I can definitely sympathize with the teenage boy situation but from a different perspective. I had my own and he had several friends who had crappy parents so I basically had a house full of teenage boys at one point. I was literally stepping over them to get to work in the morning and would come home to a messed up house, filled with lazy, loud, rude kids. Other than the one, they weren't my kids. But I put up with them and got them through those hard years.

Teenager SUCK. They are very difficult and they seem to go out of their way to piss adults off.

The only way I got through that time was to find ways to make my life better in other ways and to realize this was temporary. All those kids, including my own, now thank me for putting up with them during that phase (they are now in their early 20s).

They finally understood it when I sent them packing to grow the hell up after high school. I would encourage you to remember that you are in the worst of it right now. But I also encourage you to try to change what you can. You don't have to put up with disrespect. I was too tired to fight back then but eventually did.

Is your wife on board with changing some things around your home? Sounds like you need some new boundaries for these older kids.

In my experience teenage boys can be particularly sullen and unrewarding. There are exceptions, but teens do tend to be horribly lazy, self absorbed, and cocky. I have often joked that they should be taken away to a large island when they hit 13 and brought back at 18 when the hormones start to calm down.

I know you're probably feeling you've wasted your time with them and are completely unappreciated, but unfortunately that selfishness and apparent ingratitude is par for the course and often nothing to do with the parent/stepparent. It's just that it's more frustrating and hurtful and harder to tolerate when you don't have the unconditional love of a parent. It also puts more pressure on your relationship because then you're thinking 'Is it great enough to make all this annoyance and frustration worthwhile?', and every problem or argument with your partner then also starts to tip the scales.

You loved your wife when you got together, you obviously cared enough for her children to put in the care and effort to help raise them. This is my advice:

1. The children are growing up. It's time to take stock and focus some time and attention on your relationship with your wife. You both need to invest some effort there because your relationship is what is going to carry you through the remaining years of teenage hell! Make time, go out together, maybe try a new hobby together or something.

2. If that house is crowded get out of it when you need to. Take a break, see friends. The teens are pulling away from you and their mother (well apart from SD19 unfortunately!), it's part of the phase, you should reassert some of your space and time as well. Like AnneB says, make your life better in other ways.

3. Get books on teenagers. They can help you to remain philosophical and keep a sense of perspective, rather than feeling you're alone in this with the most annoying teenagers in the world.

4. Try to come up with some occasional positive interaction with the teens to keep things together and maybe allow them to give you some glimpse that the children you once liked are still in there somewhere. Do a sport with them, take them to the movies, teach them how to do something. Otherwise it easily degenerates into constant negative interactions to do with annoyance and discipline.

5. Remain hopeful that one day they will turn into responsible pleasant human beings who look back and really appreciate the role you had in their lives.

Hope this helps.

My husband at one point a few years ago decided he didnt think he loved me anymore and decided to push me away. He asked for distance and then a divorce. Then I moved out. I dont know exactly what happened on his end but he decided he did not and could not live without me. So he begged me to come back. I tell you this because yes i took my husband back but it was not easy. It effects the kids and if you decide to leave you need to make sure it is what you want and there is no turning back when you have kids involved. Luckily my ss loves 7 hours away and didnt know what was going on. Although i think his mom may have said something because when dh and i have a little disagreement my ss asks me if I am ok and if daddy and i are getting divorced. He never asked that before. Some woman are not as forgiving. So please think long and hard before you make a decision. Its hard yes but the hard times will be over before you know it and you will think how did we get through that.