the porch to talk. It was really nice. Then this morning SS was giving me a hard time getting out of bed and I had to go. DH got up and said that he would take him to camp. He has not done a daycare run since we moved in together.

I don't know if it will last but this is honestly the first time he has ever gone out of his way to make me happy since we have lived together. Part of me is really hoping that this was his wake up call- that I am a good woman and he would be hard pressed to ever find someone else to deal with his shit.

I am not a total idiot, my deposit is still sitting with the apartment complex and I figure it can just stay there for a while. I guess I am just hoping beyond hope that this is going to work.

luckymomme's picture

I know exactly how you feel.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm sure some will say you are wrong to believe him. Personally if I didn't at least "see" if he is willing to make those major changes I'd always wonder. I think you are super smart to keep your deposit on the apartment. I'd let him know that too! I had packed boxes ready to move with my last husband and it worried him to no end, in the long run though it wasn't enough for him to make changes(he was truly a Sociopath though). I've read plenty of stories on here about people "getting wake up calls" and actually doing better. Some people are just the type to take advantage of you until you stop letting them.

Only time will tell how he will be in the long run. If these changes are real or just to rope you back in. Heck, I'm sure at this point, even if he slacked of some from this, it would feel much better than where you were before. It can never be just one person compromising. That was how I felt and I got pretty resentful.....

Unfreakingreal's picture

Listen, maybe this was the

Listen, maybe this was the shake up he needed to see that you were going to walk out and never look back. I believe in trying hard to make things work. If you feel, in your heart, that this man loves you and who love him and that he is willing to at least help you carry the load, then by all means, stay with your partner.
If it turns out that it was just a sham in order to get you to stay, then, the next time, you leave with no warning.
Good luck & enjoy your clean house.

svillemomof4's picture

I always say actions speak

I always say actions speak louder than words. It is great to feel appreciated and it seems like he is trying to do that. Sometimes we all need a little boot in the rear end to see the whole picture. Keep talking to him, the lines of communication are really open right now and you can start mending all of those fences. Nothing happens overnight but he obviously doesn't want you going anywhere! Best of luck!! Smiling

"Your clothes should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to show you're a lady."--Marilyn Monroe

SunnyD123's picture

Sometimes a good blow out

Sometimes a good blow out fight and letting loose of anger helps people see what they really need to see. My SO and I have pretty hot tempers. When we argue it is not pretty. But afterwards I notice we appreciate each other more.

Don't feel bad or like you need to explain yourself for staying. I can't tell you how many times I have been DONE with SO in my head. It's good you would be able to get up and leave if you need to but I'm glad it's worked out and you are ok.

ITS-OVER's picture

I am glad that he is trying

I am glad that he is trying to change and I hope it works out for you. Just remember that you have already put up with your XH's crap and you don't have to do that again.

I read through a lot of your past blog's and it looked like your were the nanny/housekeeper, not your DH's wife and partner. Partner's treat each other as equals and respect. Partners listen and admit when they are wrong and apologize and feel remorse for saying mean hurtful things when they are mad. I didn't see that in your blog's, I read was that the next day, he acted like nothing was wrong. I am sorry but your DH is acting just like his son. Or the son is acting just like DH.

Disease: IDIOTITIS, causes the brain to shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands affected, might be contagious. Best defense: Slap and run.