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Anxiety

Loosing It's picture

Submitted by Loosing It on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 9:24am

I need some help. I'm a fairly new step parent, only going on two years and I am so lost. THe kids have an active mom in their life and really only need me when they want something. I don't feel like I have control over my home. I get extremely aggravated over little things they do and I don't know why.

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queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 9:29am

You get extremely aggravated because you feel like you have no control. I'm guessing you feel a bit used, too. How old are your skids?

kellyyy's picture

Submitted by kellyyy on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 9:38am

Although you didn't write much, I can see myself in your position in the past. I am a control freak too Smile I dont see it as a bad thing and my anxiety would always get so bad trying to figure stuff out that had to deal with the skids. DH didnt really worry about anything but he didnt need to because I did enough for the both of us. Over the last year I have pulled back and found ways to take care of those things that really bug me. I am not capable of having a positive relationship with them because of all that has happened so I try to have miniumal one. Its sad because I love kids but I think DH amd BM handle things in a way that makes everything difficult. Now I try not to worry. I know if things got better I could try again but Im not holding my breath.

Loosing It's picture

Submitted by Loosing It on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 10:01am

I think that's exactly it, I have no control...the kids are 11(girl with ADHD and aspergers) boy 14 perfectly normal and really smart, just seriously lazy. I was a single mother of my daughter for eight years, her bio dad was never involved. My daughter has cerebral palsey and epilepsy and requires lots of my attention, she is high function but there are a lot of daily stretches and everyday life things I have to help her with.

Loosing It's picture

Submitted by Loosing It on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 10:02am

I wish I could just let go of all the little things they do, I love them both but they have made it very clear I am not their mom. I am very scheduled and I run a daycare in my home so keeping things very clean is part of my job....which they hate....

Loosing It's picture

Submitted by Loosing It on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 10:32am

If you asking if my husband helps he gets home around 5:30pm and kinda takes over with his kids, or I just step aside and let him deal with them. I don't have personal time. My daughter takes all that. WE start stretches at 6am to insure we can get them all done before bed. THen right after dinner around 7pm its more stretches. We maybe have one hour of free time right before bed at 9pm. That's only if there are no extra activies like shopping, outpatient therapy bathing her.....I have no time.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 10:33am

Read up a lot about Aspergers and ADHD. I have Aspergers and what has helped me is receiving good treatment. I've been in support groups and receive counseling (support groups for Aspergers and counseling for Aspergers and other things). I'm on the right medications. Maybe SD's need to be re-adjusted. She can do very well in life. She just needs the right tools, aids and support team. I hope dh and bm are getting that for her. She also needs structure-routine is VERY important to those of us with Aspergers.

Check out wrongplanet.net and look up Liane Holliday Willey. She has Aspergers and has written some good books on it. Her daughter also has it.

Loosing It's picture

Submitted by Loosing It on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 10:42am

I think I handle her ok, She is on meds and finally we see a change in her controlling herself. She is very happy here with my schedule an has asked her mom to do some of the same things at her place. I know she thrives on structure and routine and I am happy to help her with that. I think I am just not used to all the talking and questions. She is super smart and very independent....I think I am more the problem and not the kids....I am used to children 5 yaers and younger....I feel like I have been thrown in the den with the lions...lol...my mom always told me I can control how people make me feel but I'm having such a hard time not getting annoyed....I'm trying so hard to see past the small stuff, choose my battles...

Loosing It's picture

Submitted by Loosing It on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 10:35am

LOL, I will go with Dear Husband....he is a really good man and is about as lost with his kids issues with me as I am. He stands by me most of the time and most of our fights have been about his kids.....he hates that the weeks his kids are here I am always stressed but I cant seem to not let them stress me out....my daughter is so different than they are....I feel like she is the only one in my house that doesn't get mad at me....

kellyyy's picture

Submitted by kellyyy on Thu, 05/09/2013 - 2:43pm

I dont know if you can disengage like I did with 50/50. I so hope dh doesnt ever get 50/50. I remind myself if I keep doing what I dont want to then I will resent it. I have to atleast let DH know that I dont want to do it.