Praying for a good weekend
So, I'm new to this site, but I must say that I couldn't be happier that I found it. As I sit at work typing this, I am dreadfully counting down the hours until SS9 and SD11 arrive for the every-other-weekend stay at our house. As is the case EVERY OTHER FRIDAY I find myself on the verge of a panic attack, my dislike of them growing with every passing minute just knowing that they'll be here soon. I have no idea why I feel like this and have tried for almost two years now to stop, but I find things getting worse, not better. They aren't necessarily bad kids, but I just can't bond with them. I have two children of my own, daughters who are 6 and 10, who I love with all my heart, even though they drive me crazy most of the time. But the stepkids... they drive me crazy in a totally different way. They live with their BM in the middle of nowhere and are just very awkward and backwards. I can't relate to them at all. They're just so weird and different than people here in the "big city" (seriously, I don't live in a big city, but to them, this may as well be NYC). I honestly feel horrible about myself for feeling this way, but I can't help it, no matter how hard I try. I've stressed for weeks about Christmas - making everything even between my kids and the skids. Since we only have them every other weekend, we'll be having Christmas for the skids when they get here tonight. Since their BM is a useless excuse for a mother who can't take care of her home, nothing the skids get here can go home with them because it will get lost or broken within days (we've learned this from experience) which just makes this whole situation worse for me. I had to spend just as much money on the skids as on my own who live with us full-time, even though the gifts they get will only be used every other weekend. It just seems like a waste to me. I've promised DH that I would try my best to kindly deal with them (meaning not have a meltdown and hide in my bedroom all weekend) but just the thought of going through another weekend with them has me already full of anxiety. I'd rather stay at work all weekend, which is saying a lot! DH and I have such a great relationship, outside of any and everything having to do with his kids. We have fun together all the time - and he's even great with my kids. They've bonded with him very well, which makes it even more aggravating that I can't even force myself to do the same with his kids. I know how badly he wants me to love his kids, but I just can't. Hopefully my love for him can be enough - for him and me.
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Comments
Welcome,you will find it
Welcome,you will find it helps just to be able to vent and have others commiserate with your feelings.
I too have tried to feel something positive for these skids who have been in my life for 4 years and I can tell you,its not getting better.
Thank you both for your
Thank you both for your comments! While these hard times are far from over, it does make me feel a little better to know that I am not the only one who is feeling or has felt like this and that someday hopefully I too can better deal with all this. This whole blended family thing is so much harder than I ever thought it would be!
Welcome! You are not alone!
Welcome! You are not alone! My fiancee's kids are the biggest weirdos EVER... and they come every single weekend. Seriously. They are creepy and strange and I cannot stand them. I know how you feel.
There are many nice women here to vent to and get advice from. You will find many many people have the same problems, or much much worse problems even!Try not to feel bad about how you feel. Its common. Maybe buy a copy of the book, "Stepmonster", I got one ordered and on the way. I hear it explains a lot.
Oh thank you so much for your
Oh thank you so much for your comment! I am so glad to know I'm not alone on the whole weird thing! It seems like most women on here complain about their skids because they misbehave and whatnot. I was starting to feel kind of bad considering my biggest complaint is that my skids are just so damn weird!! And I've seen that book references a couple times on this site, considering I'm a bookworm AND it may help me with this whole deal, I'm definitely going to have to get a copy!
I am right now, as we speak,
I am right now, as we speak, counting down the hours to 5:30 when "the boys" will be coming over for the weekend. I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE WEEKENDS> I lock myself in my room. I am considering getting a weekend job. I have stopped eating dinners with my fiancee, because I cannot stand eating with his rude annoying children. Friday afternoon rolls around and my stomach gets in knots, I get anxious, depressed, cranky, etc.
In that case, I'll pray for a
In that case, I'll pray for a good weekend for both of us!
And I've definitely been there - I did the part-time weekend job thing for a while but eventually got tired of working 7 days a week. I spend a lot of time in my room, but unfortunately, for my DH's sake, I have to be around them for meals and such. When I brought up trying to just avoid the skids completely when they are here, DH got pretty upset. I understand where he's coming from - those are his kids and he loves them, just like I love my kids - but I don't think he grasps how much I literally can not stand them.
It's sad really - since I work full time during the week I used to adore the weekends - now I absolutely hate them when they're here!
I know that feeling of
I know that feeling of "working for the weekend" and then having it ripped out from under you. SO has SD every. single. weekend.
There was a point where I began to make myself scarce, then there was a point where I began to resent the hell out of having to find all these ways to spend time away from my own home, and now it's kind of circled back to me staying pretty busy away from home on the weekends...but it's different this time. It's on my terms and because I want to. Huge difference.
Yeah I guess in some ways I'm
Yeah I guess in some ways I'm lucky that we only have them every other weekend. But the only reason for that is that the BM lives about an hour and a half away and refuses to get her ass off the couch and meet DH anywhere closer, so driving 3 hours to get them on Friday and 3 hours to take them back on Sunday every other weekend already sucks enough for DH. And I can't even go with him without the crazy BM freaking out. The one time I did ride with him she came running towards the car like she was going to fight me screaming "How dare you bring that bitch to my house!!" which was pretty funny considering at the time (only a few months into our relationship), she was living in a house owned by DH's father because she hadn't found a new man to use and DH and FIL didn't want to see her out on the street. Of course getting a job is completely out of the question - she hasn't worked more than a month or two in her entire life and she's 32 - but you wouldn't guess it by the way she acts -she has a gangster hillbilly teenage girl thing going on. Who knew falling in love with my DH meant having to deal with Jerry Springer-esque craziness!