Why do we feel excluded when it comes to DH and SKs? I feel stupid for having felt like that.
And I feel that way because the reality is that the skids, when we had EOW, were there to see DH. Not me. They had no interest in seeing me and I think most kids feel that way.
So many of us here complain about feeling excluded. The reality is that these kids are not here to see us. They are here to see their dads. That's time when the kids and dads should be catching up. Not that we should be completely on the sidelines, but that's time the dad and kids need.
I think that if I had come to that realization earlier, things would have been better for everyone in my situation.
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I know they're not here for
I know they're not here for me.... it's still a little hard not to feel excluded though. I think its more about wanting DHs attention/time not as much as the skids attention. How long did it take you to not feel excluded? (I won't say how long did it take you to "realize", because I think we do realize, it just still feels like we're the third wheel at times)
It took me a couple of years.
It took me a couple of years. It didn't really happen until my counselor pointed it out to me- she said, "When you were going to visit your dad, were you going to visit your dad or your stepmother?" I responded that I was there to see my dad. She said, "exactly. And your skids are there to see their dad."
Yeah the kids are there to
Yeah the kids are there to see dad so why does dad get so pissed off when the SM makes other plans?
this weekend I made plans on
this weekend I made plans on my own and DH looked so disappointed, but at the same time he made plans with SD, so why does it work one way but not the other? At the same time, I think making "separate" plans only makes the divide between "them" and "me" only bigger. Its a balancing act.
Exactly. FDH and I had a
Exactly. FDH and I had a conversation about that Thursday night. He was watching a show with SD14 in the living room. I'd already seen it so I went to my office to hang out. He was upset that I didn't sit there with them. I explained I'd already seen it. He said he had too but just wanted to be with SD. I said, "I get that you just want to be with her. I am not her mother. It is not entertaining for me to sit there and watch something I've already seen. I don't miss her like you do. Staring at her pretty face watching TV is not my idea of a fun night". He seriously does not get it.
This is the exact struggle
This is the exact struggle I'm having right now. And it is sucking the life out of me. SO doesn't even want me to refer to myself as a stepparent because I don't do any parenting of SS16. And I take no I interest in SS16. I struggle taking an interest in him, big struggle. It's just so awkward and uncomfortable with SS16.