Extreme Anxiety
I'm posting because the past while it's been increasing dramatically. I get very anxious and such around the step-kids. My wife had 4 kids previously and we have one together. I also have a 10 year old son in Canada. Currently we are all living in the same house and my step-daughter who is 19 has a 5 month old infant. It's been very stressful and difficult because she also has some kind of bi-polar issue although never has been diagnosed. My anxiety is bad because when the kids come home from school I jet out of the house just so I don't have to be around them. I have known them all for about 10 years and the ages of the step-kids is 19, 16, 15 and 12. They are all boys except the 19 year old. The boys are ok, but are obnoxious and typical teenagers. I have grown in the past few years to really dislike them. I don't know. I have raised them primary with my wife but don't like the people they are becoming. They do not get into trouble with the law or other friends it's more how they act together. They argue, fight and yell at each other constantly...but at the same time can't live without each other. I find that over the years that they have all taken out so much of my enjoyment because they consume every second of the day. Even if they play outside you always have to have to hear them bitch or they wreck the place. I work from home and now my step-daughter and baby are held up in the room that was for one of the boys. The house is in disarray and as the boys get bigger the house gets smaller and they get louder. I know this post is jumbled but it's just me venting currently on how I feel at the moment. Thanks for listening....but seriously not sure what the hell I am going to do. My wife knows how I feel but again she is not sure what to do with her own daughter. The daughter has no where to go, no money, no job and she has the baby. It's a crapshoot. We are in the process of trying to get her a place but again that is time consuming and every day that passes is very stressful on me personally. I find myself wanting to get away constantly and not wanting to be at home at all. The kids don't really know how I feel, as I keep my thoughts to myself. They are all older and you would think things would be easier but instead they are hard or just as hard as when they were little.
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I feel the same way. I
I feel the same way. I LOOOOVE my alone time while my kids are at school. I love when my son-6 comes home, but I feel more annoyed about my SD11 and SS10 coming home because they pull me in all directions with homework, questions and their own individual needs. I get annoyed when they ask me what's for dinner. It makes me have anxiety when I wasn't even worried about it, but since they brought it up, I get anxious. I want to ENJOY being a mom, but I feel like I can't because I have to take care of other women's children, and can't focus on my own. SO I FEEL YA and I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!
Kristin is right. SOMETHING has to give. Maybe you could get them involved in after school activities or sports? Sounds like they may need an outlet? Also, it's YOUR house, so act like it! I make sure my kids don't EVER mistreat each other or talk to each other with disrespect. Don't yell at them and lecture them, because all they will hear is "wah wah wah wah whaaaa." I always tell my kids "you are siblings, which is the longest and one of the most important relationships you will have in your life. Treat each other with respect and love!" You may have to change that up since I don't have teenage boys, but those kind of circumstances should be taken as a chance to teach them how to be good people. Hopefully they will listen to you, but seriously- don't leave- stand up for yourself in your own dang home!
Do these boys respect you?
Do these boys respect you? Are you and authority figure for them? if they do, and If you are set then strait! Reset your boundaries and rules if theyve been lost/forgoten through out the years. You're about to loose your cool and big time... they should shut up, keep it down, clean up and behave goddamn it. Dont run away, face them and remind them "my house my rules" (hell yea Tiane!)
You sound like a nice guy...but maybe its time to quit the nice guy routine and disengage.
You said your wife knows how you feel, what does she do to help? Or is she sitting idly by while you are getting stepped on (no pun inteded)
Why hasnt she disiplined them when her husband is working from home...jesus fucking christ im mad for you!!!
I maybe wrong, but the reason you feel like you are about to blow up is because your wife is leaving it all on you, and no man, that is NOT okay.
Wether your a stepdad or a step mom....its not ok to be walked on.
disengage, disengage, disengage, disengage, .....disengage. Let your wife deal with her kids, let your wife not only "know" what your going thourgh, but she needs to understand what your going though, and thats not never gonna happen untill she has to deal with her kids herlself. This isnt just to "teach her a lesson", but you need a break dude...you have a SON who needs you to be 100% emotionally strong for him.
No one should feel the way you do....
Seriously.....disengage.....it will save your sanity
Thanks for all the comments.
Thanks for all the comments. It seems that last evening the shit hit the fan beyond anything. After a really long hard Saturday (going to drop kids off at baseball, coming back, cleaning house, and all that type chores...the evening came and when the older boys were about to go to bed it was 20 to 25 minutes of chaos upstairs while the 8 year old was sleeping! The 3 older boys were banging doors, talking loud for that long of a time! I really wasn't expecting what happened to happen but it did. I blew up. Badly. The 12 year old and 16 year old has been sharing a room since sd is in ss room with baby..so they are a bit out of sorts with their space. So the 12 year old never gets his ass in bed and waits idle until the 16 year old gets in the room. I went in and was yelling for him to get his ass in bed. The older boys are getting a bit stand offish when i discipline now as they are all getting bigger than I am. I'm a short stop of 5'4. Anyway as I was in the 12 year olds face he kind of got bigger and stood face to face with me stand offish and that enraged me because who the hell does he think he is? I kind of shoved him a bit which totally insulted him and then the 16 year old who was coming in the room put me in a headlock and was physical with me..my nose was bleeding and I lost it. The 16 year old is 5'9" so he towers over me for the most part now. I absolutely blew up. I was screaming and yelling...that I was done. This freaked the kids out and then the step-daughter came up freaking out and saying the stupidest shit things you ever heard of, my wife was very upset that the 16 year old did that to me...I went downstairs and packed up some gear and was about to leave. I smashed a photo I took of the golden gate bridge out of rage and my wife and i got into a huge argument and this was all at 10:30pm at night. it was horrible and no i didn't want to do this or expect it. My had was bleeding from the glass and I went up and told the 3 older boys that I did not want to see them again. Maybe not the best thing to do because I am the adult but I'm only human and I'm really losing my sanity here. After that I left. My wife was begging me not to go because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to just throw the sd out with a kid which I get. But the fact is my sd has a mental disability to some degree and with the baby it just gets worse. I drove around for a while. Cried my ass off..not know what to do or where togo. Texing back and for with my wife for a while..it ended up being about 1:30am. I was very tired and ended up quietly getting back to my house (even though I said I would never come back of course)...but I have no where else to go and responsibilities up the ass to keep up. I passed out around 2am and then woke up at 7. The worst part about all this is that my son who just has had his 8th birthday last week was having a birthday party today. Luckily while the shit was hitting the fan last night he slept right through it. All the kids were sorry, and were very upset that it happened. They don't see the stress they cause me daily as they are just kids. the backtalk and the selfishness is part of growing up I get it...but I don't know. As a step parent I get resentful and tired of the bullshit day in day out. If every night you have to listen to 20 minutes of banging around or loud for 8 years? Really? Now dealing with 16 and 15 year olds loud booming voices because they don't know how to be quiet at 10pm while others are sleeping in the house. It's always chaos and I'm really sick of it. I told my wife that the sd has to go, and the boys need to go with their dad. Which really is a must but not going to happen. Today my wife took sd and the baby and the 3 older boys to a cheap weekly hotel where the sd boyfriend is as well and they need to figure out what they are going to do. (It's a longer story about that). I currently am putting on the birthday party and have 4 boys and my son running around outside playing and such for his birthday party. The complexity of the situation was because my sd and baby were living in the house for 7 weeks and just causing too much stress because sd is demanding and unappreciative of all of us helping her with the baby and giving her a roof over her head.
I will not forgive the 16 year old or 12 year old for what happened last night. No respect there. I want them to go live with their dad. Their dad has been a dead beat piece of shit for years who comes and goes in their life but can never do no wrong in their eyes. He doesn't really pay child support and owes like 16k in back support. But he comes and gets them recently on weekends for a few hours or whenever it's good for him. They call him all the time and it's always so wonderful...so I say screw it..he can have them. I need the break and my marriage as suffered badly because my wife gets put into these positions of her kids or her husband?
So that's the update...it's bad.
The problem is I love my wife
The problem is I love my wife but the stress of the older kids is going to kill our marriage..or kill me. My wife is not just sitting on her ass, she does help out and she does discipline kids too. She tries to help out and she works full time very hard for our second income. So it's not like she's not aware of what's going on. It's just always been stressful and don't know if it'll ever change...
Everything has been said
Everything has been said before. It's nothing new. We have said what the expectations are...over and over and over and over. It's just there are so many of them and it's just so difficult...they don't seem to think about anything but what's going on with them at any given moment.