Im a maid now!
Hi! I need to vent and I hope there's someone that can relate to my issues. It makes me angry and sad to know that my fiance and his family even knowing that his ex is not 100% of a good mother just are silent because they dont want to have any type of differences with her to not make her angry otherwise they know that she uses her child to manipulate the situation and thats how everybody is afraid of her. Once his kid started to spend nights at the house I started to notice that he barely had clothes and the few clothes had holes, didnt fit him and yes a lot of his shoes had holes. Deep inside I got so offended because everybody talks so good about her, basically shes a saint, shes so sweet, she doesnt kill a fly in few words shes the best mother around. Im so angry and I started to tell my fiance that where the money of child support is going and what shes doing with that money because I realized that he was the one that was paying for everything. When things got too obvious for her I thought that there was hope when she said that she was going to buy him new shoes but then months passed and she never had the decency to buy them. For me was heartbreaking and I said to my fiance ok you have to do it hes not my child and Im the one that is suffering how come his own mother doesnt care but thats how it is she wants him to pay for everything and she knows she has control.
Now she thinks Im a maid yes she doesnt have the decency to wash his clothes even if he has spend nights with her wich has to be more than obvious and is something a mother should be doing and shes perfectly fine seeing her son bringing a bag with his clothes. Im so angry when my fiance said to me oh well she doesnt take care of his clothes in a good way and hes accepting all of this. Now in her eyes Im the maid? She does have nerves and also my fiance for accepting this! Everybody knows how good hes treated in our house and the big difference on how hes treated at her house and his family and him are okey with it they dont care. Im really frustrated because when I started to be more active saying things he said to me thats none of your business thats something between his mom and me. That really hurt and yes we don't have kids of our own. She makes me feel so angry because she acts like shes so proud of her son when I was the one that is taking care of him so he doesn't look like a homeless kid and I'm frustrated just to know that his family accepts that but wow every time they talk about her shes the perfect mom. I give up really. How you deal with his entire family and him like that you cant. They are living a lie and they are pretending they are this big happy family but she has all the control there. My fiance is a doormat just because of his child. Have you ever experienced something similar to this? Please I need your comments and similar experiences. Do you feel like a maid and she doesn't do a thing?
Thank you!
Don't do anything for his
Don't do anything for his kid. I know it sounds bad but you have to disengage for his sake and yours. Why and how it will work, once you stop doing anything for his kid your DF has to step up and he will get to the same point you are now and he will either accept it or he will do something about it. My dh did something about it. Some don't you will have to see which way he will go, wither way you are out of it and you do nothing for his kid NOTHING!!! That includes cooking for his kid, you can cook but only worry about cooking what you want and eating what you want. Your dh will notice but tell him that if it is none of your business then you are not going worry abotu any of it, all or nothing get it?
Go to goodwill and keep a
Go to goodwill and keep a couple outfits at your house for him to wear while he is there and send back the dirty clothes she is sending, don't do her laundry for her. My mom did this for my half brother, his bm would send over like a whole week worth of dirty laundry knowing my mom would do it, fold it and send it back to her. My mother was being used, you are not a maid and looking back it is something my mom regrets doing.
My skids have been trained
My skids have been trained how to do their own laundry. I started as soon as I married DH with that one. We made a game out of it at first. I "let them" pu the soap in. We had a race to see who could fold the most socks. When SS10 turned 10, he asked when he'd get to do his own laundry. I said "Well, let's start right now". He did his laundry in front of me a few times to make sure he did it right. Now, I just remind him once a week. They both know that they lose money if theire rooms stink, so they always make sure to do something ab out it when I bring it up. Money is a great motivator. Try reading "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Kevin Leman. It's a great help.