I am completely done please help!!!
Ok so I have been with my husband since his son was born practically. We actually started dating when his son was 4 months old and since he works so much I have taken care of his son since then.The relationship with the childs mother is horrible so she after the first year did everything she could to make sure we no longer saw him. So fast forward to now he is about 12 years old and I have 3 children and opne on the way with my husband and we have seenhim about 3 times over the past 7 years and it was really sparce before that. Since we have children now it is so hard for me to draw a line between protecting my feelings and my children and now the mother of this child is going to let him come down for a month in july which is a week from mine and I am going crazy. I feel my kids will be confused and mad becasue some strange child will be taking up their daddy time and my husbands thought is there is no good time so just throw them into the fire. I might explode and i have a week. All I can think of is the last time he was here when his mnother gave him a cell phone to call home every 5 mins and put thoughts in his head that he was being mistreated and he needed to come home then she called the police ot our house telling them we mistreated him. I might not make it. Help please!!
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Take the cell phone away from
Take the cell phone away from him and make a specific time to talk to his mom and a time limit and if necessary make him call on speaker. That should help take the wind out of BMs sails.
Can you find a day program or something for SS to attend while DH is at work? Maybe you can enlist some mom friends with kids his age for playdates?
Thanks so much I am looking
Thanks so much I am looking into some things right now for him to do and trying to not get mad since once again this falls in my lap a week before he comes because I didn't know he was coming till tonight. I will definately take away the cell phone though. Any other helpful hints I's love to hear them before I lose what is left of my mind.
What does he like to do? I
What does he like to do? I got out my water colors and bought the kids a each a cheap palette (I use tube watercolors that dry out on the palette and can be used over and over with a bit of water) and a pad of cheap watercolor paper. I let them paint to their hearts content. My SS was 9 and he loved it and he was a video game addict but it was fun for him to do a hobby with DD and myself. We also made clay handprints and stepping stones and other fun stuff like that. Crafts are kind of girly but my SS was very feminine thanks to FMIL. Another interesting thing we did was take a small canvas and everyone put their hand in a different color acrylic paint and we did a family handprint picture. Google kids crafts. Day trips to local parks where all the kids can burn off energy. Flea market or mall walking.
Um. Hand the phone to the
Um. Hand the phone to the kids father, who authorized the kid to come down for a month without consulting you and tell him to get busy or take time off from work to deal with his child, that you are far too busy with three kids and being pregnant to deal with a child that isn't yours.
If he objects, put a hand up and tell him: I did not invite him or authorize him to come. You did, That makes him your guest and your responsibility. Have fun.
And if on that first day your DH drives off and leaves the kid home, deliver the kid to his work and drop him off. You let him get away with dropping this on you once, especially now that BM knows she has a summer sitter and you will be playing this game every year for the next six years.
LMAO you are meaner than me
LMAO you are meaner than me tonight.
That's so funny because I
That's so funny because I have thought about dropping him off so many times last time he was here. I really don't need the stress. I'm due in September and I'm high risk so for the past 4 months I have been on bedrest so I really need to take it easy. My kids are very helpful and know the routine so I don't have any issues but with him there is always an issue an especially since we haven't seen him in 5 years. Its always an adjustment i have to deal with alomg with the million and three places my children have to be for summer activities.I think if the first week starts off rough i'm going to immediately do something. I always try to wait in this situation for my husband to fix it or jump in but he never does and i end up blowing my lid. }:)
Let daddy dearest take the
Let daddy dearest take the phone and watch/find arrangements for his kid
My step-parent commandment is
My step-parent commandment is : If he already has children you know about then be prepared for those children to be part of your life at some stage. It may be every 2 weeks or every 2 decades. So you KNEW this boy existed and your kids must be old enough to understand he is their half brother and lives far far away.
So you are telling us he has had no communication with you guys for 5 yrs? No phone calls or letters or photos? So your kids have no idea this boy exists? Or has he been outa sight, outa mind?
I would tell my DH that as this is his child he better make sure he is entertained or take time off work. Yes, your kids will be put out. But this boy visits every 5 yrs. Surely he is entitled to see and spend time with his father when they see him every single day of their lives? Isn't this a good time to let your children learn about sharing their father? This boy DOES exist. He IS their half brother. And he may turn out to be starving for affection and be the biggest help in the world. If you paint him as a bad kid already when you haven't seen him for 5 yrs ... isn't that unfair? Would you like someone to judge your kids based on a limited experience 5 yrs ago?
Certainly find him things to do. Make sure his Dad spends time with him... LOTS of time. And find out what he likes to do... maybe get his Dad to take him shopping when he gets here and buys him a model to make. A plane, a ship ... boys like that kind of thing.
Give him a couple of chores while he is there... Take out the trash and keep his room neat and tidy. And seeing he is older than your kids he gets to stay up a little later and sleep a little later. But make sure he knows he has to be out of bed by 10am and dressed by 10:30... just the house rules.
As upset as you are imagine how he feels. He is being shipped off to his father and s/mother and 3 kids he doesn't know in an area he doesn't know. He has no friends, no family apart from his Dad who will be working. He is stuck there like a fish out of water and probably already thinks you will all hate him.
Your DH should also explain to him the family dynamics before he gets there..."SM is expecting another baby and the Dr says she has to rest for x hrs a day. So between x and y she MUST rest. Bobby, Greg and Marsha are good kids but Marsha can be a little whiny. Just ignore her. Greg like reading and will ask you to read to him ALL the time. Just read one book and tell him you are done for today. Bobby just likes playing with his cars all day. He is allowed to make lego garages in his bedroom but cannot bring them out of there. I go to work at 7am and I am back by 4:30pm. I work at xyz place, it is about 10 miles from home. I will leave you my work number in case of an emergency or you need to talk. We usually grill out for dinner... maybe you would like to grill out with me? It is just very important SM gets as much rest as she can. So tell me... what kind of food and snacks do you like???"