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How do i handle my 14 year old stepdaughter?!

youngmum31281's picture

Submitted by youngmum31281 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 2:55pm

Im very new to the stepchildren thing and ive recently gone from none to NINE the eldest being older than ME. Well thats the least of my problems.

Whats really concerning me is my bf's 14 year old daughter. Her father "babied" her way too much and let her away with blue murder so to speak and still does.
Im allways cleaning up after her when she knows that the loung dinning and kitchen area are to STAY clean (my 2 under 5year olds know this!), ill ask now and then if she can dry the dishes or pick her stuff up but depending if my bf is home or not ill get back sass like "what are you going to do about it? nark on me again?".

recently she has threatend to punch my 3yr old in the head and made it Very clear that she didnt care if i knew and that id be gone soon anyways. Well i told my partner and all hell broke lose to the point where we nearly broke up over it.
I gave her my expensive double bed to use instead of bunk beds but she would rather sleep on the couch.
Well The bf (works), two kids and I get up around 6.30 and of course shes on the couch (even after her dad telling her not too) which means we have to tip toe around her until 11oclock or she complains to her dad that the kids keep waking her up which ends up in me getting an earfull

She is driving me up the wall!!! she allways picking on my kids, never showers or brushes her teath, she has her dad wrapped around her little finger and uses it against me, comes into the bedroom while im sleeping or trying to relax away from kids just to got on the computer and sing at the top of her voice.

I am not the house slave and i deserve to be treated with respect. but how do i tell her dad without it breaking out in an arguement and actually get him to stick to his word and back me up?

Comments

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 3:01pm

It's not her that's the problem it's your bf. He is putting her before you as the #1 woman in his life. If that doesn't change, end it. Save yourself the heartache.

youngmum31281's picture

Submitted by youngmum31281 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 3:30pm

he is trying to,, we've only been together for about 5 months so its a bit of adjusting for all of us

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:11pm

Five months.....you moved in with a man five months after meeting him and he has nine kids.

My advice to you is to move your buns right the hell back out, get your own apartment and find a man that does not have NINE CHILDREN.

What in the hell are you thinking? This man is at least twice your age with NINE kids, some older than you. You are insane to be with this person. Move out, break up, get some counseling and find a man closer to your age.

youngmum31281's picture

Submitted by youngmum31281 on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 5:50am

well no ive known him for years and weve been really close before we got together. age doesnt matter. please dont judge unnless you have the full story

smomof2's picture

Submitted by smomof2 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 3:12pm

9 stepkids? yikes!

I agree with Queen your partner is the issue. Teenagers are brats and they like to push boundaries and test limits. It's up to your bf to show respect for you and make it clear to his children that you are the woman in his life and no one is allowed to disrespect you, especially not in your home.

youngmum31281's picture

Submitted by youngmum31281 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 3:37pm

out of the nine kids shes the only one that does it.
its hard for him to set boundries for her because he works from about 6 to 7 at night, so im home with her all the time and dont feel comfortable disciplining her because im not her bio mother
:?

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 5:24pm

If you aren't comfortable disciplining her you shouldn't be home with her.

Would you hire a babysitter that couldn't discipline your kids? No.

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 3:20pm

I stopped at 9 stepkids :O :jawdrop: You are in my prayers. My goodness.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 6:50pm

Lol. My cat taught me that when I saw her remove wings from a bug, one by one, tossed it around for over an hour before she finally put the poor thing out of its misery.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:28pm

You mean lives off of her father. Not the two of you, but him....because that is what you're doing too. You are 19 with no job and stay at home all day. At least the daughter has a job.

So which would you like to be for Halloween? The Pot or the Kettle??

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:46pm

*****applauding*****

Oh and complaining about how his adult children are living off of him.

Ahem.

The same way the OP is living off of him.

youngmum31281's picture

Submitted by youngmum31281 on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 6:22am

also funny that you automaticly assume im a "little girl".
ive known him for years now weve only recently gotten together yes but for good reason (im saving to buy my own house and he is trying to make ends meet with the extra money i put into the house). im studying to be a midwife and my mother is an alchoholic and my father is god knows where.

any more questions?

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:41pm

she sounds like a teenager with a SM who runs to Daddy everytime SM does something she doesnt like. The fact that you are not much older then her probably doesnt bod well for you.

whats the age difference between you and your BF?

If I was 14 and had a 19 year old SM I's challenge you to. Id be all over you trying to run you out.

your boyfriend needs to step up and discipline is daughter but gaining respect for you means you need to women up and stop running to Daddy about her. Stop asking her to do this or that and tell her and when she doesnt do it you lay down the law, if your BF doesnt back you I suggest you leave his ass with his 9 kids.

you have a long life ahead of you, I dont see a forever thing here I see a huge pain in the ass and a 19 year old kid that is in way over her head

LaMareOssa's picture

Submitted by LaMareOssa on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:54pm

At 19 years old, you're only a few years older than the 14 year old!! It's especially rough if you're younger than one of the daughters! At 19, you should be working/going to school and working on raising your own children, not home all day taking care of some mans 9 kids!

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 5:20pm

WTH

Pack your stuff and call your parents. Beg them to let you and your kids move in. Go to school (and work) so that you have the ability to support yourself.

You and that 14 year old are peers. She will never respect or listen to you.

How many BMs are involved here?

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 5:36pm

Ladies, that cute little hedgehog statue with the bristly things on it's back is for you to wipe that off your shoes BEFORE you come inside. Smile

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 7:14pm

I will go get the garden hose. What makes this even more hysterical is my mother has several shoe scrapers and mats along with the garden hose right by her back door and no one bothers to use any of them. Smile I need to put a sign up.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 6:57pm

MomS.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 7:41pm

HIGHER

The kid knows the OP won't be around for long. She myst be us ti women dropping in, popping out a kid or two then getting the boot from dad.

So I say 6 moms.

youngmum31281's picture

Submitted by youngmum31281 on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 6:08am

oh my life

(1) Im not just a stay at home mum im studying to become a midwife
(2)age is literally only a number and in my case i grew up a long time ago because i had to bring up my 3 siblings due to useless parents
(3)ive knowin my partner for YEARS now we dated for a while and i moved in with him because i want to save for a house (there way to expensive where i am)and he was having trouble paying the mortgage because of his older daughter

any other questions?

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 8:10am

You don't have a job so how can you save for a house?

This man is 40. If he were a good catch, women h II s age would ant him. However, women who can stand on their own are not interested in men with 9 kids and a bunch of BMs.

You keep saying you've known each other for years. You were a child then. What type of relationship could a kid have with a 30+ year old man?