You are here

Full Time SChildren

MBaileyVincent's picture

Do any of you have full time schildren? My husband has full custody therefore I am the only mom they have, I have a daughter of my own and can not help but show difference in them. In fact I am getting to the point of disliking them and can not stand to be with them. The 3 girls do not get along at all, as do all children but 2 of the 3 are not mine and I can not help but take up for my daughter. We have been married for going to 3 years and yes I knew what I was getting into when I started dating him, but knowing what your getting into and living it are 2 different things. I keep thinking in time and age things will get better. My love for my daughter comes naturally, it does not for them so I have gotten to where I do not even show them any type of love, I take care of them on a daily basis but thats it. It has gotten to the point of I feel as if I am always in a bad mood around them, so I am not being the loving my I need to be to my own daughter. Any advice??

Comments

LittlePanda's picture

Full time here too. Sometimes she just drives me nuts. She is 7 and her mom is in jail, however, her father has been custodial for the great majority of her life whether BM was in jail or not. We also have a daughter together, a baby. Of course, I cannot help but love my own child. I do not love SD. She is tiresome, irritating, and a lot of effort. She loves her sister though, so, that's good. I often feel guilty and bad for loving bio so much and not caring at all for SD. I care for her, but I do not love her and have absolutely zero maternal instinct or feeling for her.

Peaches1973's picture

Hi MB,I feel exactly the same about my skids.
BF has 4 and I have a BD.We have them all FT.We have been together 4 years and I knew what I was taking on too but the reality of it is always much more overwhelming than we can ever know until we are knee deep in it.
I too have a hard time loving my skids as my own.They all call me Mom and I treat them all the same,no different from my bio but I dont feel a genuine love for them like I do my bio.I try but its just not there so I fake it,as many of us SM's have to do.
I dont want to be around my skids much either so I do my thing and then relax in my room when im able.It the only way I know to deal with it.
Most days I dread coming home from work.Sure I wanna see my bio,my man and my furbabies but just being around the skids and hearing their never ending babbling..ugh...I just cant work up any enthusiasm for it.
My advice is-dont forget who you are,make sure you do things for you to make yourself happy and do things with just your bio daughter if possible once in a while.

imjustthemaid's picture

My SD16 lives with us fulltime. BM has no visitation but she is 16 so she can choose when she wants to see her, so she does see her once every week or two.

SD was 10 and my DD was 5 when we got together. I do not love SD the way I love my DD but as much as I complain on here, I am very nice to her in real life. Its hard sometimes because she has done and continues to do many hurtful things to me and behind my back but I do the things I do for her, for DH.

When we first got married it was hard. SD was jealous that DD was taking her dad away. SD was very violent and would hit DD and once tried to push her down a flight of stairs. Luckily now that they are 16 and 11, they no longer fight and they know I won't tolerate it anyway. Things have gotten easier in that way, but SD is more of a devil now that she is a teenager. But now that she is older she finally made friends and I do see her alot less. When she was only 10 she had no friends in the world (gee I wonder why) so she was up my ass every minute of every day and it was hell!!!

Now I am just waiting for her to hopefully move out and far away when she turns 18 and my life can go back to normal!!

step off already's picture

My DH has physical custody so we have BS13 all the time except for the eo weekend visits Fri - Sun when he sees his mom. Sometimes it gets so bad that I'm actually happy that he is on punishment and restricted to his room. When he's in a good mood, he is loud and seeking attention from my Bio Kids 9-12, or if he sees me sitting with his dad he comes over and starts asking for a hug and telling him he loves him - over and over again, "can i have another hug?... do you love me dad? Can i have one more hug?"

And then when he's being a jerk, it's usually because he isn't getting his way, is reprimanded for his behavior, is mad because BioMom wont come pick him up - but it's us he's mad at, etc, etc.

I feel bad, but for all I care, he can stay in his room all night every night. Alone, enjoying his punishment and doing his homework. He got in trouble this weekend and we took all his video games, etc out of his room and when he finally caught up on his missing homework mid day Saturday and asked if he could go play outside with the other kids, I told him that he had to stay in his room till his father decided his punishment. He asked what he was supposed to do in his room and I told him to read a book, clean it, organize his belongings, something.

It's been nice to have him off in his room, but of course now he thinks he's being picked on because the other kids get to watch TV before 7 (our usual TV/electronics time for an hour before bed). We are lenient with the rule if the kids have been doing their homework - plus I've been extra tired since I've been pregnant and have been happy to let the kids occupy themselves quietly in the evening.

MBaileyVincent's picture

Thanks to all who replied but my fear is the only way to fix my problem is divorce. Husband and I have no children together and my relationship with my daughter is the most important thing to me but I feel like that I am unable to get the mother daughter relationship I always hoped for due to being so unhappy being a full time mom to step children. Every thing has to be so equal too, if I buy something for one and have to buy for all and if the money is not there I fell like MY DAUGHTER is missing out. That is selfish I know but before I had 3 children I could give my daughter everything I felt she needed. All I know is the hardest thing I have had come my way is a blended family!

step off already's picture

I'm right there with you. I've thought over and over whether divorce/ anullment was something that I'd actually consider, and i wont'.