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The end of March is already here!

grace8205's picture

Well skid went on to pout the rest of the weekend and not talk to anyone in the house. By Monday he was mad. Back to him leaving the house and not coming back until he is ready to go to sleep, which is fine by me so I do not have to deal with him.
DH told me he was going to the gym right after work on Monday, so I figured I would have a little time to myself. As I was upstairs changing out of my work clothes, I hear the front door slam very loudly (it shook the windows on the front of the house), and then loud stomping. Oh great skid is home and is being an asshole. I stayed up stairs for a bit not wanting to go downstairs and be around his pouty ass but I had to get dinner ready for my kid who is on his way home. I walk in the kitchen and there is skid sitting at the kitchen table drinking MY BEER! One bottle empty and he is working on the second having a belching contest with himself. Just as I discovered this I get a text from DH telling me that me is on his way home, that skid texted him and wanted to talk to him and it sounded like he is in a bad mood. I confirmed it to him and told him since you are on the way home I will refrain from getting into with skid for drinking my beer, which is knows the rules are do not drink alcohol unless you purchased it yourself.

When DH comes in he tells his son to get into the car because they need to go over to the bank so the skid can pay us $250 of the “who really knows how much” he owes us and they would talk in the car. DH came home without the money being deposited into his account but skid had a total melt down. The meltdown to get Daddy to feel sorry for his little boy. Skid went on a poor pitiful me, “I am not wanted”, “I have no family, and I am excluded all the time in the house I live it”, “Why can’t I drink coffee in my room, it’s only fucking coffee”, “My mother is a bitch and never does anything for me” and on and on. Apparently he was yelling, screaming and bawling like a baby through all of it. Then does not want to really talk or hear his dad has to say, gets out of the car, thowing his keys at his dad and running away.

When DH came home without skid and his car is still parked outside, he told me. DH was all worried. I said he will come back, he will come to say sorry but no other words expect “can I have my keys” and he will leave and come home at bedtime when we are already asleep.
I told my DH I am no longer tolerating his kid’s shit. I said he is out at the end of the month whether he has a place or not. He can also apologize to me for everything from him swearing at me and my son 2 Christmases ago, to the rule breaking, all the horrible treatment and including him drinking my beer at my kitchen table today. I told DH I want a proper apology that sounds and feels sincere and then he can stay here until the end of the month, and his behavior must feel just like that sincere proper apology for the rest of the month.

So far skid refuses to apologize and he has only been back at our house for 15 minutes to grab some clothes and a toothbrush.
I will let DH know I will assume his kid is not coming back after the weekend is over and will not be able to. I have the locksmith booked for Monday afternoon.

sandye21's picture

He needs to go NOW!!! Period. Do you really think he's going to apologize to you? I don't. Glad to hear you are not letting SS back into your home and changing the locks. I also agree with snoopy. Get the locksmith out there as soon as possible.

grace8205's picture

He is not here right now, and I doubt he will come and apologize. I figured since that offer was put out Monday night I should give notice for it to close. I don't want DH to just give him another key after I spend $200 to rekey all the locks. DH is not encouraging him to come back, he knows if he does then he is just going to be in the middle of fights and hell.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Get a deadbolt that you punch a 4-digit code into. We just got some by Schlage. You can change that code over and over again, so if DH caves and gives SS the code? You can change it without a locksmith. }:)

~ Moon

grace8205's picture

He has not been living in our home since this incident and he was already pissed off about us finding his drugs in our house (for the 4th time) and throwing them out, this is what originally gave him the notice to move at the end of March. The locksmith comes this afternoon to change the regular locks, I do have one keyless deadbolt on the front door of my house but I have already changed that lock. Even though he is out the house is not back to normal, DH is pouting, sad and worried about his little prince. To the point it is making me sick. Since his kid has been living in our house and behaving this way, I always dreaded coming home to the drama, I thought that might change but it hasn't, I have started dreading coming home to my husband because of his behavior and is still trying to enable his kid. Hopefully this shall pass too.

Merry's picture

My DH has done this. I have learned not to go down that rat hole with him. I force myself to go on about my business. I engage in my work and my own hobbies, get together with girlfriends. Sometimes I don't go home after work and instead go shopping or meet up with friends. I am always completely clear with my DH that I love him, but his enabling and depression are consuming him, and I don't want to be around him when he's like that.

He gets it. And he works through it. Fortunately, he has a good therapist. (We got to the point that he either faced the snakes in his head or I was leaving -- and I meant it and he knew it.) He would much rather I wallow in self pity with him, but I won't do it.

I reengage when he's ready to be my partner. Doesn't usually take very long for him to miss me. A couple of days ago he thanked me for bringing sanity to his world. It works for us.

grace8205's picture

Merry, I have started doing just that. The only thing that really gets me is DH thinks he can put me and our relationship on a shelf like a toy, and then take me off the shelf when he wants to play. I have made myself busy enough that when he misses me I already have plans.

Merry's picture

Exactly right. My reengagement is on my terms and my timeframe. Already have plans? I keep them. I don't feel like hanging with DH? I don't.

I have worked really hard not to be angry about this. It's a mental health issue with DH, and he's seeking help and doing the hard work necessary to be healthier. We are seeing progress. These deep moody spells are fewer, and shorter. His trigger is usually SS (recovering addict--and we believe clean, but chronically unemployed) and his need to "help" his son. I get that. But DH is retired and has saved not one dime, so any financial "help" is joint or mine. I put a stop to that recently, felt like an absolute controlling bitch, but somebody had to be the grownup. And I do resent the hell out of that.

Last time SS asked for money, DH sent him some but told him no more. So SS is broke again and he asked for money again anyway. SS knows his dad. "No" means "but I might forget I said no." DH had the good sense to tell SS that he was broke too and he couldn't help. That was the first time EVER that DH said no.

hereiam's picture

“I am not wanted”, “I have no family, and I am excluded all the time in the house I live it”

Response: "Um, maybe because you are an asshole who throws little baby tantrums. You want to drink coffee in your room? You want to do drugs? Drink alcohol? Get.your.own.damn.place."

If I remember correctly, your SS has a decent paying, full time job, no? What is your DH so worried about? SS is obviously going somewhere, if he was only coming home to sleep.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Personally, I think this is the best thing for your SS, even if your DH doesn't see it right now.

grace8205's picture

Skid has a full time job clearing $2,400 a month after taxes. He does not need to live here, sure rental rates here are the highest in Canada but he can find a place if he wants to. So far he has a rooming house that his boss runs and takes funds off the pay cheque for rent (only $400 a month, internet and utilities included) and has been there since last Monday. But the place is not good enough for him, so he has Daddy running around making calls and emails trying to find his little prince a better place (barf)!

still learning's picture

You dealt with it LIKE A BOSS! Good job grace, continue to hold that boundary.