Child Suport - I am so angry and don't know what to do - plse help
My partner has 3 children by an ex. We have 1 child between us.
Each month for the last 7 years her ex has periodically paid the amount he is due to pay (as agreed in court) into her account, to which she then diverts into an account for the children s it doe not get mixed up with her money. The money he pays gets spent 100% only on the children and nobody else but despite this he is still of the opinion that some of it is spent by my partner on herself, which it most def is not (why do ex-hubbys think this?
The problem is that the eldest step-daughter (now 15) decided about a year or so ago that the grass was greener on the other side and went to live with her dad (she was going through that dreaded teenage stage, rowing with her mum + sisters a lot - the normal stuff at that age, and obviously had an easy option out). At the time, her dad told her that her mum would just have to accept it and get on with it. The child maintenance payments were stopped accordingly for her.
Guess what - the grass wasn't greener on the other side and after just over a year she decided she missed her mum and has come back home. Unfortunatey her dad has gone ballistic, called his own daughter a scumbag, told her she used him and loads more but also blamed my partner for manipulating her to come back - which she never did at all.
The problem now lies that because his pride has been dented and he is a nasty horrible bully of a man, who blames my partner, he has decided not to pay any child maintenance for the last 2 months and has said he is never paying it again. We have gone to a solicitor and he has ignored the first letter so I guess we will see what happens next (not sure).
The problem I now have is what do I do - the SD's are 11,13 and 15 and becoming more and more expensive - I can tell my partner is very worried because she has no money to spend on her children. Do I start to pay for everything and give my partner the money he is no longer paying her....I can tell you on here I really do not want to do that - I pay enough for them already (holidays, day's out, meals out etc) and I want to spend my very hard earned cash on my son and my partner, not some other man's children. Am I wrong to feel like this, should I pay?
I don't like seeing my partner so stressed and worried, it will go to court, he will be sly,cunning and horrible and will hide his assets etc but we just want the amount he agreed to pay and on a specific date so we can just get on wth our lives....
I know what you're feeling...
I know what you're feeling... I have 2 kids and my DH has 2 kids. He pays his child support weekly and it goes into some nebulous black hole because every time his kids want something, they are told they need to ask their dad. I work, and I found that a lot of my income was going to support my DH's kids' frivolous "wants" because BM didn't want to spend the money...
We split our finances due to this. I wasn't going to have him throwing money at them, in the meantime taking away from my kids and our household in general. I have, however on occasion, LOANED him some money.
Maybe this is a thought? Providing you win your case, it should all start up again, correct?
I don't think you are wrong
I don't think you are wrong to feel this way at all. I am the same way. DH and I have seperate bank accounts. And always will. One reason being that I refuse to spend my money on his kids and the other being that he is horrible with his money!
I don't think you are wrong.
I don't think you are wrong. I do the same as shootingstarz. Don't get involved, it will cause problems. She needs to take care of this with her ex. Unfortunately, she's just going to have to be persistent.
I do not think you are wrong
I do not think you are wrong for how you feel. And i will talk as a BM who lost her job in April of this year. I had savings (thank goodness) so I could continue to cover myself and my children. I have never asked my partner to fork out any money for my children... "I" will figure it out... the ex and I have our spats, and trust me its not always pretty... the ex has his idea that "he" should not have to pay my way because I lost my job. I very clearly tell him, you are not paying my way, you are making sure your children are provided for! My partner will cover for me if i need to him, but as of yet, I havent had to ask him to help monetarily in anyway. My saves is down to zero at this point, but I still have not asked my partner to contribute $1 towards my kids....
I think you need to talk to her, and she what she needs to happen. She may be to stubborn to ask for help, if she truly does need it. There are times in a relationship where you may have to step it up when its a situation that he/or she did not cause on her own.
this falls into the category of "not her fault" she is trying..she played nice, she got screwed in the end (Story of my life as well). She may just need your support, and encouragement while she figures this all out in her mind.
Not sure how the system works
Not sure how the system works there but you shouldn't feel wrong either for thinking it should be between them. I do have a question. When you say the support payments were stopped for her when she lived w/the dad...did your partner send support to him that year to help support her child? I would say "ethically"....if she didn't contribute that one year while the child was with dad there's not much room to "ethically" complain about a couple of months.