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You know when you feel like there is always a problem

saffron1's picture

Being fairly new to the site, I have been using it as my place to vent recently, to pour out all my frustrations and am so relieved to know there are so many other women out there going through this crazy thing called stepmotherhood... but I am just wondering whether its just me that feels like all there ever are is problems. My SS's are generally great and fairly well behaved but EVERY weekend their dad has them BM calls, every time she calls I feel physically sick... every week she thinks of a new 'problem' or I don't know maybe I make them worse in my head. Like today, I'm ridiculously stressed/upset over something probably so petty. Its one of the girls' school concerts on Wednesday, I asked SO so many times to contact the school, to find out when all things like concerts were (so hes not reliant on BM)... he did (only when I wrote the email last week) but its too late, school concert is Wed, BM is getting SO's ticket (so he's relying on meeting her to see his kid perform), his mom can't go, none of his family can and I obviously can't even though I'd have loved to.
I am just ranting but I feel like there's always something and I don't know if its normal for me to always HATE this feeling... A few days back I posted about whether or not something inside me is telling me to get out (after talking to a bartender who kind of showed me there's more out there). I love my SO and I just don't know what to do.

saffron1's picture

SD'S**

asnoraford's picture

It is normal to be pissed about this kind of stuff. I still get angry when I hear some of the manipulation that my DH's ex tries to pull even though I know the routine, and we have put in TONS of boundaries.

Talk with you SO. Help him understand that she is just trying to keep him on a leash and stay emotionally connected to him. If he is committed to you, then he will be willing to restructure how he does things in order to break the emotional connection that still might be there. If he seems like he does not want to upset her, always gives in to her manipulation, and doesn't even invite you to children's events, it may be that he is not fully over her and that his first obligation is to either his children or to her. Either way, it is not a healthy situation for you. He should be willing to put your feelings ahead of hers if you're the priority.

Good luck.

mermaidlady1960's picture

Why can't you go? Omg read all my problem posts sounds like we're in the same boat.

saffron1's picture

Because she got the tickets, so by relying on her to get his ticket that eliminates any chance of me getting one. Its so frustrating, I'm sure he could get a ticket for his mother and I if he used his initiative Sad

saffron1's picture

I completely agree with the control thing. Her getting the tickets makes it look like its her kids and she's just inviting him. I have work else I'd go, if I'd been told about it before I'd have booked it off and gone... I'm pretty sure she didn't want me there and that is partly why yeah.