Crap, was my husband too harsh?
We found out SS as been smoking pot in the house. The house where I have a one year old and a ten year old daughter. This made my husband absolutely angry and he started yealling at SS. It was more like screaming at him. This was the worst I have ever seen my husband yell at SS. He starts chewing SS out for everything he is doing that is so wrong. But then my husband said "Fine, go be a whore like your mother, sleeping with everything she could find". This made SS snap. He did not say anything but he was mad. He looked pretty hurt as well. He got on his bike and left the house. He was gone for 19 hours, all night.. My husband was panicking. He was calling everyone and driving around all night. We were about to call the police when he walked in this morning. He did not say sorry for what he put us through. What a jerk. He just locked himself in his room. I hate summer. I wish he would go to school. My husband feels really bad about what he said, although it is competely true.
It is SS's birthday tomorrow and we are getting him a card and baking a cake. That is it. We feel that he does not deserve anything else. We think he deserves a cake for his grades and sports but nothing else for the sex, drinking and now pot use. But my husband feels bad for saying what he did to SS and wants to give him 50 bucks. I diagreed. I told my husband to not feel guilty about disciplining his son. Apologise for the whore comment but stick to your guns for everything else. Am I right?
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That is the problem, BM is
That is the problem, BM is not even in the country. We do not know where she is. We are stuck with SS. We would not send SS with her anyway. She brought convicts into the house so she could sleep with them. While SS was home. SS still has not come out. He has not eaten anything since last evening. Lets see how long he lasts. We will be doing room searches every day now. And we will call the cops if neccessary.
He is going to be fifteen
He is going to be fifteen tomorrow. I agree, the door will be coming off when he steps out. He will get the 50 bucks over my dead body. I swear I will make my husband's life hell if he gives SS the money.
He's 15! DH and you are the
He's 15! DH and you are the parents. Get this kid under control. He needs to earn privileges. And yes keep BM out of it all. She's not around, don't drag her name or her history into it. Its not helping anything.
No door, curfew, and put him into a more structured school if need be. He should have things to do, chores, hobbies, sports something to occupy his time. Sounds like he has too much free time.
Bringing the kids mother into
Bringing the kids mother into it the way he did wasn't only harsh. It was completely wrong.
Your husband owes his son an apology for what he said about his mother. The kid needs structure & discipline. You're husband wouldn't be wrong for addressing the issues & disciplining his kid for doing wrong. However, losing it to the point of just spewing anything that came to mind isn't discipline. It's lack of self-control.
From what I've read here, your husband would be guilt parenting to hand his kid $50 to make up for losing control. An apology & honest effort to handle things better in the future is what he owes his son. Cash in hand is trying to buy acceptance & is wrong.
A card & cake is plenty...something to acknowledge his birthday & let him know he's loved. Despite the crappy comments from your husband, in my opinion, there should still be some form of discipline issued for the drinking & pot use.
I guess I'm left wondering
I guess I'm left wondering how SS smoking pot turned into "fine go be a whore like your mother"? What does one have to do with the other? I think your DH definately owes SS an apology for that remark. The unfortunate thing is once words like that are spoken you can't take them back. SS is probably going to have a bug up his butt about this for a while.
As much as I absolutely loathe my BMs I would never say anything derogatory to skids about them, children can't help who their parents are and what they do.
Well, the yelling probably
Well, the yelling probably didn't help, but we all know how it feels to be enraged and try to make the kid understand what a bad choice he's making. No judgement for that!!! But, I think that you guys need to have a sit-down and talk, if you can get him to do that. If he's not willing, then don't make things comfy for him. As far as his b-day, I would explain that the cake and card are because you love him and you're proud of his accomplishments, and remind him of them, and also explain that he's not getting gifts because of the bad behaviors. Your hubby should not be giving him anything because he feels sorry or guilty for yelling!!! SS will start thinking, hey, if I can get dad to yell and feel guilty, I get stuff... also, it will seem like your hubby's yelling is worse than the pot smoking, if he makes it out that SS should get something for being yelled at. If your husband gives him $50 for being guilty of yelling, is SS gonna give him $100 for being guilty of drug use?
My husband did the same thing
My husband did the same thing with SS. It was not as bad as what your husband did though. He went on a rant of how crazy his ex-wife was acting. It was wierd beacause SS initially started the complaining. But once my husband started, my SS just went off on him. Calling him a bad dad etc. My SS took forever to forgive his father. I feel like he still has not forgiven him completely. No matter how bad their mothers are, kids will always get angry if someone talks bad about them. They have a bond that can never break. I know how you feel
Give him money and you make
Give him money and you make him a whore. Doesn't your DH see that?
Don't give him the money. He
Don't give him the money. He does need to apologize to SS for some of his remarks. But, I do understand losing it on a child expecially when he has been behaving so badly.
You do need to take the door off and the wheels off the bike...He needs some very tough love.
Thanks for the comments guys.
Thanks for the comments guys. The door is coming off and SS will get the money over my dead body. We are going to remove the doors as suggested. He has the summer off and has nothing to do other than a small part-time job. We are going to enroll him in summer school. I cannot deal with him in the house. My anxiety levels shoot through the roof. I will however, make my husand apologise for the whore comment when things have settled down. I did not agree with the fact that he said it at all.
i agree with the others. Why
i agree with the others. Why on earth give him 50.00? So he can buy more pot? He needs a consequence for smoking the pot, he also needs a consequence for taking off as he did. Just because your dh scremed at him it does not take away his son's need for consequences.
I too would apologize for the whore comment-but honestly not just yet. Your dh sounds weak in his guilt and if your ss senses that he will take it and run with it. After your ss is willing to come out on his own and perhaps own up to his issues-THEN your dh could say something along the lines of how upset and disappointed he was and that he didnt handle it in the best way. That his screaming and comments were out of control and he is sorry for that and in the future he will handle discipline issues more with consequences instead of words.