Tidal waves of emotion!
I am in despair. Confrontation with DH left me tonight with nothing but fear of my future. Does anyone know how to make money working from home. I am with some physical challenges, and working from home would be perfect. No childcare since I am sure nobody wants a dizzy woman holding their baby. I have dizziness and vertigo daily. It comes and goes. DH said he was glad to have me home with his the skids. Now I am facing the need to work again. To top it all I am depressed and not even wanting to shower! Good thing I just got a puppy who needs me. I MUST get up and outside to walk him along with my other grown sweet dog. These animals have been a godsend!
Told DH tonight that he needs to stop screwing with my emotions. If it's over... then tell me. If not... CALL THE DAMN THERAPIST! He is showing me in his actions that he cannot put his daughter in counseling. He said he thinks that no matter what he does it will not be enough for me. Why do I allow this to continue? I know. I want to make sure I did absolutely everything possible to save our marriage. I love him. I love the skids (even though they are troubled)... I even love his mother! NOBODY understands what his problem is. I am beginning to think I have turned out to be more trouble than I am worth. I am beginning to believe this is the end.
My depression has me on a tidal wave of emotions. And as soon as he walked out the door... I wanted him to come back! How crazy is that!? Ugh!
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It is not all scams but it is
It is not all scams but it is hard to find legitimate opportunities amongst the scams.
But I would agree that the depression is the first thing to work on. Without dealing with that (even if it is getting on meds temporarily), everything will seem like a huge uphill battle. At least a counselor might help you decide what your next actions should be.
I've started reading a book
I've started reading a book called Too good to leave, too bad to stay, A step by step guide to help you decide whether to stay in or get out of your relationship, by Mira Kirshenbaum. It's very good so far, maybe it might help you to find some clarity too. You can download it as an eBook.
No, I very rarely drive.
No, I very rarely drive. Sometimes I can and that's when I run all my errands. DH drives me most everywhere too important to miss... the therapist, Dr's, shopping, etc. No buses out in rural Indiana!
I have volunteered in the past and loved it. The crisis center hotline, domestic violence shelter. I am in process to volunteer at the local DV shelter. It's been two months and they haven't called. I wonder if they passed me by because I am currently in a DV situation. Police records have me as a plaintiff. Hmm...
Def will read the book, and LOL!!! I'm not bi-polar... I'm a woman in love with a man who toys with my emotions, and my security for the future. I have abandonment issues. The more steps he takes backwards... the more I run to him and cling because I cannot imagine my life without him!
Last night I stood up for myself. Calmly and to the point. "Make a decision DH. Choose. Life with me or without me, just stop jedi mind fucking me!" I told him he was cruel to string me along like this.
When I was single, I didn't date. EVER. I hated it. Then in my first marriage I married my best friend. He was secretive and had a whole double life I didn't know about (long story). Now I am married to my high school sweetheart. After finding each other all these years... I am so grateful! But this marriage is a disaster! I just want him to choose. I want out of limbo land. I become more and more fearful as the September deadline approaches. I don't want a divorce. I love my husband, but what is so hard about making a couple phone calls and getting SD15 into therapy? Yes, she refuses to get out of the car when they get there. Yes, it is WW3 to make her go. Too bad DH! PARENT YOUR CHILD!
Update: Domestic violence
Update: Domestic violence shelter I volunteered at before wants a meeting to see where I could help the most since my last job was at a DV shelter as a child therapist. I did call to see if there was a problem. They were just busy. When they did look at my application, they called. DH and I talked about transportation. No buses out here, but there are cabs. If he or SS20 cannot provide transportation, I'll take a cab. He thinks getting me out of the house is more important than the money. I agree.
Next, he made an appt with a counselor to have a "parenting coach." No appt for SD15. But his parenting is a huge part of the problem. He says he created the monster and now he has to deal with the monster. A step in the right direction is a step.