northernsiren's picture

Child welfare check??

Hey everyone, at one point on here I was told that you can at any time call the police and request a child welfare check on a living situation if you are concerned for a child's well being??

Is that the case? This is not a regional thing is it??? Any input is greatly appreciated!!!!

missangie1978's picture

You can just call the police and give them

your reason for the child well being check and the address. It works in any state. BM tried this on us because we didn't answer the phone, we were at the zoo at the time with SS.

BM is such an idiot

northernsiren's picture

thank you for responding

BMs father is filing a police report tomorrow on BM, and we're afraid for SD's safety so we wanted the police to check on her since the report is for violence against SD. (Not exactly not answering the phone!) Is that what it's called, a child welfare check? Don't want to sound like a fool calling the police...

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

missangie1978's picture

That's exactly what it is called

and police are required to check on all calls for a "welfare check". Hope everything is ok with your SD

disgusted's picture

This is a legal mandatory

This is a legal mandatory standard in every state. I suggest that you call the Child Protective Services in your County and have them do a follow up as well. Doing that just keeps all your bases covered and the more paper work you have of incident reports the better for you and your SK.

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~digusted

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In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities.

SerendipitySM's picture

NS - how did everything go?

NS - how did everything go? I hope your SD is ok - please keep us posted!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

northernsiren's picture

Thank you guys, I am so

Thank you guys, I am so lucky to have this resource, truly. FH asked me to ask you ladies about this, as today the grandparents are filing a police report and they are concerned about BM flipping out when she finds out.

I don't know exactly what will happen as a result of the police report, I don't even know exactly what it's going to say. Anyone know more about this? I'm pretty sure it will be about abuse. It's a fairly small town they live in, certainly not an urban place, so I don't imagine this will get swept under the rug with a million other complaints, but I guess it's possible.

Ugh, I feel so useless, I have NO experience with any of this, don't even have bio children, it's so frustrating!!!

I will definitely mention the CPS thing to FH today, I'll email him exactly what has been said here. Thank you again!!!!

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

—

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

stepmasochist's picture

I wouldn't think she'd even know about it until

the cops go and investigate. If the grandpa goes down to the station to file the report there shouldn't be anything out on scanners or in a police blotter about it. Unless BM has a contact in the office and it'd have to be the right contact, like a not so ethical officer, I think most police support staff is kept in the dark. BM shouldn't have any clue he was down there until they go to her at which time, they'll probably be checking his welfare anyway.

It's after that she'll flip out. So you might want to try and get an idea of when they're going to investigate it or see if they can give grandpa a heads up when they start to head her way. Which could be today, tomorrow, next week, who knows depends on how much they have on their plate today and the immediacy of the situation. It's the next contact after that she has with SS that the welfare check should take place.

I think I'd also want to be notified if she pulled him out of school early that day.

northernsiren's picture

That;s a really good point

I kind of assumed they would act immediately but perhaps not. BM has no contacts, unlike crayon and others who's BM's run the town, BM has no friends and even has no family left on her side after all the crap they've pulled. The live in a white trash never never land with her husband's ex con friend as the only visitor....

I appreciate the information, and will pass it on to FH now!!!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

—

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Sia's picture

Hi NS....

I have been sick and not here much, but I am glad to see this.... Hope all goes well, and please do let us know how it turns out. I can tell you how it works in KY...I know it's not much help, but this is the way we do it. I only know all this, b/c DH retired from the fire dept last march after 20 yrs of service, and I am an EMT which means we work closely w/police and have a lot of them as friends. When someone files a complaint, it will depend on what type of compaint is filed as to the action taken. GP can file a complaint, but unless he presses charges, they will likely only forward it to CPS. IF CPS is any good in your state, they will go to the home immediatley and check on her. This will likely be hard for your SD as she will be made to show (basically the will do a body check) any/all bruises she has and will have to account for how they got there, etc, w/out BM in the room. If she doesn't have bruises, they will question her as to her fear level. They may remove her if she claims to feel scared and they believe her. Here's the sticky part.....IF they think she is just a teenager trying to get even with her BM, they will not do anything. She will be referred to a counselor for further evaluation. They may even be assigned a permanent worker to oversee her well being. In KY, there has to be enough proof that the child is currently being abused before they will remove the child from the home. When they remove the child, they will contact the other bio-parent for placement. If you refuse or are unavailable or unsuitable, she will go to a foster home until it can be determined where or when she will return to the home. Unfortunately, I think KY sucks as far as CPS goes....they just don't do enough!
For GP to actually press charges against the BM, he likely will need proof, i.e., a picture of her injuries, or the child there with him.
I am so sorry you guys are going through this, and I sure hope that it gets better for SD. Do tell SD that if BM is in fact abusing her, to go to her school counselor. They will be a great 3rd party to get the ball rolling. Also, if she is actively being abused, she can leave the home and go to any type of public place and request that someone there call police. Like a restar., a mall, a library, any place like that. Or, she could simply go to a neighbor's house and ask that they call the police. GOOD LUCK!

northernsiren's picture

Sia--

Thanks Sia, I guess the grandparents themselves have seen the BM hit her, though SD says her mom is now doing this with more regularity, and has slammed her head against the wall. BM denies ever hitting her. BM has an assault record, policewise, when her own other pressed charges. She also assaulted FH and his mother too though there were no police reports.

BM has told SD not to speak to school counselors (at the beginning of the school year I advised her to do this), and refused to allow SD to see a therapist b/c "SD is just going to lie to the therapist like she lies to everyone else to get them turned against me". Honestly, the truth, exaggeration, lie or whatever is in between is irrelevant to me. If it's the truth, there needs to be a change. If it's an outright lie (which I doubt, given BM's track record and the grandparents witnessing SD get slapped), there's obviously something gravely wrong with the situation if SD feels the need to lie to get out of it, and if it's somewhere in between that's still good enough for me, she does NOT deserve to be treated like a maid, and an outsider at her full time residence.

I have been informed that at 16, she can legally decide where she wants to live, and BM has no say. SD will be 15 Feb. 1st. Up until 16, the courts weigh the child's input based on their age, maturity level, rationale around the situation, etc. Given how close she is to being able to decide for herself, I would think the courts would pay a decent amount of attention to her opinion in this. And of course the grandparents position on this too, I would think that would make a judge stand up and take notice too. I fear for SD though, I fear she'll cave under BM's pressure, plus the added fact that all children, especially abused children, desperately want their mother's love, and I think SD is particularly susceptible to BM crying, telling her things will be different, you know, classic abuse behaviors. I wouldn't be surprised if BM out and out told her "without your father's child support me and your little sisters are going to lose our house and be homeless, and it'll be all your fault" that's totally something she'd do...

I just hope whoever gets involved legally has the wherewithall to see this for what it is, and make SD talk through it in depth. She can tow BM's line superficially, but questioned in depth by a caring person, she will definitely crack and tell the full, dirty truth...

Anyway, sorry to rant on and on, I appreciate very much the KY version of what will happen, it can't be all that much different here. Some Christmas huh? Sad

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

—

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Sia's picture

wow..NS...

I sure hope that she will be able to get past the BM's BS! That sucks for her. Woudl it be possible for you guys to take her to the therapist yourself? BM doesn't have to know. There are some therapist that will have after hours care like on Sats and some nights....
Our BM never physically abused the SD's, but she sure did a number on them emotionally and mentally. Both of them have come out of the situation with damaged psyche's. BM guilt trips are the worst. I was a victim of my own BM's emotional black mail when I was a child. It was awful, but eventually I knew that what she was doing was wrong, so I stopped believing in her BS. Good luck to you guys and SD! Let us know how it progresses!

northernsiren's picture

I'm pretty sure she does have to know though...

I went down this road even in a preliminary way already. I'm a strong proponent of counseling as a preventative measure, and with so much going on in her life, I really wanted her to have someone completely disengaged from the situation to talk to. I also am concerned about some specific behaviors SD has, namely a severe reluctance to make choices and decisions, from clothes in the mall, what to eat for dinner, etc, plus an inability to discuss any feelings and emotions she may have, even difficulty expressing her opinions without having someone spoonfeeding her the discussion, and finally, several instances of lying to either get her way or to placate someone. I know some of this is typical teen, but her overbearing, domineering mother is also a huge factor. Her mother lies all the time, to everyone (even admitted lying to FH last weekend) so sets a terrible example, plus she has disappointed this kid and failed to follow through with promises so many times, I wouldn't be at all surprised if SD learned the adaptive behavior that if she never says what she wants, or has an opinion, she can't be let down. Finally, her mother has a habit of YELLING over anyone who tries to have a rational conversation with her, so SD (and FH, and pretty much anyone) is constantly shouted down in a conversation.

NONE of this is healthy for a teen, and it leaves her socially stunted. This is a time in her life when she is supposed to be finding out who she is, exploring her personality, and becoming her own person, and Bm seems to want the opposite for her. Sad

Anyway, I went through all this months ago, and was told that we first had to take SD to her primary care to get a referral, and then we couldn't make an appt without BM's authorization. I do even know a therapist that might overlook this, but if the insurance co. sends a statement of benefits to BM's, we're sunk, and, in the middle of a custody dispute, any underhanded BS is not going to be looked on favorably, even if it is for SD's best interest...

Sad

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

—

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Sia's picture

pay for it out of pocket and avoid the ins company

and it may work in your favor b/c if BM is refusing SD therapy b/c she doesn't like it, then it will look absolutely terrible for her. It makes the point that you MUST go behind her back for her to get therpay b/c BM is so uncooperative....
Honestly, insurance aside, no doctor can refuse her care just b/c he doesn't have custody. I am sure you already do this, but just incase.....document, document, document! Maybe you could tape her phone conversations and have Dh request BM to take SD to therapy and get her refusal on tape.....
that aside, how are things going? Has GP filed any complaints, etc?

northernsiren's picture

the only time we could take her would be Sunday

Our visitation is only Sat night from 6:00 until Sunday at about the same time. Plus even to take her once a week would be almost 800 dollars a month, and we can't afford that. Sad I really wish she could just talk to a guidance counselor at school, but if BM finds out, she'll lose it and I think SD is too scared to risk it...

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

—

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein