BM/SD Fathers day gift.. input?
I see no problem with BM helping her 6 yr old daughter make a fathers day gift. However my issue lies in the fact that every gift (fathers day bday xmas and such) is clearly made by an adult... Last year a huge framed colage with a writting in the middle about how loved he is on fathers day... This year a craft clearly not made by a 5 year old with a hand printed list of why SD loves her dad clearly written by an adult. To boot when she was asked what was on the list she could not recal 1 out of 10 that was. Even though bf has repeatedly sent SDof with gifts for mom that she has picked or made completely on her own... a year a bit later and 5 incidents later this is still happening.
Is it to much to ask that SD of 6 years picks out or makes her own gifts? I personally helped her make her own gift for dad... heaven forbid we keep fathers day at that. My understanding is that it is good for the kids to do something with the ex so there isnt just a picture of hate... I guess to me that isnt something that continues a year after seperation. However, that is not my problem... my problem is who it is actually coming from! Whats wrong with SD being helped to make something on her own. Am I being unreasonable?
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Honestly I feel that mothers
Honestly I feel that mothers day bdays presents and stuff should come from that persons spouse. I know that some will say that it is for the kids but honestly the spouse can take said kids to buy for their spouse. I feel that the ex lost that right when they were divorced. The kids aren't losing anything if the spouse takes them to get something. That is how we do it here and it has worked out very well. Of course dh had to tell bm to back off and that any and all presents would go back to her. But we know for a fact it came from her not the kids as the kids were with us.
I agree with this... i have
I agree with this... i have heard about when seperation is new doing this. The theory being that the child knows its ok to love either parent and in the opposits parents presence. My thing is a year later i think that excuse is coming to an end.
The bf and I had a discussion. He understands my discomfort and he also does not like it. My biggest problem with it is that it seems to be her way of still feeling like his wife. Love, is a word that is written often in these presents and not by his daughter. I just dont feel it is appropriate at all!
Maybe this will make you feel
Maybe this will make you feel a bit better, Fathers day morning my DD4 wanted to make a gift for my stepdad. She couldn't pick one I suggested. She finally told me she wanted to put her handprints on canvas like we did for my mom. Ok I don't think he will like it so I tried to change her mind. No go. Then we got in a rush to leave and I thought she forgot. No she was on the floor in full meltdown because she wanted it done. We did it and she dictated a huge letter for me to write on it. It was surprising some of the things she said. Not like her at all. I told her to just tell him when we got there because there was no room for me to paint it all out. She forgot by the time we got to their house about 40 minutes later.
My stepdad loved the handprints too, go figure.
My opinion is if the ex thinks it bothers you she will keep doing it. The kids may want to keep doing it with their mom because it's fun craft time even if they spend five minutes doing it and if you stop it cold turkey it now looks like you brought dissention in the ranks and mom and dad were fine until you showed up. Wait til the ex has a new SO, he will stop that practice and be the bad guy in the kids eyes. This is how you start showing the kids you are jealous and insecure. I know everyone preaches boundaries and they are right but look at the clues you give off. I set my own self up when I finally got pissed and said no more talk of BM in my house. In hindsight I see how SS used to never mention his BM and then all of a sudden it got worse as I got more annoyed at it.
I don't think it needs to be
I don't think it needs to be a confrontation gifts can go back to her house if that is who it is from... The problem here is that no one is comfortable with it, he isn't, I am not. There is also the problem that we do not want to hurt SD feelings... I would prefer for her BM be aware this is not appropriate. However, I don't feel that I should be disrespected enough to have to go into my dining every day and have to see a clearly adult written love letter in disguise hanging on my wall with photos from FH's past. From a 4 yr old I get it not from a 6 year old that can read and write and loves to do so! I am slightly confused with your response though why is your daughter making gifts for your stepfather?
My stepfater is her
My stepfater is her grandfather and my fiance that she thinks of as her dad passed away last year. My DD has a lot of issues with her dad being gone, we are not sure if it is coming from other kids at the preschool talking about their dads or what. She knows my dad is not around and we have explained I have a stepdad. I had a horrible stepdad when I was a kid and he has loved my DD since day 1 and he tells everyone she is his granddaughter. I am his wife's daughter but DD is his granddaughter. It is the weirdest thing but it works for them. DD has a grandpa and is happy. He has what will most likely be his only grandkid and we have a truce going on. It makes my mom happy and it works for us.
I see what you are saying about a 6 year old being able to write her own sentences. Perhaps BM manipulated that with a little "mommy can write much neater, let me do it for you". No matter what you do the kid will be hurt. You can try to move the homemade stuff into your room or a home office and slowly get rid of it. Do crafts with the kid and hang them up where the BM crafts are and put BM's stuff in a box. Eventually the kid will get it and it will stop.
UPDATE!! DH of the year told
UPDATE!! DH of the year told her nicely in our his trade off email he realized sometimes the kids need help but he would prefer getting a gift that was actually made by them.... oh how I love him. I will wait until after we are done in court until I make a deal out of her being involved at all. I am happy with this! I am however, curious any thoughts on whether she is still a little in love and this is last ditch effort to remain his wife? He ended it and she was still saying she loved him when we were living together... I don't know if I am reading into it to much.