DH has no problem risking his own health to make OSD happy.....sound familiar?
DH dropped me off at the airport up north, I flew home and he drove since we had a car load of stuff. He stopped to visit OSD and his gkids for a day on the way in the Holy Land. I am not allowed in her home which is a blessing in my life, believe me.
He walked in the door two nights ago much darker than when I saw him two days before at the airport. He tans very easily. I always thought before that he and OSD had a competition to see who gets darker. One of the dumb things they bonded over. She's in her early 40's and her skin already looks like leather with sun spots. OSD goes to the pool frequently in the summer with her children. She loves the sun; she's also histrionic and histrionics love being almost naked. They live in a southern state and the sun is strong.
As dark as he was when he got home, I knew OSD had taken him to the pool.
The problem with this is he had just had a 2+ inch incision made in his face to remove skin cancer. It was deep and the dermatologist had to keep him there for hours to get it all out. Send him to the waiting room, do more biopsies, do some more digging. And it was not the first time he had it removed from this spot.
And his oldest daughter, completely aware of this, took him to the pool. And DH, looking for a crumb of acceptance from his daughter who has been punishing him because he defended me, risks his own health to get her approval.
We live in Florida and can't completely avoid the sun. We take precautions. Stopped going to the outdoor pool where I swam laps. We wear rash guards when needed. It has been working for him and I see he gets little sun.
So last night I brought it up.
Me: did you go to the pool in the Holy Land?
DH: how did you know?
Me: Uh, your skin is significantly darker that it was when you dropped me off at the airport.
DH: I put on sunscreen and stayed under an umbrella
Me: Then how did your skin get so dark?
DH: That was when I got in the pool.
So naturally OSD wanted to go to the pool as she always does. She had one day to spend with her father. Let's take daddy with skin cancer to the pool!. And daddy, so desperate for her approval, is happy to do it. DH is a puppy waiting for someone to lead him around on a leash. He does not have the fortitude to say "I have skin cancer; what else can we do today?" Apparently there is nothing else to do in the Holy Land. A large city.
Lets contrast this with when we got back from vacation a month ago, DH had gotten an insect bite that got infected. "OMG WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU HAD LYME DISEASE!!!" Complete overreaction and attention grabbing.
OSD and YSD are also in DH's
OSD and YSD are also in DH's hometown for a wedding on BMs side. DH is not there; he is here. OSD just posted on FB (tagged YSD, which is why I can see it) a pic of almost all of DH's family...with BM in the middle. Entitled the post "so nice to spend time with family yesterday". BM and her father's family! Divorced for 20 years!
DH will see absolutely no problem with this. Or he will, but he is too chicken to upset his delicate middle aged flower. I can't imagine my son or daughter taking my ex to a family gathering of my family, then posting a pic on FB. Just tacky and overstepping boundaries, but DH never established boundaries in his life in the first place.
Who would do that? Your OSD
Who would do that? Your OSD sounds so charming and loving. Your husband is going to be shocked when he loses half of his face for doing something so stupid. But HEY! It was all in the name of love, right??? As long as OSD is happy. These men....
I don't know why I care. DH
I don't know why I care. DH just says how he is treated is not important to him. That shows gutter level self-esteem and poor poor me victim mentality. So he thinks I should just sit by and watch him be disrespected. SOOOOOOO sexy in a man! Not.
Sounds familiar: My DH has
Sounds familiar: My DH has Lupus and is diabetic (type 2); therefore, we try to watch his diet and make sure and watch his carbs.
Every holiday and birthday, here comes SD56 and SGD32 with large baskets filled with all types of sweets, such as cookies, candy, syrups, jellies, jams, etc. They are aware DH has diabetes, Lupus, heart disease, and skin cancer. They even bring in fancy bottles of whiskey, flavored etc.
I put it in the pantry and can usually take most of it to the food bank over a period of time. The cookies and candy are mainly the problem getting out of the house.
OP, like myself, you are dealing with self centered idiots, including DH. I gave up and just do the best I can. My DH also has skin cancer and goes thru painful surgeries; but he would sit out in the sun for hours to visit SD. Not much we can do.
I do not like controlling people's life, because I hate being controlled; I just do what I can do without any drama. If my DH died tomorrow of sugar overdose, it would be something I cooked, not within the basket he cherishes.
Agreed, please revisit the
Agreed, please revisit the title of this thread.
And here's another's thing. People on this site have the ability to point two fingers at once. There's a symbiotic relationship between a Histrionic osd and a people pleaser daddy. It is possible for more than one person to get the blame.
So no 2 Men and a Truck? It
:jawdrop:
So no 2 Men and a Truck? It was a lie? She would be soooooo dead to me *SMH*
"What is the BIG ASS
"What is the BIG ASS DEAL?"
The big ass deal is OSD42 told Dh almost 2 years ago to fuck off and he wasn't welcome to see the grandkids. She was upset because he defended me. This is what guides his decision making process these days.
OSD wanted to go to the pool. And Dh lives in fear of hearing "fuck off, you're not welcome to see the grandkids." So her hands are not clean, with that threat hanging over his head.
But yeah, DH has free will, and I would have handled this differently than him because my self-respect would not allow my children to treat me as a doormat. DH has had the doormat squished out of him; he doesn't even realize that he is being a doormat anymore. He is a puppy with leash extended, waiting for someone to grab it and pull it...anywhere. No sense of direction. No boundaries. No sense of self respect of what he will and won't take.
I've told DH that OSD42's grandchild hostage holding techniques will not impact my life or my marriage. That part has improved although it has not been tested recently. But if he wants OSD's threats to impact him personally, his choice. And he's made that choice, more than once.
And how did you find out MIL liked about the movers? OMG?
This SD needs to seriously
This SD needs to seriously get a life..she has a full time job trying to encumber every moment of daddeee's time away from his genuinely hot, smart, confident wife (everything that she and especially BM-- are not).
You live with a woosie daddee, who could be my DH's twin brother. They cannot say NO...the kids turn out like they do because they were always raised this way, and expect to be always treated this way. Puppets on their strings...
Hey, at least yours defended you ONE time, that is one more time than mine has ever defended me.... But, he actually did me a favor by not doing so... Nothing from nothing, leaves nothing. I have the abuse away from ME now...
Block the B...do not let her in your mind. You are fully aware this is a crazy dynamic that WE did not create, nor can we fix...just have to minimize any infliction of misery and protect ourselves...If he is woosed out to the point of dangering himself, I doubt that really surprises you, though I know it infuriates you.... You cannot fix crazy. I know.
You can lead a horse to water
You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. This type of behavior went on for 30+ years with DH and SD57. Lots of sun, sugar, junk food, anything that I disagreed with, due to DH's health.
Well, guess what? DH is totally disabled and I am the one caring 24/7 for him. No visits from his grown kids.
Now you know what is ahead of you. I gave it up a long time ago (they just smiled and stuffed their faces with sugar). My DH has advanced congestive heart failure with a long list of other health issues. I will not abandon him, but his kids have.
Good luck with your battle. (((hugs)))
While I hear ya.... I can't like this.
It is just too sad. I am sorry you are having to bear the burden of your DH's poor health decisions over the years.
I am a 37+ year T-1 diabetic and this is one of the reasons I have not had any BKs. Not so much at a conscious level but in hind site that is probably part of it.
My health, all things considered, is pretty good because for the most part I have always managed my disease with a decent level of diligence. My FIL on the other hand... is a walking casket filler and he is only 10 years older than I am. He never has taken care of himself and now he lives a rather miserable and pathetic life. 10hrs a day of home dialysis, frequent hospitalizations for a variety of cardio pulmonary issues, T-2 diabetes, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc..... My IL's home looks like a medical supply warehouse.
My MIL is not far behind FIL.
All because they have lived a life of instant gratification rather than keeping their heads in the game.
Every time my phone rings with a call from the SpermLand area code I cringe because of my fear of having to tell my bride that another of her loved ones is gone. Two of her three grandmothers died in the late 60s due to the same decisions that my MIL and FIL have made. Guess who got those calls? Yep... me. I then had to break my brides heart.
I hope that your DH can make the changes he needs to make to give you some portion of the life you have earned.
Take care of you.