Need to vent re why do adult skids need to ruin relationship wi grkids?
So my oldest gkids are on FB (Fakebook), GS11 and GD10 (yes I know this is SO, SO wrong on so many levels but their Mom is a FB freak!!). I friended them many weeks ago and neither have accepted my friend request and they have since added more friends so I know they would have seen my request by now. I know that the gkids Mom (oldest SD) supervises their accounts and that is why they won't friend me most likely or they have been told not to friend me from her. They are of course friends with my skids BM and their Daddy's Gma and the rest of my skids and my skids spouses. I used to be friends with skids and their spouses but there was a huge blowout last year with them all so I defriended all of them and will NEVER be friends with any of them again and stay far, far away from them when I can.
My DH and I have spent lots of lots of time with all of the gkids and we have made it a point to keep that relationship strong regardless of the relationship we have with their parents (skids). This GD used to come over and play dollies with me every few months and other stuff. We had a good relationship and she always was pleasant to me when I saw her. Unfortunately, we had a major blowout with oldest SS and he got the other skids involved in the problem. So oldest SD who at one time told me how wonderful I was etc., decided I was scum of the earth. So now she treats me like crap. SD filed for divorce from her husband this year and since that time I have noticed that GD has become w/drawn and quiet around me. She still happily goes to my DH so I think that SD hasn't said smack to her about him just me. My frustration is why does oldest SD have to butt in and ruin the wonderful relationship the gkids and I had prior to this. Why can't she just leave it be. I don't care about having a relationship with any of skids anymore (so, so done with that) but I love and adore the gkids and they have shown they love me. They obviously didn't do anything wrong so why can't their parents just let them be in this regard. As I said I don't care anymore about the relationship (or lack thereof) with skids but now I have to worry about them poisoning their kids (gkids) minds against me too. It is so wrong on so many levels but I do understand there is not much I can do to change it and it makes very sad.............I so hate it when life isn't fair don't you?
Very sad and unfortunate
Very sad and unfortunate sitaution. It amazes me still what evil parents will put into their children's heads for their own sake. We were just taking abut this this week. My husband and I are dealing witha similiar sitaution and of course it has all been blamed on us.
Thanks "goforit" - you are
Thanks "goforit" - you are absolutely right but some days I let it get the better of me and I want to scream, but usually the next day I'm calm again:)
AVR1962 - it really is sad what evil skids will do and say to their children. I had high hopes that alot of the skid drama would stop at the gkid level but I should have known the skids would keep it alive somehow, someway. It makes me sad for the gkids but all I can do is repeatedly reassure them that I/we love them and am/are there for them if and when they need me/us. I think that is all any of SM/SDs can do in this kind of situation.....
Adult stepchildren
When I read these comments I realise my SC aren’t as bad as some. Just had a session with SS criticising me but my husband also has an issue with SS texting him while visiting us in the same house. The situation is better some times than others.
This is a sad, but very predictable, situation.
The bottom line is that you do not have a good relationship with parents (skids) therefore they have ZERO interest in maintaining any kind of relationship you had with gskids. Even if the gskids previously loved you to pieces, there is nothing more powerful in a kid's life than parent(s).
You are probably right that the adult skids talk badly about you and that's why the gskids have changed their attitude towards you. Unfortunately, the damage has been done and that seed has been planted in the gskids heads now. You have done all you can do which is let gskids know how you feel about them and they are welcome any time. What you must do now is come to grips with the fact that they will probably become more distant from you and may not ever "come around" to your side again.
Since your DH (grandpa) is not on the outs and will undoubtedly continue to have a good relationship with the gskids, you will be the only outsider. I know how hurtful this is but you must steel yourself to this reality.
For what it's worth, it is the stories of SPs like you which had made me realize that when and if any gskids come along, I will also be an "outsider" and have already resigned myself that I cannot get close or else I risk becoming heartbroken. The relationship I have with any gskids won't be any better than the relationship I have with adult SD - which is nothing. We are polite strangers and that's all I expect I ever will be with any gskids.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you but if you don't have a good relationship with the parents/skids, then you have to expect that the relationship with the gskids will suffer, too. It's a shame since I think children have to capacity to love many adults in their life and that the love of many adults will help kids grow up to be secure and happy.
Ok... so my take is that
Ok... so my take is that these grandkids are not really your bio grandkids.. but your husband's children's grandchildren right? It sounds like your blow ups with his children have filtered down to the grandchildren. Likely if the skids feel you attacked them without reason then they feel that they would be protecting their children by limiting access to you. I am not saying this is what happed with your relationship with them.. just how THEY may view it.
You clearly state you want nothing to do with the parents.. so I'm not sure why you are surprised that they don't want someone that they have a bad relationship with having a lot of access and time with their children. I don't know what caused the blow out.. or any of what led up to it all, but I honestly don't see why the kids would be encouraging a relationship with someone that they can't have one themselves.
I'm sorry that the loss of the close relationship with the stepgrandkids has hurt you but unfortunately unless you mend your relationship with their parents, I'm afraid you can't expect them to behave any differently.