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Old Friend Called

StepLady's picture

She is a real sweety and her and I were besties when I was with my first husband. We lived in a community together and her husband and my ex were friends too. Their marriage is in big trouble. Am I sad for her? Sure! Of course! It is always sad to hear things like that. But everyone saw it may happen but her, so its a bit frustrating to say the least I guess. But I thought it may be helpful to those here that are on the fence with having a bio or ours with their partner, think of what their parenting skills and styles are now before you make a move! She married a man I will call Brian. When she married Brian he had a son with his first wife. Never gave a damn about his kid, was not good at keeping touch etc. He showed he was a shitty person and not a good father! Brian was the type that was not involved at all. Big surprise the kid grew up to have problems and came to live with my friend and Brian. He wanted her to do all the work, all the parenting and never complain. He had blinders on, everything was great, kid would adjust later it was all good. Then my friend wanted to have a kid by him and could not, so we thought she was dodging a major bullet, she did not want to hear that one. She took fertility treatments and had twins who are now five. And friend complains Brian is not there for the kids, he never helps, is not a good role model, wont watch them, wont act like a dad. I love my friend but her husband showed her with his actions that he could not parent! Now two more kids are going to be COD because she did not think this through! It is so sad and just generally messed up. If someone is a shitty parent dont have more kids with them! If he could not change for his first kid he wont change for yours!

hereiam's picture

Amen.

It's really too bad that I never wanted kids, as DH has always been a great dad. He's way more nurturing than me!

I'm sorry for your friend.

Rags's picture

Once again the best predictor of future performance is past behavior. No surprise here except for Old Friend who had her head firmly rooted in a place where she refused to see what was in front of her face as plain as day. Is struggle with feeling sorry for people like your Old Friend. Rather I tend to just pat them on the back, say "Well that is too bad.", and think 'Duh, and this is a surprise to you why???'.

I actually have a level of disdain for the OF's in these situations that I don't have for the idiot spouse who is doing what they have always done. In this case Brian is just doing Brian and what and who Brian has always been. OF made the tragic error of thinking she could fix Brian being Brian.

My condolences on the demise of her marriage but .... it has been staring her in the face from day one. It should be no surprise.

Disneyfan's picture

Having a child with a person who is a POS parent is absolutely selfish. Her desire to have a child, was more important to her than ensuring that child had an involved, responsible, loving, caring father.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Amen!!
I know it can be hard to admit to anyone especially yourself that the person you love has a fault like this. Fact is, some people...whether they are "kid people" or not just do not make good parents. I'm so sorry for your friend and her children. I hope things get better for them.

StepLady's picture

I never knew Brian's BM, I knew she raised the kid alone til almost preteen years and then Brian kind of had no choice but to take him in and did not want to. Brians son had so many issues and was clearly screaming for his dad and Brian could not care less. He was with him for about two weeks when Brian took off for a boys weekend and did not invite him along. He just was not ever interested in his kid, it was sad. He complained about sports, who does not want their kid to participate in things? He complained about anything he ever had to go for his kid and did so infront of him all the time. He left him alone all the time while he socialized with others in the community. It was just uncomfortable for most to see or hear about.