Learned my lesson the hard way
I paid for SD24 to join us in Disney World. I know...what was I thinking?? In the 10 years I have been with DH, I've only spent the night with her once. That's how it should have stayed.
I have 3 boys with DH, an almost 5 year old, almost 4, year old, and a 13 month old. They are high energy, normal boys. Each are "perfect" when alone, but super crazy when together. My 13 month old has serious separation anxiety and has never been away from home overnight. We are away for clues to 2 weeks, and he's very out of sorts. He loves the activities, but seems upset at the condo we're staying in. He screams anytime either DH or I walk out of the room or put him down. He screams when he doesn't get his way. He screams a lot. DH is not good with babies, and has little tolerance for screaming. My older two will tell Daddy "not to leave baby on the of the road just because he screams. We love our baby!" (Baby screams in the car too the majority of the time.)
With this trip, I expected DH to have a hard time, so I wanted SD24 here to be another set of hands so DH can go off alone and blow off steam if need be, and the boys won't miss out at all. It turns out SD24 is just as intolerant as DH. I've had it with both of them. I didn't tell DH yet that I paid for SD24 to be here (he refused...I know better now.) I got fed up with the "I never want kids after being around these." And "the older two are cute but the baby us too annoying to be cute." Seriously, she WANTED to join us, and this is our life, all about 3 little boys. The baby's anxiety is excessive, but I can't help it until we go home and I talk to his pediatrician.
I have no pictures of myself with my children except for one professional photo. We went to an aquarium today, and they took pics of us to buy. SD24 was giving me a hard time because of the cost, and I finally snapped that if I want to pay for a picture of myself with my children, I will. I can do what I want with my own money. (It's too bad she's in the picture too.) Thus was maybe the 3rd time she's made a comment about money that pisses me off.
So I learned my lesson. My wallet is closed to her. DH can pay to see her, or never see her as it seemed to be the case without me trying to include her. I am so done!
Sorry for the typos, on my phone. Just needed the vent!
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Comments
I think your expectations in
I think your expectations in this case were unfair. I mean your husband who fathered those children won't deal with them but you expected a sister to do it with a smile on her face. Being invited to a family vacation means she should have been grateful not your kids' unpaid nanny. If that's what you wanted, you should have told her that. "Hey, I am paying for your vacation so I can use you as a nanny for your brothers" because your father won't deal with them.
A normal response to having a paid for vacation is to be grateful not someone's unpaid servant. Just my .02.
I was unclear on this, sorry.
I was unclear on this, sorry. I won't even leave the children with her at all, and never intended to. I literally wanted a set of hands with me in the event DH needed a break, for say an hour. I only hoped for help, not a replacement. But at this point all I want is for her to simply not complain about my children. She hasn't been asked to do a thing!
I love Disney World, but what
I love Disney World, but what you just described sounds horrible. If I were subjected to that, I wouldn't want kids either. LOL
If you intended for SD to be the hired help, you should have told her that upfront. As much as I love disney, I would have turned that "vacation" down.
Then tell her to stop
Then tell her to stop complaining. If you do not say anything she will keep complaining. Just tell her "I know they are demanding. And I am sure you were just about the same at their age. But please, if they get too much just walk away with your father."
You invited her because you cannot trust your husband alone with your children. Yet you expect his flesh and blood daughter to be different? Why? Just because she is a female? I have more problems with your husband not having any inch of tolerance for these 3 little boys he made.
3 boys under 5?
People have different
People have different tolerances with children. Several years ago I had some friends over for dinner with their two boys - ages about 6 and 8. I thought they were very well behaved normal children.
My roommate told me afterwards to NEVER have them over again - they drove her crazy.
Honestly they were not bad at all - both went on to be over the top successful young men. One graduated from Stanford with honors and the other graduated from an Ivy with honors. They are polite and respectful young men.
But to my roommate who really didn't like kids they were intolerable. To me they were just fine.
I remember you posting about
I remember you posting about your plans. The problem with asking SD instead of a stranger, is that SD has her own agenda. A big part of her behaviour on this trip is about seeking DH's approval and attention (so she tries to be like DH and she tries to be what DH would not like).
It was a nice idea at the time, and if DH was a happier guy and if SD wasn't dealing with her own issues, it could have worked!
I'm sorry your vacation is turning into so much work.
My only advice is to spend a bunch of time telling the 13 month old what's happening, what's happening next, what just happened. It really helped when my DD went through difficult time. But she's an only kid, so big difference in how much I had to do that.
I hope the weather is at least good and that the kids get tired enough to go to bed early!!!
Well, you now know holidays
Well, you now know holidays are going to be tough with your little one and you cant rely on your husband or your step daughter to have an ounce of common sense or manners.
Not alot you can do now, just try to keep calm and enjoy what you can.
The idea of a 24 year old and
The idea of a 24 year old and young children on a vacation with parent together is a recipe for disaster. There is no way a 24 year old is happy on a family vacation with young kids unless they are hers. Disney has lots to do for all ages, but what a 24 year old wants to do is not usually what a young child wants to do or is able to do.
You miscalculated. Intentions good, but execution failed.
Quite frankly, I'm surprised
Quite frankly, I'm surprised your SD agreed to such a vacation (even without knowing the ulterior motive of having her "help,") but I guess the lure of having all-expenses paid when I'm guessing she could not otherwise afford a vacation was just too tempting. (And I'm trying to figure out how your DH doesn't know you paid for her--or even what this means exactly.) If it makes you feel any better, I'm virtually certain your SD is enjoying the trip just about as much as you are! I can't imagine being 24 years old--well over legal drinking age--and having to be tied to my dad, SM and 3 kids under 5. The thought of it for myself makes me want to go running and screaming the other way! And I have yet to take my own DSs to Disney due to worrying about their behavior. They're now 14 and 8. My 14 year-old ended up going with his cousin a few years ago, which put it off for us a couple years. (We also never took my SSs, since we could not afford a trip like that paying exorbitant CS, and they went several times with BM, anyway, as part of her many travels all over the U.S. and the world.) I now think my youngest DS is old enough to really enjoy it. But before 6 or so, I would have said, "No way," and to take THREE under 6 (if I had that many, which, thank God I never did!) would be psycho. You have already identified you made a bad decision. Just try to hang in there and enjoy what little bit you can, and be more reasonable on future vacations.
BTW, we used to go on vacation with my DH's sister and her family, and I always wished our teenaged niece would offer to babysit so that DH and I could have a night out, but that NEVER happened! I get it that was her vacation, too, so why would she want to waste her time "working?" You can take solace in the fact that, in a few years, your kids will have aged to a point where it's much easier to handle all of them in an outing. Until then, hang in there!
DH and I have separate
DH and I have separate finances, so he doesn't know what I pay for. She texted at one point months ago asking what she needed to save up to pay for, and I showed him that, so I hinted at the time that she would pay her own travel. I know that he may not believe it, but I don't tell and he doesn't ask.
I'm not sure why SD24 wanted to go with us, but she really wanted to. She only asked to see 2 specific things which she go to do. Otherwise she seemed happy to walk around with us. She also loved the character lunches, and those were the only times the baby would let her hold him.
She did offer to watch all 3 one night while DH and I went to dinner, but we didn't even try it because of the baby. Unless there was a character, the baby wouldn't let her near him. We didn't expect that since he has let her hold him in the past without issues.
She did enjoy it, and I am overall glad we went.
I didn't want help with
I didn't want help with childcare, just pushing a stroller next to me if DH stormed off. And putting her own dishes in the sink. That's all I would have wanted, and is what I ended up getting. She did talk about letting us go out to dinner while she watched the kids, but the baby wouldn't let her hold him the entire trip unless they were meeting characters.
Yes, I agree that DH should get over himself. He is usually pretty good with the kids, but loses patience, storms off, then comes back to normal. I can handle all 3 kids alone usually, but Disney is a bit overwhelming.
I typed the original post on
I typed the original post on my phone while completely stressed out, and realized after the fact that I probably sounded like I wanted a hired nanny for the trip! I didn't have the energy to go back and try to explain fully. I just needed an outlet so I could regroup and not ruin it for us all.
I realized that having her visit our home for a day is completely different than having her stay with us for a week. I totally understand now how we have more tolerance for our own kids. As a guest in my home, I have no issues serving her and cleaning up after her, but when she's staying with us, it would have been nice if she would wash a single dish. I don't mind cooking dinner, but the offer of dishes would have been nice. I stood my ground and left her coffee cups on the side tables (drove me insane!) until she finally put them in the sink at the end of the day.
DH is definitely difficult. If we hadn't been given a time-share for the week, I would not have agreed to go. He has the least patience for babies, so hopefully it will get better soon. He's much better with our older 2.
In the end, though, that was the most time DH and SD24 spent together in years, so hopefully that was good for them. I really was hoping SD24 could get a picture with Pluto so I could do some sort of collage with a picture of her when she was very young with him, but the lines were just way too long. Oh well.
I only ever cater to it when
I only ever cater to it when DH is around. I would totally let him scream, but DH can't handle it. He's not nearly as bad at home, so I didn't realize he would be so bad when we went away since we were all together. Once there, I realized he had no idea where we were and for how long etc. He is the most attached to me out of the 3 kids.
After one of DH's explosions, I did say to SD24 that if I ever go again, I will take the boys by myself.
Since I didn't have this problem with my other two, I do intend to talk to pediatrician and maybe get a referral to find out how to handle it with this baby since he's not reacting the way my other two did.
I took my baby to Disney.
I took my baby to Disney. She was born in the month of August and I think we went to the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween party in September so yes, she would have been 13 months old and she did just fine. She loved it! She loved the Winnie the Pooh ride and Ariel, Dumbo, Astro- Orbiter and the dance party, Peter Pan, and It's a small world. She did try to hog the controller and gun at Buzz Light Year. Really how would you know how he'd be until you got there how it would go? The Halloween party starts at 4 and ends at midnight so we were leaving about 9 to 10 pm so admittedly we did a very short burst of it and the park has a limited amount of people on those special event days and we skipped all of the special Halloween parades and shows just to do rides with no lines quickly and it worked. My next youngest is now 7 but I took her as a baby too and she never cried not one time the entire time. Either I got lucky or again, I did it on a cool day with no lines. I don't remember. but I'm about an hour and a half from Disney so we are fine with a very short burst of rides and then just hanging at the pool cause we know we'll be back. Sometimes its fun and sometimes it's hell on earth. There you go. I once had a break up at Disney World in the parking lot of the Caribbean Beach hotel so I get how stressful vacation can be.
The baby was awesome at
The baby was awesome at Disney. It was only at the time-share that he really flipped out. I didn't realize how much he missed his own home.
He completely loved all the characters and bopped around when they had those shows and parades. He loved the Winnie the Pooh ride too. He would only start screaming when he was fighting a nap and I would then walk him around in the stroller constantly until he would finally fall asleep. We only took the kids to things with FastPass or 10 min or less waits. We also did character lunches everyday, and didn't stay past 4 or 5 each day.
We did. And by helping, it
We did. And by helping, it was really only minimal help I wanted. I knew DH would lose patience with the kids at some point, so I talked to SD24 about us letting DH go blow off steam while we continue walking around with the boys. I didn't realize she would complain as much as DH.
While I was struggling to calm the baby down in the condo, it was hard to keep my own patience because the other two adults were both complaining and whining themselves without doing a thing to help alleviate the situation. If they had kept their mouths shut, I probably wouldn't have been quite so upset. And then with having to clean up dishes after SD24, I really got worked up. I'm used to my toddlers leaving sippy cups, but an adult leaving her dishes all over is new. It's amazing how your tolerance is higher for your own children.