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Something my BS said- thoughts?

zerostepdrama's picture

Not sure why I have given this much thought. Really considering all the shit I put up with the skids.

Refer back to my prior blog about Xmas Eve dinner with the skids for some background.

When MSD and YSD got to dinner they did not even acknowledge me or BS9, which is fine. Even though I think its shitty to ignore a 9 year old that you used to be nice to.

BS9 has picked up on my feelings for the skids. I havent outright told him anything bad regarding the skids but I have made reference to their behavior as to why they are not allowed over to the house anymore. I guess I have told him the "kid version" as to what is going on. Only because he doesnt understand why the girl skids used to come around and like him and now they dont even acknowledge him when they see him.

So in general I think this makes BS uncomfortable and I think he was a little nervous at dinner.

GB (MSD's son) was sitting at the end of the table and BS says "He has big ears!"

I know that BS didnt mean it to be hateful. I think he just happened to notice something and was trying to think of something to say. He is 9, so obviously his thought process isnt that well.

I know BS wanted to go up and talk to GB but he could feel the vibe coming from MSD- "Dont get towards me or my kid." That is why I didnt ask to hold GB or anything. I would smile at him, but that is all.

Of course as soon as BS said that, MSD said in the nastiest voice "Well you have big ears too!"

I did say something to BS along the lines of "BS you too had big ears when you were little and GB just needs time to grow into them like you did." And I did tell him, next time dont say something like that because it might hurt someone's feelings.

Of course I am left with the feeling of the nastiness of MSD voice, even though I know she was just sticking up for her child. Even though she should know that BS wasnt trying to be mean or hurtful.

And I think, Oh I'm sure the girl skids and BM are probably using that as ammo to think of mean things to say about me and BS, etc. I know how they are and how they work.

This is just a reminder of shit that is said that becuase you are in a step family, things are taken the wrong way or people say stuff they dont mean out of nervousness, etc.

Comments

furkidsforme's picture

If one of the SD's had said it to your son, you would be outraged.

If you had two bio's who said it to each other, everyone would laugh.

You are correct, it is just the fucked up dynamics of a Step Family.

zerostepdrama's picture

Just to clarify- I would be outraged if MSD said it to be BS because she is 19. Not if she was a kid.

zerostepdrama's picture

Read the blog. I said that I said something to BS about it. Its more of a kids have no filter then him just being rude.

Teas83's picture

I agree about the step family dynamic. Things that are considered normal in an intact family get misconstrued in a step family.

zerostepdrama's picture

I know BS didnt say it to be mean. I think he was just trying to think of something to say to GB and MSD and that is the only thing that popped into his head.

DaizyDuke's picture

Why do these skids even bother coming if they are going to act like assholes? Stay home and act like assholes for cripes sake!

zerostepdrama's picture

Right! MSD's behavior was awful at dinner. So glad that I wont have to do that again, at least not for a long time!

Unfreakingreal's picture

SD14 told me GB had a huge head when she was born. I was offended because SD tends to be a bit of a bully. However, despite feeling hurt by what she said, I left it alone. Your child is 9, young kids say exactly what is on their mind and don't have filters. I remember once being in a supermarket when we saw a child that was deformed. My BS who at the time must have been 7 or 8, couldn't stop staring at him and said really loud "What's wrong with that baby, why does his face look like that?" I had to shush him and explain to him that sometimes babies are born like that and that it is rude and impolite to stare.
I would not be ok with someone coming to my home and ignoring ME or my children. I would be more pissed about THAT than I would be about her saying your son had big ears in retort to his big ear comment.

DaizyDuke's picture

I saw this on pinterest the other day

"If a woman says you're ugly, she's being jealous. If a man says your ugly, he's being mean. If a kid says your ugly, you're ugly.

LOL

zerostepdrama's picture

We went out to dinner. But agree I am annoyed by that as well.

First time BS met GB it was at our wedding. GB has a HUGE birthmark on his head that is swollen and raised. Not sure what they are technically called. I had only seen GB 1 other time before that and didnt know he had it. (It was when he was in the NICU and he had something covering his head). So MSD shows GB to BS and BS looks at that birthmark and honestly I think we were all shocked and of course we ignored it but BS looked at me like WTF is that? Thankfully then he didnt say anything.

Oh yeah kids with no filters. Blum 3

I hope that MSD didnt take it as BS being mean because I know he wasnt.

mommy0104's picture

This is sort of what I have to deal with too. My BS10 can be a bit of a brat sometimes, but he's not a horrible kid..the problem I have is that his half sisters (my SD20 and SD17) are too immature to know how to handle a kid. They constantly cuss my son out. I swear if SD20 calls my son an A-hole one more time I'm going to flip my shit and tell DH she has to move out. He's a kid for goodness sake..just ignore him. No, he's not perfect but SDs need to grow up and quit fighting with him like they're all 5..aah the step life..

zerostepdrama's picture

MSD only reacted the way she did because of the situation and the already tense environment. But she is 19. She didnt have to be so rude. But I am not surprised by her rudeness. That is who she is.

zerostepdrama's picture

Oh I totally agree!

I know my BS didnt say it to be mean. Just like there are a ton of skids out there that would say the same thing. But I know in my heart 100% I would have the same reaction. Kids (skids and bios) say stupid shit all the time. But because of the step situation everyone gets all upset and takes things so personal.

MSD is 19. I think she should have been a little nicer in her response. I would have even been okay with her saying something like "Hey BS that wasnt very nice, you shouldnt say that, etc." I know she is already shitty and shitty that I am married to her dad and shitty with BS by default of me, so I'm not really surprised with her reaction. Plus its her kid. I get it.

GB's ears arent THAT big. LOL. He really is a cutie....