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Stepkids ignoring half siblings

momto3's picture

SD27 & SD18 have no contact with us & that's fine by me. My problem is they blantantly ignore our other kids. Both of them have contact with SD15, who lives with us. And they only seem to claim SD15 as a sibling (which is SD27's half sister & SD18's bio sister), but they totally ignore BD8 & BD13 (their half sisters as well).

SD27 gave SD15 a Christmas & birthday gift this year, but not even a card for the other two for either holiday...she didn't even acknowledge them at all. She gushes over SD15 on Facebook & Instagram and again, no mention at all for the other two. Honestly I could care less, but they don't understand why she ignores them yet contacts their other sister who lives in the very same house.

Anyone else deal with this? How do you explain it to your other kids? As much as I want to just tell them they're both evil spawn & you are better off, I don't Wink

EvilWickedSM's picture

I've not had children with DH, and we won't have children, because I can't. But there have been times that I've wistfully wished for them. SD has gone so far as to say "NO" whenever I've mentioned having a baby, or adopting. I just tell her that I guess it's a good thing that she has absolutely zero say in the matter. I'm sure she would be a little bitch to any other child that her dadddeeee had. She has, on the other hand, been very supportive when her mom and SD were talking about having a baby. Go figure.

oldone's picture

Think of it this way - why would you want a POS having anything to do with your bio children? Be grateful. As far as explaining to your children I'd tell them in an age appropriate manner that sometimes it is better not to be around "bad" people.

Elizabeth's picture

SD20 is the same way. She "seems" close with her two half-sisters with BM but does almost nothing with/for our two BDs, also her half-sisters. In fact, SD20 was 50/50 custody when oldest BD was born and turned to primary custody for us when oldest BD was 1. She was with us as primary custodians until oldest BD was 5 and youngest BD was 2, and still she acts like they don't exist.

sandye21's picture

How does SD15 treat your bios? Her attitude about this could make a big difference. It would be nice if she quietly takes SD's calls in another room, and does not make a big deal out of presents she receives from them.

It's easier to disengage when there are no younger siblings involved. BD8 might have a hard time understanding how a grown woman, who is supposed to be her sister, would purposely exclude her because she was born to the 'wrong' person.

I am curious as to what your DH thinks of all of this and what kind of roll he takes in helping your children to deal with this situation. In my opinion he needs to take the lead and tell older SDs to give gifts or cards to SD15 outside of your home.

In the long run you will not have to tell your kids the SDs are evil spawn - they will soon see it for themselves.

3_steps_ahead's picture

In our situation, SD23 and SD21 were never close to BD10 at all so BD10 basically considers them "relatives" but not "family" (if that makes sense).

Now for SD19, she lived with us for years and BD10 spent most of her life growing up with her and they were close (or so everyone thought.) After SD19 threatened BD10 on more than one occasion and then walked out and joined the army, BD10 has wanted absolutely nothing to do with SD19. Unfortunately, SD19 is too much like her BM and since she hasn't gotten a response out of DH or I for over a year and a half, she has now turned her full attention to BD10 and will not leave her alone. With all that has happened over the past year and a half, BD10 would give just about anything for SD19 to just ignore her and leave her alone.

As for your situation, I'm not sure if I would say anything to your daughters at all. If you speak badly of SD27 & SD18, it could end up making you look like the "bad guy" years down the road. I'd make sure that BD8 & BD13 are surrounded by all sorts of friends and family that love them and value them and I'd really just focus on the people that do matter in their lives. Sooner or later, your bios will see their half sisters for who they are and they probably won't want anything to do with them later in life anyway since they never had a "bond" with them in the first place.

momto3's picture

SD15 is close with my BD's and actually super close to my OBD18. She never opens the gifts in front of the other girls, which I appreciate, but she shares a room with BD13, so the gifts are noticed. No gifts are given in our home since they don't visit & frankly I'm glad they don't. DH of course just seems to ignore this.

SD18 is getting ready to graduate & of course only SD15 has been included in the "festivities". SD27 has been gushing to SD15 about how excited she is to see her...she lives 30 minutes from us & no one has ever said she couldn't see her sisters, she chooses not to.

I guess this will only get better once SD15 graduates & goes to college, then we won't have to worry with it anymore.

DaisyUVT's picture

Hello,
I am part of a group of Masters Students studying at Tilburg University in The Netherlands, which is currently conducting research regarding sibling conflict. In order to compile a thorough set of data surrounding the topic, we are looking for individuals who have adopted siblings, half siblings, and step siblings. We would be extremely grateful if you could aid us in this research and either fill out this survey yourself, or pass it along to any individuals that you believe would fit our criteria! It should not take more than 10 minutes, and your answers will remain anonymous.

Link to survey: https://qtrial2014az1.az1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_0rdMDxm3cotKCIB

Kind regards, Daisy

zerostepdrama's picture

Maybe she doesnt really think of your bios as her sisters? Has she ever lived with them? Was she around them a lot when she was growing up?

Also it may be that they (your SDs) all have the same BM, so they are more bonded over that.

What is their relationship like with you? Maybe they are projecting their feelings towards you, onto your kids?

My dad adopted my SM's adopted sisters baby when I was in college. We never grew up together. I was 17 when she was born. When I did see her and my dad and SM, they disney parented her so much it wasnt even enjoyable to be around her. Actually quite the opposite. I just dont consider her my "sister" even though legally she is. I'm nice to her when I see her and dont wish any ill harm on her but I just dont consider her my sister. When I got married, I guess she was upset that I didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid, she felt she should have been asked because she is my sister and my bio sister and nieces were in my wedding.

I feel closer as a "sister" to my Ex step sisters who I actually grew up with and have that bond as "sisters".