In my case, since SD treated the inlaws with the same disrespect she has shown to me, most of them want nothing to do with her. I do give blame to the situation that is caused when two people with children divorce. I blame both DH and BM because they led a child to believe she is smarter and better than anyone else, that rudeness and hatred has no consequences, that she is entitled, then left her powerless that she lashed out at the most vulnerable person available. I also blame myself for not doing a bit of 'research' before marrying DH, for blindly remaining in a relationship that was so emotionally distructive, for not having the courage to stand up for myself sooner. Of course, now that I HAVE learned to refuse to allow toxic people in my home or in my presence(including SD), now I have taught DH that I will not allow desrespectful behavior, now that I could give a rip what BM thinks of me, now that I have learned to stand up for myself, I waste no time in having a fun, rewarding life.
If it hadn't of been for MIL and SDIL I doubt SD would have been much of an issue. Triangulation is ugly. It was hard for DH to confront since they did when he wasn't around.
It really does seem like a lot of horrible SK/sm situations happen when there are three "grown" females ganging up on someone (usually sm). It's sad because that behavior should have ended once they graduated from high school.
There is always enough blame to go around, but IMO the majority of the blame goes to BM and her parents. Why? Because they raised BM to be the poster girl of an entitled princess. She got everything she ever wanted without lifting a finger. Her parents worked at least three jobs each as she was growing up, to give her the best things life could offer. They sacrificed themselves and lived frugally, investing their money until it became quite a pile. Unfortunately, the "best things in life" are not things, nor are they the most important. Had they spent more time with the BM when she was younger and imparted more of their life experience and VALUES to her, she would have turned out to be a different human being.
Instead, BM grabs at whatever shiny object appeals to her at the moment - and for some unknown reason, it tends to be uneducated, immigrant lawncare workers who are at least 20 years her junior!
Like a disease, not only did they infect their daughter/BM with entitlement but it has now manifested in the skids too. From the time they were tots, the g-parents told them they need not worry about a thing financially, nor work if they didn't want to - because they were going to be handed the pile the g-parents made. And they've been doling it out all along the way.
So there are two generations of "entitlement kids" now - and I am quite certain that if the money holds out there will be a third.
The BM and now even the SD use this largesse to lure men in their direction. My SO fell for it when he was young and impressionable and shame on him - that's his huge mistake. To be taken in by the expensive education (which has never been used as BM has never worked) houses, fancy cars, money, etc. and fall for it without considering what it would do not only to him as a man, but also to his children in the long run.
SD is doing the same thing as BM, buying love however she can. (Like when she was 16 she spent $500 in sports tickets as a birthday gift for her high school boyfriend at the time!) It appears most guys will gladly take her offerings but will eventually dump her. She does not know how to work at a real relationship because she is modeling after her mother.
Isn't that the truth!!! When we were first married DH even cried because he could not get up the courage to ask SD to give us a few minutes alone. That should have been the beginning of an annulment but I was just too afraid of going through another failed marriage. I think we put up with a lot because we don't want another divorce.
I place most of the blame directly on SD! DH did play a part and he admitted it but she is a GROWN WOMAN and makes her own choices now.
If she continues to be disrespectful and mean, it is noones fault but her own. If I defend myself and speak up that is MY RIGHT to do so. I will not play victim to her passive agressive ways anymore.
DH may have fueled the fire at times, but ultimately they are each at fault in their own way.
I blame sil for being a jealous insecure snob who has never progressed past a teenage mentality. Her obvious dislike and disrespect for me made it easy for dh's eldest daughter to carry on in the exact same fashion. I blame dh for not being able to manage his guilt and fear enough to truly be a father to his eldest daughter and raise her with compassion and kindness rather than the "victim syndrome" in which she feels entitled to act like a jerk with no accountability for her actions at all. I blame dh's eldest daughter who is now an adult and still can't step up to the plate and acknowledge how terribly out of line she has been for far too many years and how much of a huge, huge apology she owes so many people
In my case, since SD treated
In my case, since SD treated the inlaws with the same disrespect she has shown to me, most of them want nothing to do with her. I do give blame to the situation that is caused when two people with children divorce. I blame both DH and BM because they led a child to believe she is smarter and better than anyone else, that rudeness and hatred has no consequences, that she is entitled, then left her powerless that she lashed out at the most vulnerable person available. I also blame myself for not doing a bit of 'research' before marrying DH, for blindly remaining in a relationship that was so emotionally distructive, for not having the courage to stand up for myself sooner. Of course, now that I HAVE learned to refuse to allow toxic people in my home or in my presence(including SD), now I have taught DH that I will not allow desrespectful behavior, now that I could give a rip what BM thinks of me, now that I have learned to stand up for myself, I waste no time in having a fun, rewarding life.
If it hadn't of been for MIL
If it hadn't of been for MIL and SDIL I doubt SD would have been much of an issue. Triangulation is ugly. It was hard for DH to confront since they did when he wasn't around.
It really does seem like a
It really does seem like a lot of horrible SK/sm situations happen when there are three "grown" females ganging up on someone (usually sm). It's sad because that behavior should have ended once they graduated from high school.
Agreed, I am so glad to be
Agreed, I am so glad to be disengaged from it all!
There is always enough blame
There is always enough blame to go around, but IMO the majority of the blame goes to BM and her parents. Why? Because they raised BM to be the poster girl of an entitled princess. She got everything she ever wanted without lifting a finger. Her parents worked at least three jobs each as she was growing up, to give her the best things life could offer. They sacrificed themselves and lived frugally, investing their money until it became quite a pile. Unfortunately, the "best things in life" are not things, nor are they the most important. Had they spent more time with the BM when she was younger and imparted more of their life experience and VALUES to her, she would have turned out to be a different human being.
Instead, BM grabs at whatever shiny object appeals to her at the moment - and for some unknown reason, it tends to be uneducated, immigrant lawncare workers who are at least 20 years her junior!
Like a disease, not only did they infect their daughter/BM with entitlement but it has now manifested in the skids too. From the time they were tots, the g-parents told them they need not worry about a thing financially, nor work if they didn't want to - because they were going to be handed the pile the g-parents made. And they've been doling it out all along the way.
So there are two generations of "entitlement kids" now - and I am quite certain that if the money holds out there will be a third.
The BM and now even the SD use this largesse to lure men in their direction. My SO fell for it when he was young and impressionable and shame on him - that's his huge mistake. To be taken in by the expensive education (which has never been used as BM has never worked) houses, fancy cars, money, etc. and fall for it without considering what it would do not only to him as a man, but also to his children in the long run.
SD is doing the same thing as BM, buying love however she can. (Like when she was 16 she spent $500 in sports tickets as a birthday gift for her high school boyfriend at the time!) It appears most guys will gladly take her offerings but will eventually dump her. She does not know how to work at a real relationship because she is modeling after her mother.
I asign all the blame to DH.
I asign all the blame to DH. if he had any guts in parenting that was not guided by his guilt we would not be in this mess.
Isn't that the truth!!! When
Isn't that the truth!!! When we were first married DH even cried because he could not get up the courage to ask SD to give us a few minutes alone. That should have been the beginning of an annulment but I was just too afraid of going through another failed marriage. I think we put up with a lot because we don't want another divorce.
I place most of the blame
I place most of the blame directly on SD! DH did play a part and he admitted it but she is a GROWN WOMAN and makes her own choices now.
If she continues to be disrespectful and mean, it is noones fault but her own. If I defend myself and speak up that is MY RIGHT to do so. I will not play victim to her passive agressive ways anymore.
DH may have fueled the fire at times, but ultimately they are each at fault in their own way.
I blame sil for being a
I blame sil for being a jealous insecure snob who has never progressed past a teenage mentality. Her obvious dislike and disrespect for me made it easy for dh's eldest daughter to carry on in the exact same fashion. I blame dh for not being able to manage his guilt and fear enough to truly be a father to his eldest daughter and raise her with compassion and kindness rather than the "victim syndrome" in which she feels entitled to act like a jerk with no accountability for her actions at all. I blame dh's eldest daughter who is now an adult and still can't step up to the plate and acknowledge how terribly out of line she has been for far too many years and how much of a huge, huge apology she owes so many people