Nymh's picture

Child Support Question - Paying Too Much

I have a question. My BF, according to the calculations of the court and lawyers, is obligated to pay a certain amount of child support (of course, we all are). His divorce was a very stressful time for him and he threw everything he could in to try to get it over with and her to sign the papers as soon as possible. One of the things that he included was paying about three times as much child support per month than he was originally supposed to.

We just can't afford this payment. Not only is it far too high to be considered reasonable, it's just not possible. On top of that, she had it stuck in there that he has to pay an extra amount per month to make up for the months that they were seperated before the divorce. I personally find this ridiculous to begin with because BF gave her money on occasion before their divorce but they had been seperated for years and she managed to pay all the bills and raise the child just fine on her own and without this ridiculous monthly payment.

What can I do to try to get this payment reduced? Does the fact that he originally agreed to pay this absurd amount make him ineligible for a decrease?

Candice's picture

Hire an attorney or...

contact your state's registry for a review. In WA state, dshs manages cs calculations and garnishs paycheck for all employees that are obligated for cs. And from my understanding...no, just b/c your bf orginally agreed to this amount doesn't mean he is obligated for life.

I think the best bet is for an attorney to review his divorce papers to determine what was actually agreed upon. Unless he agreed to alimony...than the extra money he agreed to pay can be changed. And cs is based on a calculation of both incomes of bioparents and how many additional child they are obligated to support, not what parents want, and it is subject to change for certain reasons.

If your state doesn't have a registry or an agency like WA, then contact local district attorney's office (child support enforcement office), and see if they help review and re-establish cs orders, and if they don't they can point you in the right direction.

Good luck...

justafew's picture

What if they were never

What if they were never married? So then there are no divorce papers. This is really confusing, can you explain it more to me?

My fiance is paying more then 50% of his montly income for child support... He's new to this and so am I.

new evil stepmom's picture

does anyone know about this one?

I have a few questions on child support in WI.

If a father pays 17% of his income, is it just 17% of his 40 hours per week or do they take it from overtime too?

If the father is laid off, is the 17% then taken from the unemployment benefits?

In WI unemployment is only $350/week, so his child support payment would only be $59.50/week?

SM#1's picture

Overtime is included

My H works mandatory overtime...it is included. They ask the employer what the average overtime is, and how much it is (time and a half).

If the father is laid off you have to put in for a change in circumstances. They may or may not change his total due for CS....depends on the jusge. He may want to get a letter from the employer on an estimated time frame. Believe me they have no problem taking most of the unemployment income. My H was payng 50% of his unemployment check for CS for over 1 year! This was before I had meet him, I would have fought it.

Catlover's picture

I'm in WI

CS is taken out of total income in WI (base, commission, overtime, etc). If your DH get's laid off, then he will have the 17% of the unemployment. Be careful here though, as sometimes the court will base CS on DH's capable income if the BM requests it(what he could be earning), and anything that he's not paying out of unemployment may put him into owing the extra in arrears.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

Anonymous's picture

Me and my husband have 3

Me and my husband have 3 children together and he has 2 children from a previous relationship. They were never married, I don't know if this makes a difference. But he got laid off from his job and has to pay child support out of his unemployment benefits. His gross is only 324.00 a week and child support is 135.11 leaving us with 188.89 a week. I am not working, my children are too young and I also home school. His childrens mother is married and she has been working full time for the last 2 years and her husband has a job working for general motors in michigan. Her income alone, is more than my husband's unemployment check. She also has 2 other children and her husband has 1. A total of 5 children in their household. We just recently moved from Michigan and relocated to Tennessee, He is trying to land him a good job where this payment would not be an issue. In the mean time, our entire income tax was taken because he had gotten behind a few months last year. Their should have been something left over from our income taxes but their was nothing. He even got another bill in the mail with payment coupons for an $8,000.00 commitment for 378.00 a month. I have no idea who contact for this. It looks like a mistake. Maybe one of her other children were billed to him. How do I get this information to find out what this $8,000.00 is for and how can we lower these payments, being that we just relocated to another state? Someone please help, he will not even contact the friend of court, every time he would contact them in the past they would say he's not paying enough or it will cost him court fees if he wants to lower his payment. It seems as if he has given up and accepted this and I am not sure if they will speak with me because I am the wife.HELP

Little Jo's picture

Oh, Oh, I'm doing this right now !!!

My BF did the exact same thing. The bitch would get the divorce unless he paid more than the law allows. That was in September. Bm & BF agreed that by law, child support amount would get adjusted annually at tax time.

Well two weeks ago BF pulled the plug on the additional 100 a week. She got super pissy about it and the last 2 weeks has given him reciepts saying, 250 of the 350 court ordered amount. Screw that.
So I called the court house and got the proper forms in the mail today that we need to fill out and file. No Cost. No lawyer needed.

The law is the law as described by the child support act. It's a simple formula.

I hate that some of these bitches that think 'HE' has to pay through the nose because 'HE' woke up and smelted the rot that eminates from 'their' exsistance.

Call the local family court house in the County the children reside in.

Keep us posted. Jo

"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin

step_mom34's picture

i completely agree


It is so nice to hear someone else say exactly what I have been thinking for the last several years. These ex-wives who expect the world handed to them on a silver platter from their ex husbands give women a bad name.We are all grown adults and women can do as much as men, so why not go out and earn the money themselves? All this "you owe me" crap is enough to make me choke.

OldTimer's picture

You know...

I don't know, but our attorney cranked out our numbers using the 'standard' calculations that are 'supposed' to be used, but when DH went in for the custody support, they found out that DCS uses their own calculations... how in the hell does that happen?!?! I mean, isn't there suppose to be a 'standard' calculator that EVERYONE uses? Because, according to DCS, they are requesting that DH pay $1000/month... when we calculated 700-800/month. I don't get that.

Eye-wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

OldTimer Eye-wink
"Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow."

Anonymous's picture

same issue

We have a big problem with my husbands ex! She has tried to make our life hell well finally i had enough and i took out a warrant against her for threating to kill me! anyway to pay us back she went to a lawyer to get higher child support and back health care and daycare which is all paid for by the state and in 2004 my husband was told that he could claim his son for eic by her and know she is try to get this money back as well what do we do! I am pregnant and we are broke can she really get all of this money???

Lisa Frances's picture

Mothers pay child support too..................

It's not always the men who pay child support. I have 2 bio kids (and 2 step kids). My Ex husband hits me up for child support for our 17yr old - $700 Aust. dollars a month, while I have worked my ass off to support our other child who lives with me. He sits on his butt and is a 'professional student' while I keep paying and paying and paying. Never got a cent from him. Sure I could quit working and not have to pay him. But I have a nice lifestyle to support too. I have no problem contributing for my son, but being taken for a financial ride is another matter.

Smiling Just keep smiling......................

Smiling Just keep smiling......................

Lisa Frances's picture

Mothers pay child support too..................

It's not always the men who pay child support. I have 2 bio kids (and 2 step kids). My Ex husband hits me up for child support for our 17yr old - $700 Aust. dollars a month, while I have worked my ass off to support our other child who lives with me. He sits on his butt and is a 'professional student' while I keep paying and paying and paying. Never got a cent from him. Sure I could quit working and not have to pay him. But I have a nice lifestyle to support too. I have no problem contributing for my son, but being taken for a financial ride is another matter.

Smiling Just keep smiling......................

Smiling Just keep smiling......................

stepmom2one's picture

Oh man that bites

at least she is 17 and will be 18 soon enough. Not to much longer to go.

Dona's picture

Not only....

is my BF paying child support, but he gets his kids 3 times of week instead of the once a week agreement that the BM made him agree to in court. Not only does he pay th emonthly support, but he pays for everythiong else for them. The BM always dumps the kids on him when they have a birthday party to go to, special trips, doctor appointments etc... When Bm has the kids, it has happened that she takes them shopping and then she sends my BF an email asking for him to pay 1/2 of the bill. He always agrees because he's afraid that he won't see the kids again.

I told him he needs to go to court and have the visitation dates changed to his favor because he really wants the kids full time. But the BM is thinking about it and her question to him was "will I still get the same finmancial benefits"? I was so pissed that he agreed to that because kids should not have a price tag on them.

I am divorced and have no kids, the only thing I received from my divorce was a empty bank account. I had to split everythign in 1/2 and because in 12 years I truste dhim with everything and my great paycheck, he was able to put aside lots of money and I had no way of getting it back.

The court system needs to be fair to hostes DH because not everyone out there is a bad father. My BF adores his kids and does averything for them.

The BM knows that I have a great job even if in another state and she's trying to get as much out of him as possible with the excuse of the kids.

What pisses me off the most is that my BF doesn't stand up to her.

Sebbie's picture

We are the opposite Dona.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
My dh pays $12OO.OO a month for 1 child....this was awarded to bm in the state of Georgia..not based on what was his current income, but based on his previous earning potentials!!!!At the time, dh was on unemployment because his soon to be ex sent an annonoymous letter to his employer saying he was doing drugs...to top it off bm had him arrested for Domestic Violence(misdeamenor) however, that b.s charge( bm even ADMITTED, after dh was found guilty, to dh mother that she lied about dh hitting her, as this charge was made the night he packed his bags and left her after finding about an affair she had on him with his bestfriend/next door neighbor, and she was angry) has kept dh from obtaining employment in his previous higher earning field(as background checks are required to obtain employment in his previous field)...so dh has been having to pay this outrageous c.s payment on half the earnings he had before their divorce, because the judge felt dh still had the ability to earn this same income....NOT!!!!. Thankful we are on our way back to court(bm just got served papers last week)to get this b.s amount lowered..(that is if we do not get custody of ss, which we are seeking as bm has withheld visitation for almost 2 years, all the while recieving childsupport and taking trips out to California ect.)No woman, who by the way is a middle school teacher, NEEDS 1200.00 a month extra to support one child!!!! Maybe half of that is all she utelizes for ss....the rest is undoubtably her play money!

Dona's picture

BM'S play money...

BM'S play money is the correct terminology for some child support situations. For most BM's that I know use the money for themselves rather than the kids.

There should be a fair law for both divorced parties. My BF's ex has a great job and earns her own money. Don't see why she needs extra when he's paying for everything for the kids.

Have a great day.

sixxnguns's picture

tell me about it

BM gets child support but spends not one penny on FSS...he comes here in clothes too small for him, his underwear are so small they're starting to pinch his legs! But she won't buy him anything! But she's wearing $100 Merrells and clothes from the mall while her son is wearing clothes that don't fit him...we'd buy him new clothes but since we pay her every month to buy new clothes and party with her friends we can't pay our own bills and I have to get another job just to make ends meet...it's just not fair..and I think in these situations like this these BM's should have to report what they're spending the CS on!

Mocha2001's picture

Usually Fair

I believe if everyone is honest (I know wishful thinking) in Washington State that child support is calculated fairly. Sometimes they will use imputed income (what minimum wage would be if you had a job) if you haven't been working, or earning ability if you have a long history of making a certain amount.

But in general the court takes the partys' combined incomes, divides it by their individual incomes and comes up with each party's percentage of the combined household income. Then, however they come up with their statutory figure for how much it woudl cost to raise a child based on the parties combined household income, each party pays their percentage of what the state feels it costs to raise a child.

Let's keep it simple ... combined household income is $1000. State says it costs $100 to raise a child when the parties make $1000 per month. Dad makes $600 per month and mom makes $400 per month. Dad's percentage would be 60% and mom's 40%; therefore, dad pays $60 of the child support (or 60%) and mom is responsible for contributing (in theory) $400 (or 40%). These percentages are then carried over into extraordinary expenses: sports, activity fees, extra medical expenses, etc.

All in all I think Washington State's THEORY is fair. It's statutory so it isn't subject to much interpretation.

~ Katrina

~ Katrina

Dona's picture

That sounds fair......

if both parents work they should contribute to all activities and not a one way thing. Dad pays for child support, gets the kids all of the time and pays for all activities etc... BM goes on vacation and has her hobbies and keeps all of ther paycheck for herself.

Kids always bring over dirty laundry no matter how much time they spent at BM house (one week, two weeks, etc...). BF should put his foot down and go back to court.

WHAT_THE_HECK's picture

New York - unfair

My H has to pay for 2 kids....and in NY it is until the age of 21. It is not a fair split at all, we pay the ex-wife almost $4k a month now for 2 kids, and can barely afford our home now.

Sebbie's picture

In Georgia, where the original order was made,

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
the courts only take into account the NCP income, and the status the cp(often the mothers) were living when with the fathers, and they attempt to keep the mothers and children in that same status, what the mothers income is is not an issue. However, bm moved to Florida where we are seeking the modifications and custody change, and Florida is much like you described Washington Mocha...so we are extremely hopeful in the outcome we will get. Btw, dh and bm will be ordered to do a meditation before we get a court date. DH says that the courts are wasting their time with a mediation as he IS NOT budging on one thing he is asking for. His attorney says she is ok with that as she feels nothing he is seeking is unreasonable, but he still has to go to mediation first, then he gets a court date.Wish ours was moving as quickly as yours Mocha.

Mocha2001's picture

Mediation ...

Tomorrow's the Day S. ... keep your fingers crossed for us.

Mediation is mandatory in our state before any trial dates. However, we have a provision that also allows only for court ordered modifications to anything if the parties cannot agree - we asked for that last time, and got it, so we shouldn't have to go to mediation.

I'd tell your DH to find small ways that he IS willing to compromise. It will save money in the long run, AND ... just might be in the kids' best interests. The compromises don't have to be anything MAJOR at all, just to think of things he could live without ...

~ Katrina

~ Katrina

Anne Summers's picture


In my state is not worth the time, the money or the paper it is written on. No matter if both parties come to an agreement---if there is no court order stating mediation resolution then the whole thing is out the window. If it never makes it to a court order then one party disagrees for whatever reason then mediation is null and void---and can't even be brought up in court?!?! How silly is that???

Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat.

Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat.

helpless in the south's picture

so angry

I'm sure I'm going through nothing new. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the anger and helplessness my husband's ex is causing. I really just want her to disappear.

We have been married for nine years, and live with my son from a first marriage. My sd comes every other weekend for visitation. She's a great kid and everyone gets along well.

This summer, my husband's ex decided she wanted more cs so she took him back to court. Around the same time, my sd decided she wants to come live with us (she's 12) but bm won't consider it because (I am sure) she wants the money. She assumes my husband put his daughter up to this because of the cs, but he would never do that. BM travels half the month and leaves my sd with her husband. They do nothing for the kid. She sits in front of the television all week long. She's lonely and bored, but bm won't consider losing cs money. Now she's quit her job and stays at home on the cs check while I work. We are still in proceedings over the new cs but we know it will be increasing, just not how much.

Sometimes it's just really hard to feel so out of control. I feel like we are being punished and it's not fair. We take this kid everywhere and really enjoy being with her. Now we won't be able to afford to take her places, but her bm will have another new car and fake tan. I want to kick something. How do I resign myself to this?

Rebecca2's picture

Amount of Child Support

I am curious. In the state of Illinois, cs is 28% for 2 children. We try very hard to make sure that everything gets paid on time. My husband had an accident this year and was out of work for over 6 months. During that time the company messed up the cs payments, besides the fact that he was down to 60% of his original salary. We had more than a difficult time trying to make ends meet, and pay the cs.

During this time the BM decided to go for an increase in cs. Since she did not fill out the paperwork properly, the court denied it.

But, now...because of all the problems with the cs and the job (the cs gets paid right from his paycheck), we are getting threatening letters from the cs agency saying pay up or lose your drivers license and any certifications you have have acquired.

We don't have the money. We can barely pay the bills. We have been in constant touch with the cs agency to make sure that they know we are trying...but now this???

I am overwhelmed and very upset. My husband and I are not bad people. We've just had a really hard time financially this year. Why are we made out to be the bad guys?

Another question that has been bothering me. CS is something that is supposed to HELP support the child, not totally support the child. So, my question here is this...does it take a normal family 56% of their income to raise 2 children? If so, then the 28% is justified...but, I find it hard to believe that it does.

So, what gives??? How can the situation be resolved. We want to help support the kids, after all, they are his...but shouldn't the residential parent have to kick in too?

Okay, enough venting for now....

exwife's picture

amount of child support

As I read your comments, I began to think you sound like my ex. Chid support is for the children. It is to be used for their well being. But I agree to many times it is not always used for them. If you want to know what gives - then pease take into consideration that you married to a man who has children by another woman, not all exwives are out to personally destroy you financially. "So, what gives??? How can the situation be resolved. We want to help support the kids, after all, they are his...but shouldn't the residential parent have to kick in too?"

If you want to support the kids, realize that you are with him and as you put it after all, they are his. I understand your frustration but please think about the other side of the coin; and how you would feel, if you were not able to get what the kids needed. Even if you are working and the present MRS. is so obsessed with "his" children, that she has to share "his" income with.

stepmom2one's picture

I don't think that

she was saying she didn't need to pay anything. She was merely saying it does not take 56% of total income to raise two kids. And it DOESN'T. If that were true we would all live out of a box.

new evil stepmom's picture

in wisconsin

we have 50/50 and the court has a formula they minus bm's income form bf's income and then rate his cs percentage from the difference. you might want to look into that in illinois and see if they have anything like that. before bf found a good attorney he was paying 17% ($1200/month for one child) 6 years ago, he now only pays 8.5% (approx. $386/month) after finding a great attorney.

Elizabeth's picture

Child support is a mess

My husband and BM have "equal" custody of SD. However, BM moved to another city and left SD with us 4 years ago. But, she won't sign a modification to the custody agreement, so the divorce order stands. Luckily, we don't pay CS, but we have the child more than 75 percent of the time so I feel BM should pay. In addition, we had to buy a bigger house (unless I wanted our bio-children to share a tiny room and SD to have her own room). So higher utilities, etc. Plus, we pay ALL of SD's medical bills, daycare expenses, activity fees, etc. What makes me even madder is that when BM has SD, she expects us to pay half of all expenses (acitivies, medical, etc.). Wish we could go after her for child support, but husband doesn't want to "rock the boat." Ugh.

new evil stepmom's picture

i don't know

what states you live in, but in wisconsin you can petition (not sure if this is the correct term) a mediation to determine if you can procede to a court hearing to change placement/cs. if you can do this where you all come from, erinjb1 should be able to lower cs and elizabeth should be able to get cs from bm.

Anonymous's picture

The whole child support thing needs to be changed

My husband pays a ridiculous amount for child support. According to our lovely state, they say based on what he makes currently he should pay more. Well we have 3 together and 1 on the way- he has to make that much in order to support his other kids, pay the bills and pay the witch her money. She decided after she had her daughter that she was going to stay at home (she is remarried) so she can do all her activities with her friends during the day. Her daughter goes full time to pre school, so it is not like she is staying home to save on day care expenses. I can't afford day care for all of my children, so I am a stay at home mom. I think that the courts should take child support as a case by case basis, it should be calculated accordingly to the situations. and it should be adjusted down once the child is a teenager. Everything is so lop sided- and one parent ends up paying a lot more than the other. In our case we pay totally for our step son, she doesn't work (by choice), so she isn't contributing anything financially to their son.I feel that because of some dead beat parents the ones paying child support are paying through the nose. It would be totally different to pay a higher amount if the mother was a stay at home mother and has to go out and find a job,etc.. but this should only be for no longer than a year. I thought that is what alimony was originated for. it just seems like the courts have just gone the wrong way when deciding on financial issues.

ReluctantStepMom's picture

How difficult is it to change support amount?

Anyone have any difficulty getting the BF's cs order changed back to the original order (the original was about $80 per week)?

My husband of 2 years is paying 40% of his already meager salary (about $650) for support of one child, which means I have to pay about 85% of our bills. This, needless to say, sucks.

He agreed to this, because he owed some back child support (due to a low-paying job he had for a few years).
BUT - the BM agreed to this lowered amount at the time. And to top it off, the lazy sh*t hasn't worked for at least 6 years, and is not likely to get a job, nor does BF want her to get a job, due to the likelihood he'd have to pay 50% child care (that I guess I can agree with).

Basically she's just living off the men in her life, which my mother taught me was absolutely a no-no (I guess we're sort of feminists in that regard...I refuse to be supported by a man and will always work if I have the ability).

I have no prob with women who want to be full-time moms, but on the other hand I work with plenty of women who are great moms with multiple kids and work full or part-time. It just gets under my skin.

After we got married, BM had a new kid with her new husband, then got pissed off that we bought a pet (which my SK adores and which I freakin' paid for! jeez!), continued to call and yell at BF and finally out of exasperation he just told her to take him to court and be done with it. She wrote a completely nasty letter to the FOC saying that BF 'never' paid 'any' of the original order (completely untrue), and also that the child had 'autism' (it was actually diagnosis of Aspergers which one year later was changed to a diagnosis of ADHD.) I know Aspergers is technically a form of autism, but it still pissed me off that that was the terminology she chose to use.

I think it's disgusting that she used her own kid's health issues to make her appear to be some poor, tramped on ex-wife who has no other support.

When judge called her out on the back support owed, asking how many years he owed, she could not come up with a figure (thank God...) and he immediately shot her down, saying that if no figure was available and no evidence was available, then she couldn't claim that amount.
Is this generally true?

We are stuck with this stupid arrangement (which he now, duh, realizes was too much for him) for 2 more years.

The particular state I live in is notorious for being very difficult to have these orders changed, so I am freaking out even though it's 2 years away.
(I'm sure the BM will be thrilled to also learn we're considering buying a home soon, since the market is so geared to buyers where we are right now. I personally am terrified that she will not back down to the original amount in 2 years).

If I find out she hasn't saved a dime for her daughter's future educational needs, I am going to scream, but everytime the SK comes over they have new clothes, they go to an expensive salon, etc.

Just ranting, but anyone else scared of their own similar situation?

new evil stepmom's picture

we can't buy anything...

if we do, bm takes dh back to court for more cs. so far it hasn't gone up, but we are soon in court again. we are meeting with our lawyer on monday to see when the actual court date will be. since I have been in this family, she took us to court when I bought my condo (bought it before marriage) and I just bought my husband a brand new harley davidson, so she is taking us back to court. I wanted a new mustang, but the lawyer fees are getting high. When we buy stuff, I make sure it is all in my name, then it isn't considered his asset at least that is how it works in wisconsin.

MelanieRN's picture

NC Family courts SUCK too!Hope this helps someone.....

Ok, so this could be longer,I shortened it as much as possible. Hopefully it will help someone or maybe even myself.

My husband's ex wife was cheating with her boss and when she kicked him out of the house, she put in the separation agreement that they would have joint custody and no child support. Within 9 months she was able to get a restraining order (by telling lies in court) and keep the child away from his father for 4 months (even when the judge said to keep the schedule they were on until they could get a custody order), she wouldn't even answer the phone and let my husband talk to his son. She tricked him into signing custody papers in order for her to let him see their son, which underhandedly gave her custody. To make matters worse, she was able factor in daycare, and insurance on the child support which led to the judge ordering a massive amount of arrearrage(remember the sep. agreement? NO child support)as well as 40% of his paycheck every two weeks plus we end up paying an extra amount at the end of the month to make up the difference, because 40% of his income won't cover what the judge ordered.
At the time of the original order, she had their son on his own insurance which was really high. (She refused to let my husband add him to our insurance- she wouldn't give him his son's SS#!) One week after the judge ordered that ridiculous amount of child support, she added her son to her new husband's insurance (which is less than half the cost). And,yes, we've had attorneys and I've spent thousands of dollars trying to get this fixed.
Recently while my husband was out of a job for two months, his attorney filed for modification in hopes to get the amount to actually equal my husbands' previous income, as it SHOULD have to begin with.
This all should have been factored in when we went back to court, however, when she found out my husband's attorney had filed for modification, she decided to have her attorney file a contempt motion for the 832 bucks he had gotten behind on while out of work. She even managed to have his court date continued so that the modification and contempt could be tried together. No kidding, that bastard judge didn't modify anything. He left the payments, even with that insurance change as well as his daycare costs had dropped! To top if off, he ordered CRIMINAL CONTEMPT on my husband for failure to comply with a child support order (when he was out of work!) and had him ARRESTED IN THE COURT ROOM AND TAKEN DOWN TO A HOLDING CELL! He ordered $750.00 or 30 days in jail. CRAZY! Yes, I paid the money Smiling Keep in mind that my husband is halfway finished with school to become a cop. This kinda stuff doesn't really look that good, but hey it happens to the best of us. I can only imagine how bad things could get. She will stop at nothing to ruin him. She has his son, 3/4 of his income, and if she can find anything else, she'll take that too.
Oh, I failed to mention that, to your face, she is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. She tattles to her attorney and gets her to do the dirty work. The ex is a %100 victim to everything, yeah one of those types!
What's going on right now? The ex wouldn't shut up about having her attorney fees paid. Our attorney said he didn't think it was ordered as well as it wasn't listed in the signed order. Her attorney sent us an amendment motion to agree to pay the fees. Of course, my husband wouldn't agree to it. When he called the clerk's office, the lady there listened to the recording from court that day, and said the judge did in fact order my husband to pay her attorney fees. So the witch gets another $1,000.00 by feb. 1st.
CRAZY but very true.....One of my New Year's resolutions is to go back to therapy!!!!!! I myself am a 29yr old widow (1st marriage) with three small children (1st marriage), so this really sucks the life outta me. It's just too much to deal with. I've researched and read everything I can think of, talked to friends and family that don't want to hear it, prayed, cried, but nothing will alleviate the pain she causes to my husband and our family. Sorry, but the only advice I have to give to any of you is PLAN VERY VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU GET DIVORCED, THEN BE READY TO ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. FAMILY COURT JUDGES OBVIOUSLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE WELL BEING OF ANY CHILD OR THEY WOULDN'T SIT BACK AND ALLOW SUCH RIDICULOUS THINGS TO HAPPEN IN THEIR COURTROOMS. IT'S SO SAD. WHAT GOOD IS ANY PARENT WHO HAS BEEN ORDERED TO PAY SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT THAT THEY LOSE EVERYTHING, WHILE THE OTHER PARENT SITS THERE WITH BASICALLY 3 INCOMES? THESE CHILDREN WILL BE OUR NEXT GENERATION. WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE TEACH THEM WELL;

Us? We'll be just fine. It's just a little money, right?

Melanie, NC

Anne Summers's picture


In our state CS is calculated with different factors:

1. Custody---
This can be full custody for either parent, joint custody 50/50 or SHARED custody, which means the SKid(s) have a minimum of 109 overnight stays w/ NCP.

2. BOTH parents' incomes---
If one or both parents have NO income then they are calculated using a minimum income potential. This helps so parents don't sit on their duffs hoping to get more CS.

3. Alimony---
Between these two parents.

4. Other CS payments---
Other CS payments either parent makes where the court order takes precendence over this order.

5. Other Children---
Other children, natural or adopted, living in the home with either parent.

6. Additional Expenses---
Paid by each parent for the child(ren). This usually is for health insurance premiums (for child percentage only), extraordinary medical expenses and/or work-related childcare expenses.

7. Total number of Children---
The total number of children being supported by CS.

There are good and bad points in my state. One wonderful thing is taking into account BOTH parents incomes. Another good thing is SHARED custody---that over 109 overnight stays with NCP. You see the calculations will take into account how many days CP & NCP have child(ren). Say for instance if NCP has child for 150 days then the court sees this as NCP is paying for 150 days worth of expenses for child. This helps alot in cases with shared custody b/c CS comes down dramatically. In SC it is assumed that CS takes care of ALL expenses the CP needs help with. So all those daycare, medical & whatever expenses are not separate expenses for NCP---all of it is in CS. Smiling

Here is the link to SC CS calculator (maybe it can help some of you)--

"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat." Smiling

Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat.

krazstepmm's picture


My H ex wife drains us in child support and spousal support! She gets 1500/month for the kids and 2000/month for her lousy self.Its so dang ridiculous! We barely have enough money to pay our own bills and take care of the three month old baby girl we have together!! We have not seen his youngest with her since Septmber because the mother and grandmother and aunt tell her she doesnt have to cone if she doesnt want to. SHE IS FOUR!! She barely knows her daddy because they divorced when she was two, so of course she is going to choose not to come!And we have to have supervised visits with her on top of that with the aunt becuse thats what the court ordered becuase she was so young when the divorce happened. The BM GM and Aunt are always bad mouthing me and my H to the kids and the oldest SD12 tells us everything!i just hope we can get her for contempt for not letting us see the youngest!!
Anybody have any advice? we have a lawyer

krazstepmm's picture

can totally relate as well

the B**** is constantly dragging us to court for contempt in child spport or contempt in Spousal support...plus guess who gets stuck with attorneys fees? US!! I hate ex wives who cant take responsibility for themselves and expect us to support them, even though they have a damn job and go spend the money we give her on herself, obviously not the kids, because they constantly are wearing old raggidy ugly clothes, and she makes sure she wears the latest fashion, has her hair done, and so on!! I just want to scream sometimes, and when the B**** comes out of the court room smiling at me like she got everything she wanted, I just want to come un glued. They might have to put me in a holding cell one of these days!! And her sister on top of that goes with her everytime and stares me down.. they are both so damn ugly, I am just lucky i dont have to look at them all the time! I am really a nice person, but when it comes to them, I swear the mean in me comes out!! I wish they never existed!! Our lives would be so much easier!

momwithoutthekids's picture

I'm the absent MOM.

I think the support office really makes worse on mothers paying support.I had a really great job a year ago,( I had to move around alot with the company which is why I felt it was best my ex have the kids, so that they weren't constantly being uprooted) but since have lost it. Child support refuses to change my payments to meet my wage. I'm currently only making minimum wage, although I will be starting another job next week. They had taken so much money out of my last check at my last job, out of my piddly $378 gross I was only able to take home $33. I have no money to eat, can't pay my rent and my phone is going to be turned off. I am completely stressed, How can I pay support if I can't eat and am homeless? I don't believe I shouldn't support my kids, this isn't the issue at all, I've never fallen behind on my support... I just want to be able to live too. I'm worried, because while I'm getting ready to start a new job, for the first 6 weeks of training I'm not paid at all, they steipen me $30 a day for food... if they take the current amount of support, I will not have money to eat for 6 weeks... is there anything I can do?

toomuch$$$$'s picture

Tell someone how it is for NCP's

This is happening to millions of men, but nobody will listen to them. Becasue you are a female, if you tell a newpaper or radio show or some media outlet about your story, they just might print it. And maybe people will start to HEAR the millions of men without thinking they are lying when they tell similar stories.

kk's picture

Child Support

When my husbands ex wife had custody of their daughter he had to pay $550.00 a month. When she moved out of the state he got custody of their daughter and she wouldn't sign over custody unless she was able to pay $100.00 a month. Last year his ex took his daughter after he allowed her to go with her mother for 4 months. He filed a police report. After that he agreed with his ex wife to allow their daughter to stay until the end of the school year. Just recently his ex wife filed for custody and child support. Their daughter is 16 and will be 17 in Nov. She wants to live with her mother. Is it possible for him to pay $100.00 a month too? He has two other children ages 6 and 3months and also has to take care of me because I'm not working. How can we prove that his ex is all about the money, because when he had custody of their daughter she never came to visit in fact she was able to take trips out of the country more than once a year. Also she has two B.S. degrees and possibly makes more.

3steppin''s picture

Sick & Tired

Oh my... I wish all of you could come with me to court next week! We all seem to share the same horrible ex-wife! Ours also has a job that pays over $40k/yr, plus $2k/month in CS (by the way, is anyone else bothered that the payor has to pay taxes, but the b-tch, I mean, payee, gets the money free & clear??). Ex also got a substantial sum at the time of the divorce, but, as she has always been pitifully irresponsible w/money, she sank it all into a crappy little house in an area that the houses are probably priced 50% higher than what they are worth. Goes on vacations, goes out to eat/to bars almost every day, spends money like water, etc, on herself. But, like a lot of you, the kids are wearing pants that are too short and grubby, nasty t-shirts. She also bought a brand new car, after telling my husband that she was almost bankrupt. In addition to all of this lovely stuff, she is brainwashing the kids against my DH to the point that he no longer sees his oldest child. The younger 2 are being pulled in that same direction. And, of course, the b-tch wants more money. That has been her obsession for the last 7 years... No matter that my DH pays for clothes, haircuts, school supplies, camp, afterschool care, extracurriculars (ie. sports), tons of other incidentals. He NEVER asks her for her share, but if that silly b-tch spends $30 on the kids, she tells him he owes her 70%. We are going to court for visitation, but she's trying to also make it into a money thing & get CS raised, plus, asking for "back pay" for what she thinks he "should" be paying. The scary thing is, even though we have all kinds of e-mails that show he's tried to get her to do what they are supposed to do (according to divorce decree), she is GREAT at playing the victim, doing her phoney smile and manipulating the sh-t out of just about anyone. I'm hoping & praying that the judge sees through it, but I'm really scared that he won't. The dummy doesn't even have a home phone (b/c she's too cheap) and won't allow the kids to talk to DH on her cell, but when we gave the kids a cell, she stole it. Nice huh?

krispy_8's picture


Yes I am extremely bothered that we pay taxes on CS and yet she doesn't have to claim it as income. We don't have any children together so we get screwed every year. My DH had a fool for a lawyer and there's nothing in the DD about alternating years on claiming SS on taxes. We asked BM this past year if we could claim SS and she used the excuse that she just had a baby and had tons of medical bills. She said she couldn't afford it. We'll see what she has to say this year because we WILL ask again. My DH is afraid to go back to a lawyer because he's afraid that he'll have to pay more CS if she tries to go after us.

mandy21's picture

my husband pays too much childsupport

my husband is paying childsupport and one child, at 350 a month. Me, the step mother is going to school to make a life for my family. My husband only brings home 350 a week. We live with my mother, because we can't afford to get out on our own. He also has 2 other children from another relationship. we do get childsupport on them but it's only 200 for both children. I don't understand how we pay so much more and don't receive much. the mother hasn't had anything to do with her children and wants to give her rights up. I the step mother have been raising her children for 5 years. I am only 21 years old and with their mother would take responsibility for her children too. by the way we haven't received any money from her and she still doesn't serve any jail time. This is a very complicated situation, but I love my husband and my daughter and his children. So that's why I deal with it.All I want to know if you think it is right for my husband to pay so much more for one child and her pay so littel for 2, and what would you do in my situation, by the way me and the children are in therapy.

Biavle Sohse's picture

Lots of comments on this

Lots of comments on this one. He should never give her money (handouts). If she needs something for the clild/children, have him buy the things so it undoubtedly goes to the child(s).

Life is a bunch of honey

Rags's picture

It goes both ways.

My Lovely Bride (for 14+ yrs) gets CS from BioDad. For the first 10 years he paid only US$130.00/Mo. The Judge limited his CS obligation at the first hearing due to "The step dad makes a good living and BioDad should not be penalized by having to support an artificially elevated life style for the child". BioDad does not even pay his own CS, the SpermDonial GrandParents pay it for him. LOSER!

During the early 2000's SemiConductor bust I was RIF'd from my job and went on Unemployment for nearly a year. I pushed my Wife to file for an amendment of support and CS was raised from $130/Mo to $380/Mo. Based on BioDad's income applied to the calculator it should have been ~$600/Mo but once again the Judge ruled that since my historic income levels were significant that BioDad should not be penalized because my SS lives an "artificially elevated" lifestyle.???????? WTF is that?

So, it is not only the vulture BM's that screw with the system it is also loser NCP's.

The good news is this, last night SpermGrandMa called requesting that my wife over night a check to her for half of the upcoming spring visitation air fare. My wife said sure. Today she printed out the spread sheet that details how much BioDad owes us in un covered medical expenses (he owes hald of all uncovered Med expenses) deducting our half of the air fare from the outstanding balance. Now SpermGrandMa was whining about how broke they are and how much they need the money for the plane tickets. Waaaaaah!

I love having the advantage in this situation finally. BioDad has been playing the system the whole time and milking his parents to support his four out of wedlock spawn.

Guess what GrandMa? Hit your deadbeat son up for the money because for the next 18 months (My SS has 18mos until he turns 18) we ain't paying a dime for travel. Our share of travel will be deducted from what your worthless POS idiot son owes my wife for raising his kid.

Evil aren't I? Evil

Best regards,

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy. Parenting is not a popularity contest. -Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or

HELP ME!!'s picture


Well, lets see...I was married in July of 2008 and the "drama" never stops with the biological mom. I get so fustrated at least once a week, because she is a narcissitic person and her life is not fulfilled unless she causes my husband and myself trouble.
My husband has been seperated from her in 2005 when she had an affair on him and divorced in 2006. They have been sharing custody 50/50 since the beginning. My husband told her when they seperated he would always take care of everything for the boys. This was a huge mistake. I get so tired of her calling. She makes things up just to call him and we have gotten so tired of it. She has even gotten to the point to where she calls him at work and my husband thinks it is a customer. We have told her numerous times to stop and she will not. It's like she is still in love with him and she can't stand it if she goes an hour without talking to him. HELP!!!!
Our new drama is...She was fired from her job-(take into consideration she has been fired from about 5 jobs in the past 3 years) and has decided she cannot find a job and doesn't want to work. She has decided to go to DSS get foodstamps and have DSS take us to court to pay her $400.00 a month in child support for 2 kids, after we pay for everything anyway! This whole situation is so irritating and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I have only been married for a little over 6 months and I am ready to thrown in the towel. My husband is the best man you will ever meet, but it is truly bringing me down. It is making me a very bitter person and I feel like I am going to lose it!
I do not have anyone else to talk to and really need some good advice. I have prayed and prayed, but the drama continues....HELP!!!

WowjustWow's picture

Common theme here...

The BM's either don't work or make very little, do almost nothing for their kids, and reap the benefits of Child Support. My husband's ex has 2 college degrees (he paid for 1 of them) and has not held a job in the last 4 to 5 years. She does somehow find a way to get her nails done every week as well as have new clothes/shoes/cars all the time.

We pay almost $500/month in CS for 2 kids that we have 60% of the time! How can anyone think this is fair??? I think it's time the courts wake up and look at people's situations more individually. My DH is taking classes online to finish his degree (he had to quit school to earn money for the family when SD#2 came along), but doesn't make a ton of money. Thank goodness my salary is not included. We're getting ready to go back to court to modify the CS. In NC if it is a difference of 15% or more, you can come back before the 3 years are up, and luckily (I guess) the last time DH went it was a temporary order b/c BM claimed she needed more $$ so SD11 could attend after-school care (um hello! BM doesn't work!!!). So I just found out all this was supposed to be temporary with the increase we got last time. DH never went back to court to prove to them he was paying for half of the daycare expenses out of pocket. So BM has been getting an extra $50/ week because DH never went back to the judge. (don't worry, I have ripped him a new one for this!). I WILL be in court this time, I can promise you that!

Why can't a judge see through these BM's lies and crap! There is no reason why most of these women can't work. And I'm sorry, but welfare and food stamps should be included as income for the BM's. No one gives me $400/ month in free groceries or rent assistance! I actually joked with DH that we'd be better off quitting our jobs, living on welfare and food stamps. We'd surely have more money!

toomuch$$'s picture

Paying ex-wife way too much

My husband pays 50% of his net income to his ex-wife. The fact that she has THREE degrees, but only works at part-time piddly-ass jobs seems to be ok with everyone. But becasue SHE doesn't make much money (she makesjust enough so that she gets the MAX gov't benefit, which in Canada are ALOT) she costs our family alot of money. Here in Canada we pay Child Support and "extraa" ON TOP of CS. The extras are supposed to be split proportional to their incomes. However, because she CHOOSES to make so little money, we pay 86% of all the extra expenses! So another 600/month ON TOP of the 900/month in child support! How friggin fair is that NOT! We have 2 kids to support as well, and all 4 kids to support when their kids are visiting, but it doesn't seem to occurr to whoever made these stupid laws, that by allowing her to be lazy and take gov't money, she is stealing from our family! I wish all the step-moms who see how greedy ex-wives can screw their ex-husband (and his new family) would get together and try to change the laws. I think BOTH parents should be equally held financially responsible for their kids after divorce, not just the dad!

Jen's picture

Follow-Up Question

My husband has been divorced from his ex for about 6 years. He has 2 kids and we pay $1300/month for child support. When the divorce was finalized his ex-wife wasn't making all that much $$. 6 years later, she is easily making $300,000/year. My husband makes 150k/year. We feel really screwed as we're pretty sure our money is going to the million dollar house she just bought and not the kids. Plus, we have the kids every other weekend and pick up as many extra days with them as we can. We do all of the driving for pick ups and drop offs - the ex doesn't left a finger.

I guess my question is, is it worth it to talk to an attorney about revisiting how much child support we are paying now that she is making so much more than she was when it was first agreed to?

We're in the state of Virginia.

Rags's picture

It could go either way.


With the incomes you are talking your DH's CS obligation may very well go down. But there are not guaranties. Go to Google, type in VA Child Support Calculator and see where the calculator where you may end up based on her income and your DHs income.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy. Parenting is not a popularity contest. -Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head or

Davidbaird's picture

Parents often argue over the

Parents often argue over the correct child support amount in family law cases. When the issue of a parent, the child or both receiving social security benefits is factored in, an already contentious case becomes more complex. Here is a summary of the Arizona law on the subject.

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