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hangingbyathread6's picture

Well today was the day for SS14 to come back. Had plans for SSs, DH and I to go to church service. Church is at 10:30. Father's Day brunch after. BM was told to have SSs here by 10:00 am. At 10:17 I looked at DH and said, " are you getting ready for church?" Response was the bits aren't here yet. I said yeah, well I'm going to church alone then. DH asks why can't you just skip church and spend time with us? My response was, "because I think it's important that we go to church. I told you I wanted to go to church and then we'd go out for brunch because I would be leaving for the rest of the afternoon to bring DD14 to bible camp". DH responded with well the boys aren't here yet. I didn't realize that's what you wanted to do. I guess I didn't hear your whole plan. I'm sorry. But what do you want from me the boys aren't here yet? My response was, "well, you told BM to have them here by 10:00. It's now 10:20. Have you even picked up the phone and texted her that she is late and we had plans?" So he texts BM, "are you bringing the boys back?" She showed up five minutes later and they came to church. I was irritated with the message, as I felt he should have been more forceful with her. That she's late, it's his time and we have plans.

We go to church. After we go to hubby's favorite restaurant and have brunch. We come home, I grab DD14's bag and get ready to leave to pick her up and head to camp. SS12 asks where I'm going? I tell him and he says, " ooh! Can I go with you?" He goes to the same bible camp with DD12 in July. I initially said well if you want to but I'm driving to camp and then right back. Camp is 2 hours from our home so I was going to be gone for about 4 1/2-5 hrs. But then I thought about it and said, " you know what, you should probably stay here. It's Father's Day " DH says he can go if he wants that's fine. I said no he should stay. DH responds (in FRONT of SS12, " if you don't want him to go with you that's fine but I don't care if he goes. The weather is terrible anyway so we can't really go and do anything." This REALLY irritated me. DO NOT SAY IF YOU DONT WANT HIM TO GO WITH YOU....in front of him. I said it has nothing to do with not wanting him to go and everything to do with it being Father's Day and he should spend time with you. Do something with your sins alone today while I'm gone. (Thinking in my head remember....that's what dear SS14 said he struggles with and misses,...that it's not just dad and the two boys anymore it's all of us and that's a reason why he said what he did about my daughter). So I left, ALONE. Picked up DD14 and had a nice chat on our way to camp, got her registered and set up in her cabin and enjoyed a peaceful two hour cruise home by myself. And it was heavenly.

However, remember we are supposed to have this "family meeting" with SS14, DH and I with DH running the show and being in charge of laying the rules down and telling SS14 the deal. Well its7:30. DH and SS14 just took off for a bike ride. SS12 didn't want to go so DH didn't make him. Make the kid do something with you on Father's Day. Not just sit his ass on the couch playing on his iPhone. So off for a bike ride they went, and there has still not been any "family meeting". I have not brought it up, as I think it should be DH to initiate it as he is supposed to be taking over the responsibility of discipline with SS14 and holding him accountable. DH will leave for night shift at 9:30 and I will leave on the morning for work. So when will this "meeting" occur?? This is now irritating me also. So in 9 1/2 hours of SS14 being back in the house I am disgruntled and irritated with DH. And SS14 because he's just walking around like nothing ever happened.

hangingbyathread6's picture

It didn't save my last part which was, does anyone think i should bring the "family meeting" up to DH or just wait and see if he does or doesn't do it?

hangingbyathread6's picture

Well DH came back from his bike ride with SS14. Was charting with me and asked what was on my mind. I said oh nothing. Just figuring out the schedule this week with all the kids for baseball and such. The "meeting" was brought up because he said about two of my kids coming home and well I guess we wait for everyone to be here hey? I said if that's what you want to do but I thought the conversation was supposed to be SS14 and us. And all three of my kids won't be here until the next week skids are back, because ODD is at bible camp for a week. Oh. Well then let's do this after he gets out of the shower.

So SS14 gets out of the shower and comes downstairs like nothing has occurred at all (like he did all day) and DH says why don't you come in and have a seat. So DH talks to him and says you created a huge mess here and hurt a lot of people. It's going to take some time for you to earn everyone's trust back. You owe an apology to us, to your sisters and to your brothers because what you did interrupted everyone's lives. Also, your phone has been shut off. You will not be getting it back. If you do ever get it back it will be after your have earned it, and shown us all that your behavior and attitude is going to be different. And there will be no lying. None. About anything. You also are not allowed in your sisters' room or anywhere for that matter without an adult present. Because of what you did. Do you understand? SS sat with his eyes staring down at the table, playing with his hair....started his sniffling bit. Mumbled yeah. DH asked if I had anything to say. I said no, you are in charge here. I'm just here to support you. DH then asked SS do you have anything to say? SS shook his head no, never looking up. DH said really? You have nothing to say? SS continued to stare at the table and sniffle. DH said well then you can leave. You can go to your room and think about what it is you need to do. So SS went upstairs and hasn't returned.

Sorry...only proving my point that the kid could give a shit less what he did and just that he no longer has a phone and is being held accountable. He had no apologies to say or start. After being out of the house for 2 1/2 weeks and supposedly feeling so terrible for what he did and so sorry....the words escaped him when it came time to start and take a step in the right direction. So...I held up my end of the bargain...and since there has been no apology...I will have nothing to do with SS14. He doesn't exist in my world at this time...and I highly doubt he ever will. Because I honestly don't think the kid will ever try to make amends. Nor do I think he is sorry. And he's only proving me right.

onthefence2's picture

I had to go back and read your posts to catch up. What a mess. I just wanted to say it sounds like your ss14 is a psychopath. They can pull of completely normal, but there is something underneath that's not right. I was married to one for 8 years and he fooled people (and still does) ALL the time. This might be a permanent issue. I hope I'm wrong.

hangingbyathread6's picture

Believe me onthefence, I have completely started to think the child is a psychopath. And it's not just me that thinks so. He's in counseling now, and the therapist came right out and told DH during our session in relation to SS that he is a very troubled teenager. He has a lot of work to do but she is committed to trying to help him. I hope I'm not right...but at this point with the way things are going, I honestly expect to see his name in police and courts. Hopefully it's not for something that ruins someone else's life. Hence the reason I am so adamant that he be held accountable for his actions and no excuses! He is 14 for crying out loud! Time to make him put on his big boy pants and face the music....or he may well be facing a prison guard someday!