Picture this...
Imagine the scene:
You walk in the door one evening after work, fully expecting it to be a stepkid-free night, and who comes bounding down the stairs? Your stepkid!
1: What do you think?
2: What do you say?
And are they the same things?
This happened to me this past Friday night. My stepkids were supposed to be with their mom, but apparently there was some schedule change that I hadn't been told about. So I come through the door after an especially trying day at work, with my two kids in tow, and one of my stepbrats comes downstairs to see who was home.
What I said was "Well, hello there!"
That was NOT what I thought. My first thought was something along the lines of "Well FVVVCK! There goes my night! DAMN IT!"
I felt like a bad person for a few seconds, then I remembered what it was about these kids that makes me feel that way, and I got over it. Everything I had planned to get done that night went right out the window as soon as I saw his face. EVERYTHING. I can't get a single damn thing done with those kids in the house.
I'm so glad I found this forum to vent. You have no idea how much it helps! (Well, maybe you do... 
)
Similar thing happened to me
Similar thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Thursday, my husband negotiated that SD would be with her mother for the weekend so that we could have our first weekend alone together in about 3 months. I was looking forward to it. Friday, SD had a doctors appointment in the afternoon that both BM and my husband went to. While he was on his way back after I sent repeated texts to find out when he would be home, he finally sends me a message to say that SD is coming back with him too. So I looked up what was on at the movies and went out for the evening, and completely disengaged from SD until she left the next day (usually I am the primary entertainer whilst my husband does dinner/chores). My husband learnt that not discussing (non-emergency) visitation with me in advance leads to a "cold war" (in his words). Hopefully he will remember that lesson for a long while.
Good for you to take a clear
Good for you to take a clear stand early on!!! Needless to say I didn't enforce boundaries and am regretting it!
Oh god, I remember that
Oh god, I remember that vividly. Mr. Guilty Daddy had an on "the fly visitation" non-schedule (basically the BM would call and daddykins would come a'runnin')
He would NEVER tell me in advance if they were over or not. I'd pull in from a week of work hell on Friday only to find that we have the "angels" for yet another weekend in a row.
SHUDDER!
Because of a bunch of
Because of a bunch of convoluted, effed-up (though thankfully temporary) changes to the visitation schedule between BM and DH, I now have the joy of knowing those hellions will be in my home three weekends in a row, in addition to some extra weeknights. HOLY GOD I WANT TO DIE.
I remember almost six years
I remember almost six years straight of the three biological extrusions darkening my doorstep EVERY weekend! The pattern is as follows:
1. Shortly after the breakup the BM goes PASsy-wampus--withholding visitation willy nilly--biodad goes into deep state of mourning and guilt.
2. BM discovers internet dating now that she is certain that biodad won't come crawling back. (DPC)Disney Parenting Competition (TM)begins and soon BM is dumping off skids at EVERY opportunity--all the while continuing the PAS campaign--grilling skids for info after biodad's weekend etc etc.
3. When BM finds a suitable "replacement daddy" then visitation starts to wane and the DPC ramps up a few notches--more excuses are made as to why skids can't do visitation (fourth annual BM family reunion of the year, national pickle appreciation day, etc etc)
These stages can have varying lengths. Anywhere from months to years.
I SO look forward to my
I SO look forward to my nights without the stepkids because they're such high-maintenance, whiny divas, but there's a problem with my stepkid-free nights, too. When they're there, it's like DH expects all productivity to come to a standstill because, well, "The BOYS are here!" "We can do that next weekend when THE BOYS aren't here!"
...Which means we're left doing all the ass-busting work around the house when the skids are gone. My only opportunity to enjoy some peace and quiet and one-on-one time with my own two kids and DH, but no! We have to spend all our damn time working.
Also, if I want to have something special for dinner, it's "No! Let's wait and do it next week when THE BOYS are here!" You know what? Screw them. If I want to make a special dish for my own boys and DH and myself, hell with 'em. Let their fat-ass BM get off the couch and cook something. (Hah, that's not going to happen, but that's not my problem.) When we have our skid-free week, we just eat leftovers and sandwiches. When THE BOYS are here, DH pulls out all the stops and wants to cook all sorts of special meals for them, which most of the time they couldn't give a crap about one way or the other.
I've decided to put a stop to that. From now on, I refuse to put off all the work until his precious snowflakes are back at BM's, and all the special meals until they're back at our house. Screw it. Heh, that oughta go over well...
And conversely, nothing
And conversely, nothing productive would get done when they are over. I went through two gut rehabs so "real life" would come to a halt; instead, daddykins would device yet another expensive (on my dime--his $$$ went to CS) 24/7 three ringed circus entertainment extravaganza for the "nothing is ever enough" darlings.
This has happened to me a
This has happened to me a couple times. I unleashed a wrath that SO never forgot. He doesn't do anymore "surprise" visits.
Karma can catch up. Since
Karma can catch up. Since his cloven-hooved lovelies have PASed out, I now have had a few "surprise" visits from my 26 yr old bioson and his GF. Of course, apples to oranges; my bios are grown, independent, intelligent, well spoken and well mannered, productive members of society, whereas HIS are headed for orange jumpsuits.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA }:)
I would be thinking the same
I would be thinking the same thing if I didn't expect ss to be here. Just be glad you don't have full custody. Every day I pray for BM's good health.
This has happened more than a
This has happened more than a few times to me as well. My Gf's kids are with us except one day a week if I am lucky. Their father is a total deadbeat loser and if he doesn't answer the phone or call back, there goes that one night. So yes, what I say and what I think are two different things. I don't feel bad, just read my earlier post to find out why.
The way to solve this is walk
The way to solve this is walk through the front door every night that the Skids are NOT supposed to be there peeling off your clothes. }:)
If they are not there then you and DH have some fun, if they are there then you you say "oh, I guess Iw ill have check the calendar more closely so that I know for sure I can run around the house necked.
That ought to give DH the motivation to hold BM to her scheduled Skid time.
:O
}:) 