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msg1986's picture

Hi there I've browsed the site for a few months and just now have I decided to post because I'm so frustrated. So here is some history... my FDH and I have been friends since high school and about a year ago we decided to began dating. FDH has a child from a previous relationship (she cheated and he left). My FSS (age 3) is awesome, I seriously love the kid to death but his mother is... for lack of better word, a psycho. She has known about me since about a month after FDH and I began dating. She didn't take it well, to say the least. (they were broken up for 3 years before we began and he didn't date anyone in the interim). Well as things have gotten more serious she's been flipping out more and more. Her first antics were to start trying to hang out with FDH and send him pictures telling FDH she missed him, FDH quickly put a stop to that. Theeeen she began telling FDH that she didn't want FSS around me, FDH put her in her place and said that wasn't going to fly and she backed down. As of late her boyfriend dumped her and she got fired AGAIN because she apparently has emotional/behavioral issues and thus has began trying to interfere in our lives. She enrolled FSS into a fancy daycare (she JUST got fired, mind you) and TOLD FDH that he had to pay for it for the first few weeks until she went for state assistance w/ child care. Long story short she never went for the assistance and later agreed to go half w/ FDH. As of 2 weeks ago she "doesn't remember" agreeing to go half with him and that he needs to pay the full amount (400 a month on top of 400 a month in child supp) or else he will not see his son the up and coming week (FDH has had son every weekend since they broke up) . BM's mother has also began calling and harassing FDH telling him to "man up" and pay the full amount of daycare. That was this weekend... SMH it's so frustrating.
Well today BM called FDH and told him that he could pick up FSS for the weekend because she is pulling him out of daycare (and of course because she realized she could not go out and party as hard she wants if FSS is there... if she parties during the week she usually takes him to parties and puts him to sleep and then gets down... she's actually admitted this to FDH!) but that from here forward he better not have anyone with him (me) at pick up time or drop off. FDH husband advised her that I am going to be his wife soon and that I WILL be there regardless of how she feels. BM stated to him that if I was there she would never let FDH see FSS until they went to court. My question to anyone out there is does she have the right to do this? Withhold visits and does he have to pay childcare? His child support says zilch about day care and I’m just curious if BF's do have to cover ALL of day care costs. Also does she have the right to say I cannot be @ pick up/drop off, would any judge agree to this???... help? Sad

Jsmom's picture

No - she has to take him back to court for a modification of CS. He should only pay the CS and nothing else, unless it is in the CO.

If he pays her more it can be considered a gift when they do go back to court and he will not get credit for it. Also, she can not withold the child for any reason. He can take her back to court for contempt if she does. Sounds like you need a lawyer on a retainer to threaten her to keep her in her place....

As for BM's mom, do not communicate with her at all. This is none of her business.

Just pay the CS and if she wants more for child care, she can take him back to court. Usually that is in addition to CS but, it depends on how it is written up. Here it would be included in the CS and up to her to pay.